Takes a Village

To the community and state that raised me,

I lost my mother to death and then I lost my father to grief for her. Then the Man Above had the village stand up and I was given more to replace the two. I can't lie when I found out the truth about my mother I was furious. I was furious that I was left to be raised by a woman pretending to be about something my father needed at the time. I was furious he grieved so HARD for her that he became the father I grew to loathe. Never a father only a “warden” trying to lock me away for life and be a good little Cinderella. That is till I escaped for my own sanity into the big bad world and the arms of my community. A community that saw my struggles from a distance and felt sympathy for my single father trying to raise a sick daughter. I thank you all for the mercy. From the ones that let me stay in their homes and rest my head so I wasn’t homeless on the streets I thank you. To the ones that fed me when times became hard I thank you. To the ones that helped me study and stay on top of my studies to graduate on time for reals I thank you. To the elders that took my wayward, rebellious self into their hearts to guide as if you birthed me yourself; no words could ever explain how much you guys are the greatest gifts of all time He sent my way. To whoever found my body in the gutter that fateful night and returned my Id and iPod to my dad’s doorstep thanks for that. I appreciate each and everyone of you I’m here today because of the mercy and loved you showed me.

I walked around for the better part of my life feeling I wasn’t loved, didn’t deserve it and was a waste of space. Part due to my dads grief having him not celebrate my birthday and the unknowing cosign he did when he threw away pictures of my mom because of an ultimatum issued before marriage by an envious, money driven woman. I feel cheated which out of everything else I’m most pissed off about. The fact that I NEVER got to know my mother and have memories of my own to hold on to so that way grieving her wouldn't hurt as bad. Or having pictures to look back on from my baby days in reflection to see the growth and resemblance. That way as a kid I wouldn't be quick to rip someone's head off for making yo mama jokes. It hurts me to the core to the point I try to capture every event as if it’s my last. No memories of my birth mother to look back on by picture or from my head. Barely any pictures of my father and now its too late to do so with him too.

However, where and when I lost my parents I was given more I just had to be patient, open my eyes and they would find me. Even though at times it be hard, I have to remember that although I didn't have everything I wanted growing up what matters is the here and now. The love, support, encouragement and understanding that I felt was a parents responsibility to give, I had the whole time in the form of uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, and friends turned family. Now at times some resentment creeps up and lingers sometimes I'm healing from it. I understand better the importance of her sacrifice so I can live and have a life. I also am grateful and thankful for my stepmother although love is a stretch, but she gave me siblings that I can love and be proud to see grow like I birthed them. Despite misunderstandings between us they reciprocate that love and respect during my darkest times and I'm appreciative of that.

Writing this I'm reminded every elder that passes wisdom is a potential parent or grandparent figure, every friend I make and hold dear becomes a sister, brother or cousin, every young person that comes to me for advice or that I take into my heart is a kid I feel responsible for as a big sister. Most of all I’m most reminded that no matter what I do, where I go, and how I feel it will take the village to help me grow and keep going despite the odds. So to my Montbello community, Green Valley Ranch, Aurora, Childrens Hospital, Mile High City as a whole and the Rocky Mountain state in general I do this for you because you guys made me who I am today. Hopefully I make you guys proud in the days to come.

I now know that my mother loved me enough to let me live and this time around I will do my best to honor my mother, my father, and especially the parents and family I have been given in this life who support me and my goals and dreams. Thank you my village. I may live in Arizona but my heart beats Colorado.

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