Take the Power Back

When you leave a narcissistic partner be very aware that the abuse will not stop there. They will continue to do everything in their power to try and control you. This is where you must find your strength to continue speaking your truth. The rage that you have witnessed during your time with them is nothing compared to a narcissist who feels that you are a threat to them. You are one of the rare people who have seen the true person who resides inside them and they will stop at nothing to prevent the truth from getting out.

I left under false pretenses as promises were made that were not kept. Was I expecting the relationship to end, I honestly do not know but I think part of me secretly wanted it to end. I left to save myself and my own sanity, I saw where things were headed and I had no idea how volatile the situation would get. And because of that I am met with a new onslaught of abuse.

It began when I began trying to end it and getting my things back. Maintaining contact was something I had to do, by the end I had begged and pleaded to have my things given back to me but yet some of them still remain with him.

Narcissists will lie, cheat and steal to make sure that their dishonesty and abuse is kept hidden under the facade they show to the world. They will turn everything they ever did to you around so it looks like you are the abuser. They have to do this because they are too weak to admit the truth. The truth being, they simply are not good people. They will set out on a campaign to make you look like the most horrible person in the world and maintain victim status until the day they take their last breath. They are the masters of deception and will fight until one of two things happens, they die or you give up.

They will pull anyone that they can into this campaign against you and rest assured there will always be people who believe their lies. Regardless of how much they lied to you, stole from you and damaged you there will be people who will never see through their devious ways. Usually because those people are simply the same as the narcissist, they have no empathy, no sense of right and wrong and will defend their friend or family member with a vengeance. This is called victim shaming and only does one thing, it shows you people's true colors in the end.

They will stop at nothing to destroy you. Yes, I left and in doing so I have subjected myself to months of torture and hurt, however it has been the best decision of my life because those people are no longer allowed space in my life. I have made the choice to walk away and let him enjoy the possessions, money and sanity that he has taken from me for one day I will succeed in defeating his memory. I am stronger now than I have ever been and no longer will I tolerate abuse, from him or anyone who has a place in his life.

I will not stop sharing my story and speaking my truth because they feel the need to keep the torture going. I will continue to speak up against this type of abuse in the hopes that it can help others in some way. The reason that they continue to torture is simply out if fear, fear that the world will see them for who they really are.

There will be times when you feel weak and want to run back to where you are comfortable. There will be times when you want nothing more than to see that person again. There will be times when you miss the good times, but this is simply after effects of an immense trauma bond that they forged with you to keep you subservient. In the end you will bounce between wanting it over and missing the person you originally fell in love with. This is not the person that you are faced with, just an illusion that they have perfected. All of these feelings are perfectly normal for a trauma you have survived.

No matter what, do not give in. For if you do there is only one thing that will happen. They will have you right where they want you and the abuse will intensify tenfold. They now can do whatever they want to you and there will be no way out because they will have seen your final points of escape and they will annihilate them the moment you return. Leaving you no escape from the pain and torture that they will pile on top of you until they have finally managed to destroy you. They will succeed in ending your life one day at a time.

In this time where this invisible abuse has become so prevalent as decent human beings we have to stay strong against these predators and defeat them once and for all. Hold your head up high and know that no matter what, once you are gone they will never touch you again. They will never be allowed to steal your light and cover you in the darkness in which they live.

I know that these months have been hell for me and I have struggled to maintain my distance from him. I have struggled to end it and yes I too have felt weak at times. I will continue to struggle with the traumas that have been left in me and that is something that someone who is a narcissist will never understand. So for those people who don't believe you, you must recognize that they too are narcissistic people who have an image to maintain.

These people move on with their lives and live it as if they have done nothing wrong and will continue to deny any abusive tendency that they have. They will go on to live what they call their best life and yet you, the victim, will suffer for years. This too is sadly, not fair , but also normal. This happens because they have no ability to feel anything other than what serves their purpose to have what they want. You on the other hand feel way too much, you feel the guilt, the embarrassment, the shame in knowing that you were allowed this to happen.

I have had times when I was driving home and had to pull off the road because I saw what looked like his truck. All the while knowing that he is on the other side of the country. Panic attacks are now the norm for me when stuff happens that reminds me he exists in this world. A phone number coming up on my phone with the same area code, a voice in public that is similar to him, raised voices, and the list could go on and on.

I am working every day to defeat this and I have an amazing group surrounding me keeping me safe from him and I am forever thankful for that. I am moving on with my life but not in the way that he is. I am doing my best to live my best life with the people that I love, yet daily I suffer from the trauma that he has created. I question my loved ones regularly to make sure that they are happy and I am not getting on their nerves. I wonder if I am doing the right thing by sharing my story. I look behind me when I leave my house to make sure I am safe. So many things have changed for me because of him and yet, I am still here. I am still fighting to take back my life and learn to live again.

Please , anyone out there reading this. Stay strong, there will come a day when you no longer fear the demon and you will rise like the Phoenix that you are. The only thing that I can assure you will change is that over time with no contact you will slowly start to heal. Healing will take time but it is of the utmost importance that you allow yourself to feel every emotion and understand why you are feeling the way you do. Take the time that you need to work on yourself and you will be a better person for it in the end. Surround yourself with people who will support you through your healing journey and cut off anyone who sends toxic energy your way. This can be defeated but we must remain a pillar of strength united against an invisible abuse that has become a daily norm for some of us.

We must take the power back!