Stream of Consciousness
People Think I’m Healing. I Just Got Better at Hiding It
I wake up before the sun rises. It’s quiet. Peaceful, almost. But inside me, it feels like a hurricane still roars, even after all this time. People say I look better now. They say it like it’s a compliment. “You seem so much happier lately.” “I’m glad to see you doing well again.” “You’ve really bounced back.” I nod. I smile. I thank them. But if they knew how much energy it takes just to pretend, they’d understand this isn’t healing—it’s hiding. And I’ve gotten really, really good at it. It started after I lost my brother. He was everything to me—my anchor, my mirror, my best friend. His death wasn't a slow, understandable decline. It was sudden. Violent. A car crash, and that was it. No goodbye. No closure. Just emptiness. In the beginning, people gave me space. They let me cry, fall apart, grieve loudly. It was acceptable. Expected, even. But grief has an expiration date in the eyes of the world. After a few months, people stopped asking how I was doing. And when they did ask, they wanted the short answer. So I started giving it to them. "I'm good, thanks for asking." "Yeah, taking it one day at a time." "Better now." Better now. What a lie. The truth is, I’ve mastered the art of existing while crumbling inside. I’ve learned to laugh at the right times, keep my posture straight, and reply to texts like nothing’s wrong. But it’s all a performance. A delicate balancing act where one wrong step might bring the whole thing crashing down. At work, I’m efficient, focused. I even got a promotion last month. My boss says I’m thriving. I suppose that’s what it looks like from the outside—emails answered, meetings led, deadlines met. But what she doesn’t see is me staying late just so I don’t have to go home. Or me crying silently in the restroom because a playlist shuffled into a song that reminds me of him. Socially, I’ve rebuilt. Sort of. I go to dinners, post pictures, laugh at jokes. People like me again. They invite me places because I seem fun again. Normal. But they don’t see me come home and sit in the dark for hours. They don’t hear the silence that follows me everywhere, like a shadow I can’t outrun. Everyone thinks I’ve healed. And maybe it’s easier for them to believe that. Maybe it’s easier for me, too. Because the alternative? The truth? It’s ugly. It’s inconvenient. It makes people uncomfortable. Nobody wants to hear that someone still feels broken after all this time. They want inspiration, a comeback story. They want the phoenix rising from the ashes—not the bird still crawling through them, wings burned and useless. So I fake it. I fake it because I’m tired of seeing people flinch when I tell the truth. I fake it because I don’t want to be a burden. I fake it because somewhere along the way, pretending started to feel safer than being honest. But here’s the thing about hiding pain: it doesn’t make it disappear. It just festers in the dark corners of your soul. It grows roots in your chest and wraps around your heart like ivy. You learn to live with it, but it never stops hurting. Sometimes, late at night, I wonder if this is just who I am now—someone who can’t let go, who can’t move on. But other times, I realize something else: I’m not weak for feeling this way. I’m not broken because I still miss him. I’m just human. And maybe that’s the real truth behind the lie: I’m not healed. But I’m still here. Still breathing. Still trying. Still showing up. And maybe, for now, that’s enough.
By Azmat Roman ✨about a year ago in Confessions
Postpartum
No one talks about their demons they battle alone during postpartum. The struggle of wanting help but feeling so limited. The random burst of crying just to let out what you are feeling because even though you can try to talk to someone they will never fully understand.
By Merjaunie Lenaabout a year ago in Confessions
The Lie I Told That Changed My Life Forever
I was seventeen when I told the biggest lie of my life. And no, it wasn’t something dramatic like covering up a crime or faking an identity. It was small—ordinary, even. The kind of lie that slips off the tongue like it belongs there. But sometimes, those are the ones that change everything. It started on a Tuesday. I remember because it was raining, and the bus was late—again. My mom had just texted me: > “Did you turn in the scholarship application?” I stared at the screen. I hadn’t. I meant to. I’d even filled out half of it. But the essay question about “Where do you see yourself in five years?” had stopped me cold. Where did I see myself? I didn’t know. I barely knew what I wanted for dinner. I had been feeling lost for months, like I was standing on the edge of something big but couldn’t see what was ahead. Everyone around me had plans—medical school, law school, becoming engineers or CEOs. I just wanted to breathe. But how do you explain that to a mother who worked double shifts and skipped meals so I could study in peace? So, I lied. > “Yeah, I submitted it.” Three dots appeared. Then disappeared. > “Good. I’m proud of you.” That one sentence hit harder than I expected. And that was it. One lie. One text. Done. Except, of course, it wasn’t done. --- A few weeks later, she asked about the results. I dodged. A few months later, she asked again. I said they hadn’t announced anything. Then came graduation, and everyone was talking about the future. Someone even asked me in front of her, > “Didn’t you apply for that scholarship? What happened with that?” My heart thudded. I faked a smile. > “Ah, didn’t get it.” My mom squeezed my arm and said, “Next time, baby.” Her voice was kind, but something flickered behind her eyes. Disappointment? Doubt? I couldn’t tell. That lie should’ve ended there, quietly slipping into the fog of forgotten teenage drama. But lies are funny things. They grow. They multiply. Because I never told the truth, I kept pretending I was someone I wasn’t. Someone who had goals. A plan. A future. When I finally started college—thanks to a different financial aid path—I chose a major just to keep up appearances. Business. Everyone said it was “safe.” But sitting in those lectures, pretending to care about profit margins and brand positioning, I felt like I was wearing someone else’s skin. And all along, that one lie hung around my neck like a stone. It wasn’t about the scholarship anymore.
By cyrusazamabout a year ago in Confessions
All My Exes Hate Me Part 4: The One Who Almost Showed Up
By Gail F. Published June 2025 · 4 min read I used to think closure meant having a final conversation. Something tidy. One last exchange where we both say what we need to say and walk away better, wiser, cleaner. But maybe closure is quieter than I thought. Maybe it looks like nothing at all. This is about the one who almost showed up—but didn’t. Or maybe, in his own strange way, he actually did. --- When I decided to continue this little series—my personal mess aired out like a Netflix docuseries nobody asked for—I didn’t expect him to reach out again. Part of me hoped he would. Another part of me knew better. Still, it was 2:47 a.m. when his name flashed across my screen. Just a heart emoji and a voice note. I didn’t open it for two days. I wasn’t scared of what he’d say. I was scared of what I might feel. Let me take you back for a second. He was the one I trusted the most. Not because he earned it, necessarily—but because I needed to. Because he was the only one who made the chaos of my twenties feel like it had meaning. We weren’t perfect, and that’s not a poetic understatement. We were messy and impulsive, sometimes even cruel in our silence. But we got each other in a way that made everything else blur. That’s why I chose him first when I started this project. That’s why I was so shaken when he ghosted me right after agreeing to talk. I felt like I was being abandoned all over again. Like history, on repeat. --- The voice note? It was short. Scratchy. Like he recorded it from bed. > “I’ve been thinking about everything. And I know I messed up. But I’m proud of you. Really. I just couldn’t do it... not on tape.” I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t respond. But I listened to it again the next night. And then again the next week. --- People always talk about bravery like it’s this loud, disruptive thing. Like it comes wrapped in confrontation or declarations. But what if it’s something smaller? What if bravery is saying, I can’t talk about that yet—and meaning it? What if it’s knowing you’ve done harm, and deciding to be quiet rather than make it about your redemption arc? I thought I wanted him to participate in this story so I could finally tell the truth. But maybe what I really wanted was for him to acknowledge what we were, and what we weren’t. And that one voice note? It might’ve been enough. --- I kept writing. I kept talking to exes, some who were brutally honest, some who dodged my calls, and others who tried to rewrite history in their favor. But he was different. His absence held weight. His silence felt like punctuation, not avoidance. Every time someone asked, “Did you ever talk to him again?” I said no. Because technically, I didn’t. We never exchanged another word after that night. But I think about him every time I open my voice memo app. Every time I replay his message, I hear something new. Fear. Regret. Respect. Maybe even love, in its most diluted, exhausted form. --- This isn’t the explosive story people expect when they see the title of this series. There’s no betrayal, no screaming match, no karmic payback. It’s just two people who were once something—trying not to make things worse. And if I’m honest, that’s more powerful than any plot twist I could write. --- So, no. He never gave me the full interview. He never let me record a conversation or jot down notes from a cathartic sit-down. But he gave me a sentence. A moment. A softness I didn’t realize I needed. And maybe that’s the real story. Maybe it always was. --- Coming soon: Part 5 – “The One I Still Think About” when the past doesn’t stay in the past ---
By fazilat bibiabout a year ago in Confessions
All My Crushes Ignored Me — Until the One Who Came Back
1. The DM That Shook My Stability I’m 29 now. Life’s solid — decent job in Dubai, my own apartment, a gym routine I pretend to enjoy, and a golden retriever named Chai who thinks every human exists to throw his ball.
By Arshad khanabout a year ago in Confessions
All My Crushes Ignored Me — Until the One Who Came Back
1. The DM That Shook My Stability I’m 29 now. Life’s solid — decent job in Dubai, my own apartment, a gym routine I pretend to enjoy, and a golden retriever named Chai who thinks every human exists to throw his ball. Then came that Instagram DM. > "You're still the same… just more beautiful now." I squinted at the name. Meher Siddiqui. And just like that, 2016 came crashing back — the girl I once adored, the girl who called me her “best friend” and then went to prom with someone else. The DM was simple. But it unlocked a door I’d welded shut. 2. My Degree in Romantic Rejection If rejection were a college major, I’d have graduated with honors. Every crush in college was a new assignment. And every semester? A reminder that effort doesn't equal affection. I wrote poetry for Neha. > She replied: “So sweet, bro!” Made an actual presentation for Ayesha on “Why We’d Make a Great Couple.” > She used my slides… to teach her juniors. And then — there was Meher. Late-night texts. Inside jokes. Chai breaks between classes. Spotify playlists with hidden meanings. I felt like I’d finally found someone who saw me. So I told her. > “I think I’m falling for you.” She paused. Smiled gently. > “Arman, you’re my person… but not like that.” The friend zone. Final level. No cheat codes. 3. Seven Years of Silence After college, Meher and I didn’t fight. We didn’t block or unfollow. We just… stopped. I moved on — physically, at least. New job, new city, new routines. I built myself from the heartbreak up. One gym session, one work promotion, one late-night playlist at a time. Until she popped back in. Out of nowhere. Her message carried a softness — like nothing had changed. But I had. 4. Sarcasm on Ice I typed and deleted three replies. Then finally: > "Wow. Meher remembers me. Is Mercury in retrograde?" She laughed in a voice note. > “Saw your reel randomly. You look different… in a good way. Calmer.” Her tone was playful, nostalgic — but it stirred something sharp. Part of me wanted to ignore her. The other part — the one still haunted by "what ifs" — whispered: “You need closure, Arman.” 5. Coffee and Confessions We met at a familiar café. The café. The one where we “studied” but mostly joked, flirted, and stole glances over laptops. Meher looked different — older, more grounded. Her eyes still held that mischievous spark, but her posture said she’d been through life too. After a few sips of chai and awkward small talk, she sighed. > “I owe you an apology.” > “For?” “For not choosing you. You were genuine. The others were… noise.” I stirred my coffee. Once, that confession would’ve made me leap into dreams. Now? I just nodded. > “It wasn’t your job to choose me. But it was mine to stop waiting.” 6. The Reintroduction We talked more over the next few weeks. DMs turned into calls. Calls turned into dinners. She wasn’t trying to impress me. And I wasn’t trying to win her anymore. For the first time, we were just two people — not the roles we used to play. One evening, sitting in her car, she asked: > “Do you think we could… start again?” I paused. The old me would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. But this version? > “I don’t know. I’m not chasing anything anymore. But I’m willing to listen — without expectations.” She smiled. It wasn’t enough for her. But it was enough for me. 7. Replays and Realizations Some moments felt like déjà vu. Laughing over random memes. Arguing about the best chai spots. Playing music and driving around like time hadn’t passed. But I wasn’t that lost kid anymore. I didn’t spiral into feelings with every glance. I didn’t imagine futures from fleeting gestures. One night, Meher said: > “You’re different. You don’t need me anymore, do you?” I looked at her. Long and quiet. > “I think I still care. But I love myself more now.” 8. Closure Doesn't Always Announce Itself Closure isn't a scene from a movie. It doesn’t always involve shouting or slamming doors. Sometimes, it’s a smile on a quiet street, where you realize the ache is gone. I forgave her. Not because she earned it, but because I did. She once told me: > “You’re still the same Arman… just stronger.” She was right. But I wasn’t stronger because she returned. I was stronger because I stopped needing her to. 9. A Polite Goodbye Meher still sends me the occasional message. A “Hi.” A “Congrats.” A heart on a story. I respond with a single emoji — 🙂. Not out of spite. But out of peace. I’m not the backup plan. Not the what if. I’m no longer a side character in someone else’s arc. I’m my own plot twist. Epilogue: For Anyone Waiting on a Return If someone you once loved comes back, here’s what I’ve learned: Their return doesn’t make you whole. Your healing already did that. You weren’t invisible. You were just visible at the wrong time. And now? You don’t need a perfect ending. You just need your beginning — written by you, for you, without apology. 💬 Have you ever had someone return after rejecting you? Tell your story in the comments. Let’s talk closure, confidence, and comeback arcs.
By Arshad khanabout a year ago in Confessions
The Day I Walked Away From My Best Friend
Start writing.I never thought I’d say this, but I walked away from the one person who knew me best — and I don’t regret it. Sarah and I had been best friends since the sixth grade. We did everything together: sleepovers, crying over crushes, pulling all-nighters during finals, and laughing so hard we cried. She was like the sister I never had. We promised we’d be in each other’s weddings and name our kids after one another. But people grow, and sometimes they grow in different directions. It started small. She began canceling our meetups. She’d reply to my messages after days with one-word answers. At first, I made excuses for her — maybe she was busy with work, or life was just overwhelming. But slowly, I began to notice a pattern. Whenever she needed something — advice, help moving apartments, someone to vent to — I was the first call. But when I needed her? Silence. I remember the exact moment everything changed. It was my birthday last year. I had invited just a few close people for a quiet dinner. Sarah promised she’d be there. I even saved a seat for her beside me. But she didn’t show up. No call. No message. Just a blank space where she used to be. A week later, she texted, “Sorry, I was tired.” That was it. Something inside me broke that day. I realized I was holding on to a version of her that no longer existed. I thought about all the times I’d been there for her — listening to her heartbreaks, standing by her during family problems, defending her when others talked behind her back. And now, when I needed someone to just show up, she couldn’t be bothered. It wasn’t about the birthday. It was about feeling invisible to someone I considered family. So, I made a choice. I stopped reaching out. I didn’t block her or make a scene. I just… stepped back. I stopped sending long texts. I stopped checking her stories. I stopped waiting for her to care. Weeks turned into months. And with every passing day, I felt lighter. Letting go of someone you love is painful. But loving someone who doesn’t value you is even worse. Sometimes, we hold on to people because of history. But history doesn’t guarantee a future. Today, I have fewer friends — but they’re real. They show up. They check in. They value me the way I value them. I still think of Sarah sometimes. I wonder if she ever misses me. Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t. But that’s no longer my burden to carry. Walking away wasn’t easy. But it was necessary.
By Arshad khanabout a year ago in Confessions
He Was Just My Uber Driver. Then He Tried to Kidnap Me.
I still get chills when I hear the chime of a car unlocking from the inside. It’s been nearly a year, and yet something as simple as the sound of a car door clicking open can send my heart racing and my palms sweating like I’m right back in that night. The night I thought I might never make it home.
By Ava Writes Truthabout a year ago in Confessions
This Person is Dead
Chapter 1: The Announcement "This person is dead." Those words hit like a bullet. I was sitting right there when the doctor said it to my parents. “Your son, Ahmed… he's no longer alive mentally. His identity… his mind… has collapsed.” But I was right there. Breathing. Awake. Watching. Listening. Alive. Yet, the world had already declared me dead. --- Chapter 2: Collapse Ahmed. 23 years old. A gifted computer science student, rising content creator, thinker, writer — a young man people once looked up to. But the internet is ruthless. One night, his name flooded social media. Hashtags. Accusations. Cancel culture at its ugliest. AI-generated screenshots showed him saying things he never said. Deepfake voice notes. Fabricated conversations. It was a digital assassination. Friends distanced themselves. Teachers stopped replying. Strangers hurled abuse. "This person is dead." Not physically. But digitally. Reputationally. Spiritually. --- Chapter 3: Ghost Mode Ahmed disappeared. No status updates. No last post. No farewell. He deleted everything — Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube. And himself. He wandered far from the city, renting a decaying cottage in a forgotten village surrounded by mountains and silence. Every night, he wrote in a leather notebook by candlelight: > “If the world accepts a lie as truth, does truth die… or does it sleep?” --- Chapter 4: The Knock Three months passed. One rainy night, a knock echoed through the empty cottage. It was Asad — Ahmed’s old friend, the only one who had dared to believe he might still be alive. "You really disappeared, man," Asad whispered. "Everyone thinks you're gone." “I am,” Ahmed replied. “At least… the version of me the world knew is gone. Killed by pixels and silence.” But Asad didn’t come to mourn. He came with a plan. > “We’ll tell the world your story. But this time, we’ll fight fiction with truth.” --- Chapter 5: Ghosts Don’t Stay Quiet Together, they created a nameless YouTube channel. No face. No names. Just truth. Each video exposed the dark mechanics of digital misinformation: How AI can fabricate reality. How deepfakes blur the line between lie and life. How cancel culture crucifies the innocent without a trial. They showed digital forensics. They broke down Ahmed’s case piece by piece, not as victims — but as architects of clarity. At first, nobody cared. But then… one clip went viral. > "If a lie is well told, people kill the truth. But when truth returns, it doesn't knock — it breaks the door." --- Chapter 6: Resurrection Ahmed’s name re-entered public discourse. This time, not as a villain — but a mystery. Who was this person? Why did the story suddenly seem fake? Investigators took notice. Independent journalists dug into the original scandal. Slowly, the truth unraveled: The screenshots were fake. The voice notes were AI-generated. The people who orchestrated it had motives — competition, jealousy, revenge. Ahmed was innocent. But he wasn’t the same man anymore. --- Chapter 7: Return of the Dead He finally revealed himself on camera. The video was simple. No background music. Just his voice and his face. > “My name is Ahmed. Three months ago, the world killed me with lies. Today, I return — not to prove I’m alive… but to ask: why did truth die so easily?” Millions watched. The world paused. News channels ran specials. Legal action began against the people who faked his downfall. He was no longer a victim. He had become a movement. --- Final Chapter: The Person Who Died "This person is dead." Ahmed repeated those same words in a TED-style talk months later. “Yes, he died. The version of me who stayed quiet… who believed truth always wins on its own… he’s gone. The new me? I speak. Loud. Sharp. Clear. Because if you don’t own your truth — someone else will write your death.” --- 🔷 Closing Note > “Death isn't always in the grave. Sometimes, it’s when the world buries your truth. But if you can dig deep enough — you can come back from the dead.”
By TrueVocalabout a year ago in Confessions
The World Was Ending, So I Wrote This. Content Warning.
They said it would happen gradually. Then suddenly. And it did. No alien invasion. No meteors. No big-budget explosions in the sky. Just… silence, growing wider. Cities going dark. Systems breaking down like the slow unraveling of a thread you didn’t notice had frayed.
By Hasham Khanabout a year ago in Confessions
I Was Addicted to Painkillers: Here’s What Saved Me
I didn’t realize I had a problem until I woke up one morning and couldn’t move without swallowing three pills first. My hands were shaking, my mouth dry, my brain fogged over like I’d been underwater for days. That’s when I knew. Not when I started lying to my doctor. Not when I faked a back injury for a refill. Not even when I hid a bottle in my bra during a family dinner. No, I realized it only when I couldn’t exist without them.
By Ava Writes Truthabout a year ago in Confessions
