The Time My Google Assistant Tried to Get Me the WRONG Date
To this day, my cheeks flush and I press my lips tightly together before shaking my head in rueful laughter about the time my Google Assistant tried to set up a secretive rendezvous for me with a married man!
Car Crash that ruined my life
I have shared in several previous stories how I was a skinny, awkward teenager. I was a late bloomer and it seemed that I struggled with things that others did effortlessly. It literally felt as though everything I set my hands to was destined to fail. At 16 and heading in the 11th grade I was practically the only student who had not taken the driver's education course. I was going to sign up in the fall but something happened that summer that caused me to lose confidence. One afternoon I looked out the front window and saw my middle brother, age 14 driving my mother's vehicle down the road. She was seated beside him and obviously felt it was time he learned to drive.
My Legal Stigma
It took a lot of consistent therapy sessions from my husband and a lot of self-conversations with my alter ego to come to this level of confidence of penning down the most embarrassing moment of my life today. My sexual relationship with my husband suffered it for a long time but he understood where that was coming from. Where should I start from? Let’s just say my very religious African mother caught me having oral sex with my husband, for you to be able to understand the gravity, I better start from the very beginning.
I was too embarrassed to tell the truth
This cringe-worthy moment took place in 2010 and you can read the details at the following link. The gist is that a little boy in my city, who was a distant cousin of my husband had gone missing from the apartment where he lived. On the third day of news coverage, they announced that they were searching the trash bins in the apartment complex for the 2 year old. At that moment I knew exactly where the child was and told my husband and my grandma that he had been put in the trash and was now in the landfill that was a few miles away.
My First Camping Trip
Have you ever sat and thought about the first moment you ever felt a certain emotion? Like - when was the first time you felt scared? The first time you felt shy? Well, lucky for you I am going to tell you all about the first time I felt that pesky emotion that can hold us all back from so many things - Embarrassment.
Dressed to Impress
It was the summer of Abercrombie and Fitch, ironic trucker hats, over-sized sunglasses, and Paris Hilton...and I was about to start my Freshman year of high school. I had begged and pleaded with my parents all summer to let me attend public school- promising to attend youth group meetings every Sunday, in exchange for a chance to never have to wear a uniform or follow a frumpy dress code ever again. Not to mention, my two best friends, Zoë and Olivia, were in public school and I desperately wanted to be in the same school as them.
Contrary to popular opinion, Americans are not the most well-respected foreigners abroad. Being a “USA”, according to my entry documents, Hong Kong was less than impressed with the super-charged culture clash that comes with a twenty-something-year-old American discovering herself in such an environment. I worked hard to disprove some of these notions by partaking in local rituals and learning what I could of the language. I greeted the elders and showed my respect as best I could. In the end, I really couldn’t take the American out of the girl, as it were.
The Naked Man In The Mirror
I woke up excited on Saturday, October 29, 2013. Today I was getting my Zumba certificate at my local YMCA. I have been taking a Zumba class for a year and was loving it. So, I decided to become an instructor. I made my usual breakfast of apple cinnamon oatmeal with a banana. I packed a lunch and filled my water bottle. Today was going to be a fun day of learning and dancing.
Karma Comes Full Circle
Let me start by saying that I’ve had a knack for video games ever since I was a kid. For some reason, I’ve been innately good at them. Whenever I walked into an arcade (for those who’ve never been in one think of it as a big room with a bunch of PS5s or Xbox Ones, but they’re in giant cabinets and they only each play one game) I made every single quarter that I put into those machines count. The best part of spending my time in arcades wasn’t necessarily just playing the games themselves. Playing against people made the experience so much better. I’m not a necessarily competitive individual, but I do have a problem with the arrogance that came from people, specifically older people. They always seemed to walk up to me with this smug look on their faces like they just expected me to shrink in fear because they were taller. Whenever anyone older than me would face me, they usually had to use a minimum of two plays. The first when they tried to “take it easy on me,” and the second when they found out that was a very bad idea the first time through. Regardless of the outcome, it gave me great pleasure to see that look of arrogance change to one of angry respect or just anger period as they walked away in inevitable frustration. As I grew older, I knew that I would experience that same feeling of being beaten by someone younger than me. I just never thought that experience would also come with an embarrassing bonus.
Salt instead of sugar
Salt instead of Sugar At the age of fourteen, I had my first real crush, and I say real because I have had month crushes, week crushes, and day crushes but these were all very short duration and not memorable at all. This crush, my real crush lasted until I found my husband which was not my crush, and it was only when I found my husband that I realized it was just a crush and not love. I went to a private school run by mostly my family members. Two of my sisters had Bachelor of Education degrees and were teachers at my school. My Mother's best friend was my teacher, and a couple of other adults I have known since I was a toddler .were teachers, all of which had bachelor's and master’s degrees in education, and had wanted better for their kids, and the kids of their friends. That is how the school got started and my brother in law was the principal. So, I went there, and it was great, amazing, and I learned and enjoyed my environment. I had my crushes for the short duration that I had them until that one day when a teacher who I admired husband came up to the school. She was a young teacher around 22 or 23 and I was 14. That day I volunteered to watch her class, while she went to make xerox copies for her class up the hall. I was pretending I was the teacher for that day and was reading to the kids, and he walked in. It was a crush at first sight. He walked into the room and ask where his wife was, I forgot how to speak my words made no sense and I was drooling, before I could make a fool out of myself, She came back, I went back to focusing on the little kids trying to act like I was mature, but laughing at things that was not even funny. so after that happened everything went back to normal, and I went to her class as much as I could in hopes to get a glimpse of him. It made my day if I saw him or if he said hello. The teacher whose husband I had a crush on had a writing contest. I love poetry so I decided to enter, and she said she would help me with my sentence structure and punctuation. she was not one of the judges, so it was ok. she invited me to her house on a Saturday. Saturday came, and I went hoping to see him but when I got there he was not there, and she sat me down at the computer and told me to let my hands and my heart guide me. I chose to write about my birth mom who gave me and my sisters away out of love for us because she was an alcoholic. While I was writing she was doing her exercises and we chatted in between. Thirty minutes later she said she was going bike riding and would not be gone long. At this point, I had forgotten about her husband and was focused on my writing. A little while later I heard the key in the door and was thinking wow, that was quick, but paid it no mind until he spoke, I froze like I was an intruder and was caught red-handed. So, he spoke again first greeting me, which I did not greet back, then asking about his wife’s whereabouts. he was a jokester and asked if I kidnapped her, but I literally could not speak as I was trying to gather my thoughts of how to reply so it would not be a repeat of our first meeting. His wife walked through the door, Needless to say, I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could, I quickly finished writing, lost my train of thought, and wrote a poem about love in the middle of my story that was not related to my mom at all. When I was done, I told her I was finished, and she told me to leave the computer open and she would proofread it and save it so I could make the correct adjustments later. My crush commented that he thought I was a mute and said other things to make us laugh. He was very funny, and that was another thing that had me crushing hard. Was that he made me laugh. He said to me, so now that I know you can talk its ok to speak and that he was not like a murder or something. His wife then asked him to take me home. I was thinking in my head, bad idea, please do not let him take me home, I cannot be in the car with him, It is not a good idea, I am in love with your husband lady. They were going back and forth about what he wanted for dinner and other things. She said she would drop me off because she had to run to the store. relief washed over me, and by the way, I adored, admired, and looked up to his wife so much, but her husband was a beautiful man like super beautiful long eyelashes, dark eyes, curly hair, tall, muscular as he was in the army or marines, I do not remember which, so as time went on, I decided that he was the one that I could live life, having a crush, and my world would be perfectly great. Anyway we used to go camping two to three times during the summer with family and families of most of the teachers at the school it was amazing, then one camping trips they were there and their tent was right beside, talk about pressure, I had to make sure I looked nice, and just did everything correct, as I didn’t want to get embarrassed. We watched movies at their campsite, and as they were all watching movies, I literally stared at him trying to engrain his face in my memory, and other silly things like that. When he asked me to take a picture of them most of the pictures were only of him, I was trying to focus the camera, but I just kept focusing on him, therefore, that is how the picture turned out, with just him being in the frame. One of the times we went camping, I played cards in the tent with his wife, and he was somewhere else, but I was so happy, because I was in the tent where he slept. So, as we were playing cards he came in, and he was wet, and I mean soaked, so I saw all the muscles, he asked me, if his wife was being nice, because he would put her out if she wasn’t, I laughed, and was about to leave, as I was walking away, he called me over to his car and gave me a whole bottle of soda, that was it, in my mind we were a couple, and that was my dowry. Everything went back to normal after the summer. I went back to school and I used to spend the weekend over my sister house. One weekend I stayed over, my sister told me they were having guests, so we clean the house and prepared food for the guess, at 7 pm they came, and it was my crush and his wife, and she was pregnant. I ran in the kitchen, with my back against the refrigerator, and slid to the floor, my stomach was full of butterflies, and my mind was all in a knot, I could not stop smiling, and I could not focus, my sister was laughing as she knew about my crush. When dinner was over, I was still very hungry, because I literally nibbled my food and didn’t dig in as I would usually, because I felt I chewed weird, and was afraid of him being the jokester he was, would make a joke, so after dinner my sister and my crushes wife went to chill in the kitchen, and my brother in law and my crush went in the living room, and my brother in law asked me to make them two cups of milk tea, I was so happy, this was my chance to impress. I got the two teacups and poured in boiled water, put in the tea bags added the milk, and the sugar. I wanted it to be sweet so I put 2 table spoons of sugar in, and took it to them, he thanked me , and said I was so sweet, I ran back to the kitchen with my hand over my heart, smiling so hard. A minute later my brother in law called me, and I thought they were so impressed that they gulped it down, and wanted more, but to my shock, and embarrassment, “he asked” was it a new recipe, and they both laughed, while rinsing their mouth with water. I went to the kitchen to see what kind of tea it was, and realized I used salt instead of sugar, so I went back, with my face super red from embarrassment, and told them I thought the salt was sugar, and apologized, remade it correctly and they loved it, but after that day if I made tea or anything, especially at camping, it became the running joke of, remember to use sugar. Needless to say, even though I wanted to be noticed by him, and was, it was because I used salt instead of sugar. To this day, he calls me his family, and even signed as a witness on my marriage certificate, and the reason was because I used salt instead of sugar.
when life kills your baby chickens
I was in seventh grade and I liked a boy. Middle school relationships are extremely complicated. They consist of conversations NOT between a boy and a girl, but between the boy’s friends and the girl’s friends.
The Mysterious Button
Curiosity might be one of my exemplary qualities, but it has proven to have a dark and embarrassing side as well. When my inquisitiveness left me staring down the barrel of a gun it may have permanently tempered my nosiness.