Strength

Hey Mom. I’ve never told you this before, but when you kicked Dad out of the house because he had been cheating on you, I knew what he had done was wrong, but I was angry with you. Even though he wasn’t my biological father, I was a daddy’s girl. I wasn’t crying because you were crying; my tears were those of anger and verged on hate. I can’t imagine what it was like to learn of all the other women; some of them supposed to be your close friends. You had been betrayed by so many, and the pain you felt was obvious. I should’ve been the supportive daughter, but I couldn’t help wanting him to come home. I craved the perfect little family image that had shattered. I’m not sure how, but people at school knew what had happened; maybe they didn’t know the entire story, but I could hear the gossip in the halls. I know I didn’t tell anyone, but perhaps it was clear that something was wrong when two young girls who spoke and hung out every day; just distanced themselves, not by choice, but because one’s father and the other’s mother chose to be unfaithful to their partners. Ten years of a friendship ripped to shreds in one night; that was when my anger shifted toward dad. How could he be so selfish to not only ruin both your lives but mine as well? Weeks went by, and my anger just turned into confusion. I watched as you seemed to move on, not over what had happened but moving forward. Dad begged you to let him come back, and he swore he’d never be unfaithful again. At first, his pleas fell on deaf ears, and I thought you might file for divorce. I thought I’d be at your house during the week and his house on the weekends. Slowly, he came by to spend time with us kids after work and see us off to bed. I tried desperately to stay awake; listen to the conversations you and he had while we slept, but I always drifted off. Then in the blink of an eye, we woke up, and he had stayed over the night before whatever was said changed your mind, and you said dad was coming home. I thought I’d feel relieved, but instead, I couldn’t help feeling you were weak for giving in. I had been seeing this strong woman who didn’t need a man that would disrespect her, and now I was seeing a weak woman who depended on a man so much that she would bring him back into her life. I learned over time why you did it, and I couldn’t have more respect for you. To my knowledge, he never cheated on you again. Though you never forgot, you did forgive. Seeing that made me realize how strong you were. You overcame so much pain and did what you felt was right for your family. I think you made the right decision; the kids are grown and you’re still together. Thank you for showing me strength; differently; than I had pictured it before. As much as I’d like to give you this to read, I also know you wouldn’t be able to handle some of the things I said earlier, and while you’ve never forgotten what he did I certainly don’t want to remind you of it. Ill probably never tell you the full story of how that event made me feel or how it changed so much of how I saw the world, but I love you and I can’t thank you enough for being my mom.