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some name

Finding my own independence with my identity

By Chloe Rose Violet 🌹Published 3 years ago • 3 min read
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Chloe by Emblem3

I hate the song Chloe by Emlem3. I always had found the song to be truly annoying but, I think that is because I've always hated my own name. I am being completely serious. I have always hated my name, Chloe.

Maybe if there were greater love songs written using my name, like Rihannon by Fleetwood Mac or Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond, I would feel a little differently. Your name is a part of your identity and who you are as a person, but trust me when I say that I have always hated it.

This feeling of mine started at a very young age. Ever since I was a little girl, I did not like my first given name. Maybe it had something to do with my grandparents also had a pet dog named Zoe for the better part of fifteen years or maybe it was the fact that nobody had truly used it lovingly. Having your name mixed up with the family dog ends up hurting a lot when you are a child but that is beside the point.

My mother chose to name me after a little girl in a commercial named Chloe. The name happens to have Greek origins so I have learned over the years as I grew up. Chloe means "verdant and blooming".

I have been struggling with my own independence away from my family for as long as I can remember. Strong family values are important to me but trust me when I say my mother does not understand me. I have accepted our differences as I got older.

I have always hated every single nickname that came along with my stupid name. I grew up constantly correcting my family members and friends. Cleo was my least favourite of them all. I had just wanted to have an easier name. Chloe. I just wanted to say my name was Chloe and be done with it all. Nobody truly has used it lovingly. Which hurts to say. Now, even after dating a guy who also had an ex-girlfriend by the same name, that desire to change my first given name is even stronger. Even he could not call me by my name unless we were in bed together which utterly broke my fragile heart.

My beautiful middle name Rose was given to me for my Great-Grandma Stella Rose who passed before my birth. I always loved this part of my name. Together, Chloe Rose just seemed to flow off the tongue. So, I can see why my mother chose to give me the name. Even if I still do not like it very much, unfortunately for her.

When I was about eight years old, I had chosen to give myself the second middle name Violet due to the advice given to me by my Great Auntie. She gave me the great advice that there was no reason why I couldn't give myself my own middle name.

My younger self was utterly obsessed with the colour purple and the books called The Boxcar Children. It was a book series based on the lives of four children who move into a boxcar after their parents died. I always related to the eldest sister the most, whose name happened to be Violet. So, I gave myself the name Chloe Rose Violet.

I think choosing your own name allows for some freedom within your identity. My mother and father never understood my second middle name. But I treasure that memory that I gained from my Great-Auntie when it came to stepping into my independence away from my family line.

I do think it is fair to say I still struggle to find my independence away from my family, as much as I love them deeply. Healing from codependency issues has not been easy but with my trusty second-self given middle name with me, I feel like I am starting to be steered towards the right track. At least I can hope so anyway.

Chloe Rose Violet

P.S. Don’t forget to tip your writer.

Childhood
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About the Creator

Chloe Rose Violet 🌹

Writing from the heart about love, life, music, mental health, and everything else in between. 💀🥰

•Follow me on Threads @rosefearless

•Like my new Facebook page ROSEFEARLESS

Purchase my affirmation cards here!

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