Self Doubt - never alone 💜

Hello my darling Vocal readers and writers it has been some time, I am aware of this.

First I would like to say, thank you for meeting me here. This piece is perhaps a deep one and just hopefully a relatable one in ways in which I was aiming for.

Comes from deep in my soul and how the last months have been.

So this one may make you feel and see you are not alone.

Or it May sting but know this, you are not alone. 💜

In those hard thoughts I feel it it two trust me I do.

I do every day lately, but I am hear to talk about it show you my soul.

Open up to you.

The doubt I have and yes in every aspect of my work I have it.

With every single piece on here, my self publishing journey and other plant-forms, trust me I feel it.

So while I am all for visualisation which I do daily btw, every evening with my headphones in as a I dream of that day when one story say people truly understand it and it speaks to them deeply.

Yes while I know what I see!

What I visualise In that future.

And yes before you ask it does work for me that is. 🥰

Law of attraction, it does work.

I trust it, I have seen it work for myself. 💜

I still see that girl I once was, all those many moons ago.

Who lived in and around the arts.

I think to myself deeply with my writing, am I alone here with these thoughts ? 🤔💜

Do I have what it takes? 💜

Do I have that passion? 💜

Do I have that drive? 💜

Am I strong enough for this? 💜

Do I have a strong enough story that will make readers and writers even stop and want to read with the stories I create out there on my self publishing journey I think deep.

In my Complex mind.

In my soul essence.

The stories that I enjoy Writting will people like.

The stories that pull at emotions.

Will it reach people in their own way!

for every reader is different right, they will see it differently on a different angle.

But when I first started this journey, I knew this my stories a lot of them they have a message.

A message that is Cryptic in a way, yes indeed.

A story though with true meaning.

But is it strong enough for others to reach.

Ill tell you a secret, I thought when in the arts could I do is this!

What I wanted back then or shall I say who I once was.

The arts saved me yes from my own condition and truly it did.

But the thought lingered in my mind time to time.

Before I got really ill, it took over before I became a mum what in my heart desired deeply desired.

What I was born for.

I knew, I knew in my masters even I was just flying by in the arts and traveling to different locations for work in the arts to pay it much thought shall we say.

but slowly that thought came back of my mind.

I felt it before my spiritually journey, before my transition.

What I was born for.

To Create.

To write.

I be honest I just did not think I was good enough, I still do not. 💜

However after a reading last year in Glastonbury, something seem to click in my mind.

It is this, don't worry about getting your work perfect just get it out there.

That's it scary I know right.

But it was this.....

Do not worry about spelling errors and gramer being so perfect it's the story and the build up but most importantly what this means to you! 💜

If you have a story, you have already written in the brain just get it out.

Start with Inkitt perhaps keeps you discipline trust me I am on there and that is where I have been with my work and reading for that matter.

As well at goodreads off course that is where my self publish work is at really giving me a wake up call before I can release my next book which is a game changer completely.

Shock alert different genre, I can not say anything more or I will not be able to self publish Amazon are very strict on that from what I heard I do not want to chance it.

So, If that inspiration on a story hits you just write it, show the world online, get a feel be in the community of writers see if it works there are many self publish writers on medium as well, check that out as well I am on there normally for reading and research purposes to be honest.

Dont let fear take over the mind, like it did for me for 8 years or so when I started my Purpose story journey.

Just do it believe in yourself that is all you need.

Now YES truly it is still hard to think I am actually doing this or good at this why ?

I tell you.

I have a learning disability since primary school from my epilepsy, I was not allowed to do my SATS in year 6 that hit me hard.

note- not all learning disabilities are the same mine is processing Information but thanks to studying and reading a lot over the years.

I have trained myself and because of all that my learning disability is not as obvious as you would think.

I failed all my GCSES in Secoundary school but one.

Drama!

My mum, made the right call she knew me so well, she knew I wanted my independence and how I did not allow my condition to take over every aspect of my life.

She knew college was the right fit to do everything again at college before applying for performing arts then Uni and well you get the jazz of it as I say.

Maths I failed 7 times no lie, but I was driven and I needed it for Universty and in the end I done it.

I got what I needed.

Later the masters came along with a load of other courses I chose to do.

Anyway that self doubt all, yes it is still there to this day.

Most likely why I am self publishing on Kindle, because I am scared to take Ease into epilepsy into a physical form book maybe. 🤔💜

The point I am showing here is I have crashed and fallen so many times if I don't try, I will never know right!

Never know what could be and that right there is something I can not live without knowing.

No regrets right that is what we learn as we get older right.

But my advice to you is you are not alone and trust your work and someone I mean this will read your work will see talent, see your story.

All it takes is getting your work up there!

Side note - but also all do not forget to copy right your work wherever you put your work up on just incase.

Anyway night all. 💜

With much love Cryptic Edwards 💜💜