Self-Discovery: Embracing a Path Towards My Authentic Self

I was searching for some journaling prompts when something unexpected happened...

On my smartphone, I have an app called "Journal Prompts" filled with creative ideas and prompts to explore.

As I scrolled through them, nothing caught my eye.

Why? Most were about self-reflection, and it scared me. Not because I never practiced self-reflection. But because I felt like I didn't truly know myself at all.

So, instead of following the prompts, I made a choice: I would write about self-discovery. And here I am.

Yesterday, I completed the web series "13 Reasons Why," which portrayed many dark and troubling scenes. It made me feel immense sorrow for teenagers enduring such hardships. It also made me realize that adolescence is a time of significant change for everyone.

Looking back, I don't recall ever really talking to myself when I was a kid. Perhaps I did, but I do remember feeling incredibly lonely, even in the presence of my parents and at school. I longed for someone who would listen, care for me, and show kindness. So, in the late hours when everyone was asleep, I would pour my heart out to the empty room.

Strength and Self-expression

Since then, many things have changed.

I managed to gather the scattered pieces of myself and found strength within. I began to fight back, to express myself, and to focus on personal growth. YouTube became a valuable resource in my journey of self-improvement.

But even now, I sometimes feel as though I lack a voice when I need to stand up for myself, speak the truth, or persuade others. Speech anxiety takes hold, leaving me anxious, shaky, and overwhelmed with emotions.

While watching that series, I couldn't help but think about how unfair it is for students to endure such difficulties.

Some are fortunate to have parents who recognize when something is wrong and provide them with the opportunity for therapy.

Unfortunately, I never had that chance. I yearned to talk to someone who could help me uncover the turmoil within, but it's not easy where I am, and online therapies have their limitations.

Path to Rediscovery

Maybe I need to look deeper into myself to go through those questions again. Maybe I'm going lazy trying not to remember because I feel I have a bad memory. Or maybe I never thought about it.

So. I'm rediscovering myself. And this time not biased on what others think it should. But what I feel an honest truth about myself. Because, we tend to lie ourselves more often than others.

I had a bad habit from my childhood, especially when I'm deep in thought - nail-biting.

I've heard there are studies claiming that nail-biting is a sign of intelligence or something. I'm not sure, but it definitely used to be a sign of messiness for me.

Back then, my room and bed were always cluttered with school textbooks, and I never made the effort to put them back on the shelves. Cleaning and organizing seemed like a daunting task.

But things have changed now. My room is the cleanest and most organized in our entire house. I even clean the places that no one else bothers with, like the kitchen and freezer, scrubbing away months-long grease and food stains, and the toilet. Witnessing this transformation makes me happy.

The Joy of Acquiring New Skills

In the past, I used to live in a messy state because:

• I never knew what it felt like to be in a clean and organized environment.
• I lacked the skills to clean and organize.

However, as I started learning from my roommates, books, documentaries, and YouTube videos, cleaning became effortless.

It made me realize that when I was young and lacked knowledge and experience about the world and certain tasks, I couldn't know if I would enjoy doing them.

With proper skills, I learned to embrace the beauty of these tasks that once overwhelmed and disgusted me.

Similarly, I used to struggle with genuine self-expression because I didn't know how. But now I've learned.

It may require some extra skills, but once I master them, expressing myself authentically will become a skill to cherish on my journey of self-discovery. And who knows, maybe I won't even need therapy!