Rock Wall People

My most embarrassing story happened when I was 28, I am 40 now. First let me give you a little background. I am a diagnosed schizophrenic as well as a couple other things, but this mental illness in its self causes me the most stress because you never know when an episode can happen. That can range from anything to hearing voices to having full on hallucinations. This story is about the first episode I ever had.

I was 28 years old living on my own and I woke that morning like every other morning. I went into the laundry room to get something from the dryer but when I glanced outside through the back window, I saw my neighbors outside with shotguns. I also saw one in my truck that was parked in my driveway. I started freaking out not knowing what was happening. When I went outside to investigate there was no one in my truck and my neighbors had vanished off the porch. I was extremely confused.

I walked back into my house and tried to ignore what I had seen but then I saw something move in my rock wall surrounding my yard. I went out side and I could see blinking in the rock wall. At this point I was convinced that they were wearing rock wall camouflage because I could see movement even just slightly. I ran inside and first called my mom, I was freaking out, but there was nothing she could do because she was in another state, but bless my mother for trying to calm me down as best she could cause she realized what was happening. My mother then called my Grandpa at the same time that I called the police to tell them about what my neighbors were doing.

That day was the first time I had ever seen my Grandpa cry, it was heartbreaking. the officer showed up a few minutes later. I went outside and was pointing to the rock wall screaming, "Can't you see them they are right there, they are taunting me, whey can't you see them?" Both my Grandpa and officer swore there was nothing there. The officer who I am thankful knew me asked if I had taken my meds, to which I replied, "f... my meds don't you see them?" My grandpa was scared and didn't know what to do so the police officer said, "Look Paige, the neighbors are a little freaked out can you just promise me you will stay on your property inside the fence, because I don't want to have to take you to the psych clinic." So, I promised I would and went back inside.

I came out with a jimmy bat after everyone left and was beating the back wall swearing I could see blood running from the wall. That day I sat on my porch for about 4 hours talking to the rock wall, telling the camouflage people that I had all day and they had to pee eventually. All throughout the day I had friends calling to calm me, but most the credit goes to my mother cause even though she was far away and at work she spent most of the day listening to me rant and just tried to keep me as calm as she could. Finally a friend said hey come hang with me and we will sit and talk and that's what I did and finally after an extremely draining day I finally felt better.

After that day my neighbors did everything to avoid me. If I was walking down the street and they were coming toward me they would turn and go the opposite direction. I was then known as the loonytoon of the street, but that is okay. Nowadays I have it more under control. It is still a daily battle but I have come to accept that this is just a part of who I am, for better or worse. But the truth is I can look back at this story and laugh, because I know how it must have looked. I learned I can not change my mental illness, but I can learn to laugh when the crazy I know is not real appears or the voices stick around. Like I said for better or for worse this who I am.

thank you for reading