ROBOCALLS

ROBOCALLS

 And their cousin: SPAM

 **

 It was 7:57am or at least that’s why my bedroom clock said. Okay, so I’m not a morning person. I don’t have a problem getting up at 7:30 or 8:00 as long as I have something important to do. When it’s what I call a “free day”, then, yeah, let me sleep until 8. I’m happy with that.

 But … unless it’s an emergency, don’t call me before that.

 And yet, there it was. Three minutes before seven and the phone started to ring.

 My husband also enjoys sleeping a bit later when there’s nothing pressing to do, so on this morning, with nothing immediate pending and the phone starts to ring, I grabbed it quickly, jumped out of bed and hurried out of the room.

 “Hello,” I said groggily.

 Then, I hear, “Hello, this is Alison and we just have a few more papers to finalize so we can complete your preapproved loan application.”

 WHAT THE HELL?

 I never applied for a loan. Never intend do. Naturally, I disconnect the call. It was an automated call. No living person on the other end. If there had been, in my groggy state of mind, I probably would have said something like, “I’ve already won the lottery and your measly thousands would be like one grain of sand on the Sahara.”

 Of course, I didn’t win the lottery but hey, it sounded funny, right? Or was it sarcastic? Doesn’t matter. There was no one to talk to.

 Go back to bed? I was now already awake what’s the point.

 One hour later, Jonathan calls. “Hello, my name is Jonathan and I’m here to finalize your preapproved loan application for $36,000. HUH!! What is he, Allison’s brother?

 Four calls later, I’m ready to get the hammer out of the garage and bash the phone. I don’t, but I sure was tempted.

 By four in the afternoon, I’d received seven of these calls – all, by the way, I deleted and hit the “spam” link, only to have them call again and again. Seems I can’t win!!

 Then there was my old favorite. Some guy in another country would call. They always managed to hack into a local phone number, so thinking it might be doctor’s office, I’d answer only to hear, “Hello, dis is weendows calling!” I never failed to reply, “Sorry, you a bit late. My husband already washed them all,” then I’d hang up.

 I’ll never forget the spam I’d gotten that I know many people fall for. I thank God every day that I know my family!

 The call was like this: “Hi, is Uncle Mickey there?”

 My husband (no Mickey isn’t his name and I’ll use all fake names in this story), has several nieces and nephews and only three of them call him Mickey, so this was a huge red flag. I played along.

 “He’s out to lunch with a friend.”

 “This is Sara. I need help.” 

 “Okay, Sara, what’s going on?”

 “Alan and I were on vacation in Italy and we were robbed. We need to get home.”

 “Oh, so I’m guessing you need our credit card number.”

 “Oh, it would sure help. Thank you.”

 “Hold on; let me get my wallet.”

 What I did instead was call my sister-in-law.

 “Karen, where’s Sara?”

 “Home, you know she home-schools her kids.”

 “Oh, so Sara and Alan aren’t in Italy?”

 “What are you talking about?”

 “I’ll call you back in about five minutes.”

 I walked back to my little home office and said “I have my wallet, are you ready? Do you have a pen and paper handy?”

 “Yes, oh yes, I really appreciate this.”

 “Ok then, SARA (which I almost shouted into the phone) write this down: 3825968. Use your phones key pad and figure it out!”

 Then, as I was smiling, I hung up and did a little victory dance.

 Whoever that woman was, never called again.