The entirety of life is a learning curve. It’s a process. It’s about growth. It’s about being better than you were yesterday, even if just slightly. It’s about not beating yourself up if you aren’t. Hopefully, you’ll get another shot at it tomorrow. It’s cumulative. It’s baby steps. It’s moving forward on your journey, incrementally. It’s the stock market. Sometimes you’re up. Sometimes you’re down. But ideally, you’re mostly up before you cash out.
There are plenty of moments in my life of which I am ashamed. So many. I think back and wonder what was I thinking? And I’m glad I’m not that person anymore. At least I try not to be.
I won’t go into a lot of detail because the small deets are not the point. Basically, I acted a complete fool toward a woman in an effort to do a “favor” for a man who was not even slightly worth it. It pains me to think about it but I’m still in awe of that woman. If I could remember her name, I would find her and thank her for the lesson she gave me.
So, this dude had me (and what’s worse, one of my girlfriends) roll to this woman’s house to get something of his he claimed she wouldn’t give back to him. He was manipulative and I was stupid. Outraged, I volunteered to go over there and get this item. My girl was radical too so she was down for the mission. We get over there and I just showed out. I’m not proud of this at all. I am not against showing out if it’s justified. This was not.
The woman was…amazing. She did not respond in kind. She was calm, almost entertained, seems like. Her reaction only made me more idiotic which probably amused her even more. I was so rude. I made ridiculous comments about her, her lovely home, and had the gall to attack her unwillingness to give up the item I’d come for. I didn’t know the whole story. Actually, I didn’t know the true story. I was a tool and made an absolute fool out of myself. I actually felt stupid during the episode but by then, I was on that escalator an couldn’t get off. She never raised her voice, never demanded that we leave, never threatened to call authorities. It was almost like she knew I was being played and chose to wait for my little episode to fizzle out. She was clearly the wisest person in the room.
Needless to say, we left without achieving the goal. I don’t know if the dude ever got his item. I don’t care. I immediately didn’t care because though I’d done something stupid, I was smart enough to know I was wrong.
I called her the very next morning and apologized for my behavior. She didn’t deserve that and it was clearly one of the dumbest things I’d done to date. And she forgave me. She was kind and gracious and generous in a way I did not deserve. She was obviously at a place in her life I was a long way from. She was someone I could have used as a friend. I imagine she would have taught me so much.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve change and if so, how much? I still get outraged about things, but I like to believe my anger is righteous. I like to believe that it’s about poverty and the mistreatment of animals and the irresponsible use of apostrophes. If I keep this experience front and center in my mind, I can remember to apply grace to situations that irk me. I was not entitled to any that day. But that’s what grace is. A gift.
About the Creator
M.B. Carter
Just a girl who loves to write and is still trying to figurei it all out.
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