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One day.

by Suzann Pedersen 7 months ago in Bad habits · updated 6 months ago
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A journey of a woman who just needs strength.

One day.
Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

She sat in the living room looking straight at the tv while the narcissistic peace of crap walked up and down the hall telling her how stupid she was. It didn't phase her anymore. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He yelled. "This is why no one you love stays around... they don't want to put up with your bullshit." She slowly moved her eyes to him, and thought about what she was going to pack when he was finally done and left to make her feel like he was gone for good. As he spoke she mouthed every word he said... because it was like a forever spinning record player that was caught on a scratch.

He finally left, and as soon after he slammed the doorAs soon she sobbed. Not because she was sad. Not because of what he said to her.... but because she was broken and ashamed of herself. How did she let this get this far? How did she become this isolated, lonely girl who was constantly begging for love and approval. The scraps he threw just kept her alive and begging for more, eagerly doing anything and everything to please him. It wasn't like this in the beginning... he was amazing. He was charming and beautiful and made her feel incredible. She still couldn't pinpoint the moment she “made him change”.

She took a deep breath and got up from the table, went to the bedroom and pulled out her suitcase from underneath the bed. She started to pack... just the necessities. Fast because who knew when he would be back... thirty minutes or tomorrow. She never knew. I don't want to be here. Please God help me get out of here.

She didn't know where she was going to go. Her friends stopped talking to her because he made her feel like a huge traitor if she talked to them in person or on the phone. She stopped talking to her parents because he made her feel guilty if she did because “they are against our love”. Mom I'm so sorry. It didn't matter. This wasn't going to stop her this time. This time it was going to be worth it if she had to sleep in her car or on the street. She was leaving.

She closed the suitcase and grabbed her coat and ran down to the car. She hand't seen him so that meant he chose to stay away for the day. Her heart beated intensely as she put the keys in the ignition. She picked up her phone. "Mom?" She began to sob as she backed out of the driveway. "Mom I don't know what to do or where to go but I can't be here anymore." twenty minutes into driving and a sob session later, she was on her way. When she got there, she felt ashamed and embarrassed... with a lot of bit of stupid. I treated them so bad. They will probably be angry with me. I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve to be here. She went to put her key back in the ignition and felt a hand touch her face. It was her mother and behind her, her father. She began to sob again-"I'm. I'm so sorry." Her father opened the door and pulled her out of the car and gave her the best embrace that made almost all the shame and the guilt go away. Her parents just stood holding her in the driveway for a good half an hour to let her soak up what all the love she had missed and she closed her eyes to take in all the warmth.

When she opened her eyes she was confused. The room was gray from the sun not being out yet. She was laying on her side in her bed facing the clock. It didn't have a time on it. Her heart grew sad and lonely and she realized that the hug she felt was really just his arm around her. She stared at the clock and remembered that it didn't have a time on it because he threw it across the room. He drew her near and kissed her on the side of the face, and as he did, she closed her eyes and tears trickled down her face. One day.

Bad habits

About the author

Suzann Pedersen

lover of books, writing, traveling, food, animals, and my teenage daughter- not necessarily in that order.

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