Nubian’s Open Letter Session

Not sure how I can possibly start off the letter without numbing the pain of what has came to be the demise of yet another broken heart once again. I think back to how everything was from the very beginning, meeting at the smoke filled emporium; nothing but sins on end but we pushed past them to make our separate ends meet. I was in the change of careers and putting the pieces of my once restricted life together as much as I could to embrace what was beyond what I was caged from— a life of my own.

To think all it took was a smile and a small conversation to transform in nights and days of dates and more steps closer to what could be. Yes, you were older and I put no definitive guard up because let’s be honest, I find men older to be more mature and attractive. It was hard to find a MAN my age to understand that my wants and needs go past a one night stand. You understood or more so plotted against it.

I was blin once again to the sheer compliments and acknowledgments of what I desired to truly be loved; to truly be wanted and desired finally by a man who would fight, protect, comfort, and authentically love me. But even humans can be wolves in sheeps clothing. For a few months it was bliss in many forms. I was able to gain more knowledge and even opened doors thanks to your voice in my corner leading to take a chance.

Now as I write as an educator and bring my passion slowly back to life I now see that this life is meant to make me happy amongst other things. I was also blessed to become a fur mother to a beautiful cavy who is just as charismatic in her own way. But to where my blessings came, so did the flags. I knew your sins were brought from the past, but the one you held on to the most is what set us apart for good. Yes, to say that alcohol would be the main poison in our relationship is what made it dangerous, yet I knew I had the strength to leave when it was necessary.

I stayed up hoping nobody would call me with grim news or worse. Even so, you were making your dark cloud grow immensely. I left for protection the first two times and now I left knowing I was not loved, cherished, and protected by someone I thought loved me.

You did the utmost disgusting thing to show you were willing to lose everything that was given to you with the support of a Queen. I should be hurtful within every word I write in this letter, but I write everything as a release from you and moving my light away from what once was your dark omens. I knew my life would be altered from here on out but now I search for a new form of normal beyond what is going on world wide. I now see that I am to be fruitful in the blessings that will guide my true King to me and devils like you away from me. My creator even said within the verses that still strengthen me to each day I heal and progress

Romans 8:31 If God is for us, then who can ever be against us?

My life now has changed to a point where I noticed a lot thanks to the lessons you have given to me now.

1. I can’t trust those who don’t know my worth and what I deserve.
2. I have full control of finding full happiness in my life.
3. My heart needs time to heal in order to be prepared for my future partner whoever that may be.
4. I take the time to open myself to more possibilities that will make me stronger.

I do have some guilt to which I should have acted sooner to leave before you chose to hurt me. It took one conversation with a friend to which I am grateful to call a confidant to know that I must accept happiness 100% not for it to be third party or on the outside.

I'll close off by saying that yes, I did love you, but I have to be with someone that is godsent. Not someone whose life is still built from the traumas of their past. I should know because I had to learn to let my past be my past not my present or future.

Sincerely,

Nubian Queen