Not a Typical Confession

A confession to my Mother, after I traveled back in time and met her as a little girl....

This past mother’s day had me reflecting and reminiscing on my childhood, and memories of being a mom. I was thinking of the good and bad times, even the bold and least desired ones.

I often found myself deep in thought like this, calling these moments my “reminiscing sessions.”

My reflections were about how as children, all we need is at least one person to hold our hand through the obstacles of life, just one person to be there to encourage us, and guide and connect us with the ancient ancestral wisdom that is laying dormant in our young earthling souls, waiting to be re-awakened by our guardians in this realm.

We have already made contracts to follow entrance laws of this planet, prior to entering Earth’s portal, the womb of a woman. The laws state that our souls' memories be hidden, and access to any of our souls' journeys of the past are blocked since we come to earth on a mission of evolution of the soul, and it is for our highest good to leave them behind temporarily.

But, what if the warriors who borned us, and who were in charge of our re-awakening, didn't even have that one person to hold their hand, and help them connect back with their souls true inner wisdom, to guide them, protect them, love them, help them feel worthy of happiness and safety?

What if our elders had been beaten down and battered for generations and generations, left lost and unable to find their way, who then would pave the way for future generations?

Today, I know that my soul's mission in this timeline is to heal myself, so that I can heal my ancestral lineage. On this Mothers day, May 2022, my spirit guides have requested for me to go on a journey back in time, to give each mother down the ancestral line, exactly what she needed to succeed.

After witnessing the battles that my birth mother was left to face alone due to generational trauma, I wanted to heal our ancestors for her, as far back as I could.

You see, in an ideal world, our birth mothers are healed and present, to nurture us, love us, and provide a safe space for their child's soul to grow and evolve as it should. But, how can she successfully fulfill her motherly duties, if she is lost, unhealed, or damaged, left emotionally unavailable with no one to save her.

In reality, pain is our power and by rising above the pain we can step right back into our power. When I first became a mother myself, my guides said to me, “remember who walks behind you, and know that even in the dark, we will always show you the light. Heal yourself child, stay humble amongst your chaos, and you will heal your ancestors and release the karma that has been brought forward for the future generations. Then you will walk into a new beautiful chapter in your life, free and powerful. Free of the pain, and full of the power!”

My mother wasn’t always around to raise me, and I knew quite well the negative effects it can have on daughters and children without a mother present in their lives. I was also able to step outside of the mother/daughter relationship and see the bigger picture, to hold space for and show her the grace and compassion she needed, given the childhood she experienced. I knew that she was doing the best that she could, with the knowledge and tools that she had been given.

I also knew that I wanted something different for my future generations, a life filled with love, peace, laughter and safety, with a healthy, healed mother to guide them through their life. So I listened to my guides, and I started to put my own healing at the top of my to do list.

Although I was carrying the heaviness of all of my mothers, and her mothers and her mothers weight on my shoulders, I carried it strongly and with grace. My Angel guardians told me that I was sent here to this timeline, born into this lineage to free my family from their karma. In return, we would then feel the freedom and peace down the line of our future healed healers.

To all the daughters, of the daughters, of the daughters of the warriors that they first beat down, I wanted to return back to you the guidance and love that you deserved, the person you needed to hold your hand through the darkness and show you the way.

As an intuitive healer, who uses the Akashic records as a healing tool, the records that are stored deep within our consciousness like a library of our souls timeline, I decided to go back as far as I could into the records, down the timeline of the past to complete my mission.

I started with a deep meditation, and then I connected with my spirit guides, healers and ancestors to help guide me and show me the way through the past.

As I began to relax and enter into the timeline, I started with my mother. I met her as a 6 year old little girl, before her life would soon be starting over in foster homes. She was a little shy at first, anxious about opening up to a conversation with what seemed to be a strange lady standing next to her.

I knelt down beside her with 3 feathers in my hand. I reached my hand out to show her them up closer. This sparked her attention and she approached me, and sat down beside me. She had wavy dark hair, and big green beautiful eyes. She looked so sweet and kind, quiet, and full of innocence.

“What are those?” she asked. I let her hold one while I explained to her that these were angel feathers, and they are very special. Whenever you hold them they remind you that angels are close by and you don't need to be afraid of anything because they are protecting you. The short one will help you remember happy memories. The tall one will help you feel loved. The fluffy wide one will help you talk to your guardian angels whenever you need someone to talk to.

Her face lit up with amazement as I explained to her that the feathers were hers to keep forever and ever. I watched her examine them for a moment and then she asked me to play with her for a little while. She mentioned that the grown ups around her don't like to play outside but she wanted someone to play with her in the swing.

She held my hand and led me outside to a nearby swing set. I pushed her in the swing and with each push, I infused all of the loving energy that I could into her body to integrate into her heart and soul with the intention to last her life time.

Then, we had a picnic on the grass, and I gave her a really big carrot muffin. I told her that this is a magical carrot muffin, it has enough nutrients in it to last her 10 years. Whenever she is hungry, all she needs to do is think of this carrot muffin and it will fill up her tummy. She was so happy and thankful, I will never forget the smile on her face as we laughed and ate that muffin.

I knew that she would soon be moving around a lot from place to place, so I took the feathers and I attached them to her wavy brown locks of hair and they infused and intertwined with the strands, as if it was a part of her hair and I told her that now they will be with you forever.

"Whenever you need them, just twirl your hair and you will find them again and again," I reassured her. We embraced in the biggest hug and she held on so tight, like she needed to remember this hug for eternity, and so I gave the intention that her heart will remember it for eternity.

And then I left that place in time, and I went back in the timeline even further to meet her mother. When I arrived in this place, her mother was 7. She was hiding under a bed, and I just laid beside her under that bed. “Hi” she whispered, “are you the guardian angel that I asked for?” and I smiled and told her, “yes, I am here to help you. How can I help?

I could tell by her heart frequency that she was afraid and hiding away from something or someone. And just like that wings appeared on my shoulders and I created a little tent inside of my wings and I explained to her that this is a safe place to hide, and when you are inside of this tent, you are protected and you feel only love and happiness here.

I then gave her three of the feathers from my wings and after I intertwined them into her hair I explained that any time she needs to come to this safe place that we created, she just has to twirl her hair and she can come here to talk to her guardian angel.

I then felt her heart frequency change and she felt loved and safe, and she gave me a hug and a smile before I left this timeline to go back even further in the timeline.

When I arrived at the next timeline, I met her mother, my great grandmother. She was 16 years old. I saw her standing there, looking very lost and sad, not sure of who she was and what would become of her life in the future.

I sat beside her, and she asked, “are you my fairy godmother,” and she commented on how beautiful my wings were. I instructed her to hop up onto my wings, we would go on a journey, I was called to take her to the future, and show her some guidance that she was longing for.

I brought her to the future to visit me in my current timeline, I showed her what I do to help people heal and understand themselves and their generational wounds. I showed her all of the work that I have been doing in schools to help kids feel safe, and loved and build confidence. And she was quite impressed. She had never known such happy homes, schools and mindset existed.

I showed her the generational trauma that I had healed in myself, and I showed her that the cycles can be broken. Then I made a promise to her that I would help lead her on the right path.

I took 4 feathers from my angel wings, and I integrated them into her crown chakra and gave her the knowledge and mindset skills to build confidence, and to be kind and passionate to herself while she was still wounded and healing.

“Our inner critic is so mean sometimes,” I explained to her, “it’s because we often don't have people in our lives teaching us to love every part of ourselves as we are.” I taught her how to start loving all of the parts of herself that people taught her to hate. I instructed her to look in the mirror and say all of the things that she needed to hear, remind yourself that you are loved, you are divinely guided by your spirit guides and ancestors and guardian angels.

Then I taught her the importance of and how to value herself, how to release any beliefs that may be holding her back from living an emotionally fulfilling life. Then I promised her that I would come back again to help her.

I left that timeline to travel back even further to meet her mother and she was just a little baby, maybe 7 months old. She was laying in a wooden cradle, wearing a bonnet and a little white cotton dress. She was asleep, and her little hands and arms were rising up and making big stretches. I put my hand next to her little face and rubbed my finger gently across her forehead. She opened her eyes.

She had long dark eyelashes, and wavy curls under her bonnet. She smiled at me and reached her tiny hand up to touch my wings. I lowered them so that she could reach.

She plucked out 3 feathers, and they fell softly down into her hair and integrated into the wavy strands. I set the intention that the locks of feathered hair would be with her always, to guide and protect her and to help connect her with her guardian angels at any time she needs to in this lifetime.

I rubbed her cheek to instill a memory in her mind before I spread my wings out once more to create a dome like tent around us. I showed her that whenever she needs to be in a safe space, she can come in here by just twirling her hair and she would always have guidance.

Then I left this timeline and I traveled back even further and further. I did this exact same thing 9 more generations back to each of my grandmothers at 7 months old and I set the intention that this guidance and healing extended out onto all of their sisters and their daughters, and their sisters and their daughters for infinity.

After that was completed, I came back to my current timeline and lit some herbs and a candle to connect with my spirit healer, the Greek goddess Demeter whom my son Demetrio is named after. She congratulated me on my successful mission and advised me to collect and use wild rose petals in a bath to help my body gain back the strength that I used up while doing such deep healing on my ancestors. She said it would be quite exhausting for my human body here on earth in the 3D after deep time travel as well.

Demeter advised that since rose petals have anti-inflammatory healing effects, I should use them to release everything that I had absorbed and endured in my timeline travel. The rose petals would take the exhaustion out of my body and stream it into the water and then down the drain to connect back into the earth with Gaia. So I went for a walk in my garden and found some wild roses.

Then my spirit healer Artemis, the Greek Moon goddess advised me to also collect some new leaves to add to my bath to help promote new growth and abundance that I was calling into my life as a reward for the deep healing that I just experienced and shared with my ancestors.

Artemis also advised me to collect some cherry blossoms from the tree in my yard to add to my bath. “These flowers have been used since ancient times to keep your skin looking young and fresh and it will help your skin glow and look radiant all summer long,” she said.

After I collected the things that my guides requested, my paternal grandmother Pearl’s spirit came and guided me to connect to the spirit of all of the plants as I placed them into my bath water, and thanked them for their help.

I went inside to fill up the bathtub and lit some candles. I then added all of the ingredients into my bath water. I took my long wavy, elegantly graying hair and put it up into a bun on the top of my head as I looked at my reflection in the wicker mirror hanging on the bathroom wall. I had my grandmother Pearl’s ears, her eyes, and her long dark wavy hair. It was as if she was looking at me in the mirror and we smiled at each other.

Then I laid down in the bath. It felt so energizing and it smelled lovely. Artemis instructed me to take 12 wild roses and lodge them into the water one by one with the intention to heal each of my ancestors in the 12 generations.

Suddenly I felt the bath's healing water amplify even more and my body felt relaxed, renewed and restored, loved, and healed more than it had ever felt in my 34 years in this timeline.

As I laid there, suddenly I felt more grateful than ever for my mother, for without her, I wouldn't be here on earth. I thought to myself, I am a survivor, of a survivor of a survivor. And the chain continues down the ancestral lineage of a group of women whose struggles, hardships and resiliency have created me into the warrior that I am right now. Without them, there would be no me.

Although I haven't talked to my mom in a while, I did do this to honor her on Mother's Day, for her resiliency. I guess if I could tell her anything today, this is what I would confess.... that without her, I wouldn't have had the strength to stop the cycle.

Thank You Mama