My worst Mistake

I didn’t mean to do it. I was angry. I don’t know what else to say to make it better. Or even less scummy.

She was beautiful, someone I could have dreams about. Instead of working in sales, she would’ve been an amazing model. But if she’d done that, I wouldn’t have had a chance.

When she first transferred to our office, of course I noticed her. Everyone did. But when I was assigned as her superior on her first project, the kind smile she gave me worked better than that morning’s coffee.

We became fairly close as we worked on our assignment. So friendly, that we’d memorized the other’s coffee order. How such a sweet woman could drink her coffee so black and bitter, I may never understand.

Despite this, I began to fall for her. As soon as I realized it, I let her know. A few weeks after we’d completed our project together, we sat eating lunch together, and I did it. I even timed it perfectly. She had finished chewing the bite of her sandwich and was reaching for her drink, so I decided that was the time to spit it out.

“I think you’re great, so would you like to go out to dinner with me?” I really said it like that. It makes me want to curl up just thinking about it.

Then she said “Dinner… Like a date?” Then she and I went back and forth for a bit, but she said yes. I was ready to skip home after that.

We went out a few times- maybe 3. Dinner, a show, and dinner again. My workload had gotten pretty intense, so they were kinda spaced out. But whenever I couldn’t take her out like I wanted to, I’d pay for her lunch, buy her flowers, maybe chocolates. We still got along well, but work drove a wedge between us and I almost never saw her after a while.

A few months after our 3rd date, a colleague told me that she’d started dating a colleague who worked closer to her.

They’d taken on a few clients together by this point, and ended up working in the same sect of the office. Apparently, they had a lot more in common than she and I did.

When I bumped into her again, she greeted me with an awkward smile, and a ‘How have you been?’ I wanted to ask her so many things, and tell her so many things, but all I had the courage and energy to say was a weak ‘Good. How ‘bout you?’

As you can probably imagine, the conversation didn't last very long, and I went home that day to a few whisky-spiked beers.

As soon as the next opportunity to travel for work popped up, I took it. A 5-person team on a 3-month trip to Dubai. A change of scenery was bound to make me feel better, right?

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I was so angry, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was drinking whenever I found the chance, and I was a jerk to everyone, deserving or not.

My lowest point, as I’ll forever admit, was when I slept with a teammate- A married woman by the name of… I actually don’t remember her name anymore, just the night. We both had a little to drink, we’d been shamelessly flirting for a few hours, and proceeded to have an amazing night.

Word got around seemingly by the next day, and all hell broke loose. Her husband was apparently a colleague of ours, he just hadn’t been on the trip with us. When we returned to the office, her husband wanted to fight me, causing a fiasco in the office and I almost got fired, instead being suspended without pay.

That woman I went on a few dates with? She was about to marry the guy she was dating. They apparently just knew that it was the right move.

All I could do was avoid her questioning gaze when I walked past her on my way out.

I haven’t seen her since. I chose not to. I was given the opportunity to transfer and took it without hesitation. I didn’t realize it until later, but that was the last time I saw things in color.