My Story

This is my story. I will start by telling you that my story is not that pretty and it is harsh. It starts with me deciding that I wanted to be friends with my ex, with the hopes of winning him back. He called me one day over the summer just before freshman year, he asked if I was down to hang out and maybe do more. I said yes, which I later regretted. So we met at an abandoned house and talked for a while, then we started to kiss and remove clothing. He had me pinned to the floor and asked if I was ready I wanted to say no, I wanted to shake my head push him off me but I froze and he took that as a yes. Even when I put my hands on his chest trying to stop him he kept going, he finished and left me there. I got dressed and was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone so I kept my mouth shut. For years I kept that secret, I started having nightmares and was constantly afraid. I hated being touched and felt scared every time someone was interested in dating me. I felt like it was going to happen again. I finally let someone else in my life and I wanted to please him so I gave him whatever he wanted even if I didn’t want it. This includes sexual stuff, I started letting stuff happen to me without saying a word. Still having nightmares of my ex I just pushed it down and allowed this guy to continue using me. I finally had enough after 3 years of his bull, we broke up but I still allowed all of my ex’s use me. The guy after him was a single father. We dated for a little bit before he got me drunk down by the river and took advantage of me. I finally called it off when he tried to put me in the middle of his baby momma drama. After him I again let guys use me for whatever they wanted, I allowed myself to be used for sex again. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of yet again. I have spent so much time and energy allowing this to consume me. I am now living my life no longer allowing guys to take what they want. I lost so much just cause I let myself think I had no self-worth, I let myself think I was worthless, I let myself think that no one would ever love me. I know now that you have to love yourself before you can allow anyone to love you. I do not take anyone bull anymore, I do not allow anyone to take advantage of me anymore. I have spent many years letting that happen and I no longer will deal with that bull. I am a woman, we are powerful. I have learned to love myself, I know my worth. I know what I want in life and I know I am done playing games with these boys and allowing them to take what they want. This story may make many people think less of me but I honestly stopped caring what people think and what they want. I tell this story because I want to get it off my chest and want to let others who have gone through or are going through a similar situation. I want to let them know that it is ok and that they are not alone.