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My grandpa is getting remarried

to a someone he has never met.

By Typheus WolfPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
I'm not an artist ok?

My grandfather is getting remarried- to a woman he has never met in person.

So it was back in october of 2019, when my grandmother passed away, and my job wrote me up for taking the time off to spend time with her before we took her off life support. But that's another story.

Soon after about a year later, my grandfather's brother, Ricky ( I can't say his real name because he's a criminal who left the states decades ago.) also passed away. At least I think it was after, I'm not quite sure when he passed. Anyways, his Filipino wife, who lives in the Philippines began to skype, my grandpa. I don't know if it was loneliness or just being old, but they developed a “relationship”. To keep anonymity, my grandfather's name will be Jimmy, and his sloppy seconds, I shall call Lina.

So yeah, they have a romantic relationship, over skype. To put things in perspective about how different these two people are, well honestly, their ages are 75, and 34. Of course, Jimmy is 75, just making sure that's clear. Now Jimmy has had his kids, and one of those kids had me. I am in my 20s, so this shit is weird.

But let's go further, let's really get down with the devil and his details. My grandpa Jimmy, has never left the states. The most cultural experience he had was when he and grandma went to Hawaii for their anniversary. The hula dancers were not even Hawaiian, that is a huge misconception, most of those people that live in Hawaii, are polynesian. So the Hawaiian experience wasn't even Hawaiian.

Now my dad, who I'm going to call Leeroy, spent most of his life working in southeast Asia. He now works for a nonprofit that helps individuals in the long beach community who have a plethora of issues, again another story, another time. He is completely convinced that this is a ploy. That this is a performance being put on by Lina, to get in a green card marriage, and come to the states to stay in Jimmys home, because he knows people who have run these scams.(My older brother, has fallen victim to the same thing.)

Now normally, when it's just two people in love, it's usually not a green card marriage. But what makes it suspicious, is that Lina has four kids. One is a teenager, two are younger, and one that has disabilities. So it makes it really hard to trust her, and the logistics themselves are impossible.

Now what I haven't mentioned is that my aunt Carol, who lives with grandpa Jimmy, has cerebral palsy. To those who don't know, it means she has a disability. Without a simple and predictable routine, and the stress of other people in the house (especially kids) it would mean a very dangerous environment. Not only for her, but Linas' kids as well.

Also, because of how things might play out if Lina wants to take advantage, squatters' rights might play in her favor, and she can take the house and leave my aunt homeless. Same thing if Jimmy passes away, if Lina felt like it, she could simply take the house. Me and my father live in a whole other state, so if anything were to happen, we would react too late. So essentially what I'm saying is, it's not an option.

Thankfully my father and grandpa Jimmy have sorted it out legally, which means even if Lina came and tried to take the house at some point, it would be protected.

Was that going to stop my grandpa Jimmy from chasing poon? Oh no. not one bit. That dude is like a high quality leather saddle. Used and abused, but stiff and stubborn for as long as John Wayne was racist. (Side note, Jimmy rides that guy so hard. Owns every one of his movies, and watches them everyday. I fucking love my grandpa.)

So now grandpa Jimmy has awakened his inner dildo baggins, and will sail across the ocean blue like it's still 1972, and Christopher Columbus thought he was special, what he did to the indians. Fortunately or unfortunately, I believe he plans to do some nasty things to that poor 34 year old Filipino mother. I send my condolences, children of Lina, my grandfather is coming for that milfing slam piece. As soon as he departs and does the dirty deed, I will officially be a grandson of a 75 year old mother lover.

To further the filth that is collecting around this story, Lina's father still lives with her. Sadly I know more than enough what it's like to deflower someone's daughter, and have them know it. The look they have in their eyes, like a fire going out, smoldering into a quiet, cool, dullness glazing over. The state of shock that washes over them. The realization that my “tool”got hooked in her “belt”. Or in terms her veteran father understood, what happened when his team got pinned down by hostiles, and left with no support, having to fight them off for twelve hours in the middle of Iraq. My grandpa would have called it “Fuubar”.

Oops, sorry I got distracted. I still feel bad about it.

Anyways yeah, my grandpa Jimmy is flying to the Philippines to meet his new girlfriend. That is where the story is at so far. We don't know when, we don't know who is going to take care of my aunt Carol while he's away, we have no idea.

What we do know, is what everyone got for Christmas. My dad is getting his mom replaced. My grandpa is getting a new girlfriend. I got unmatched by twenty girls on tinder in a row. My best friend nutted in his coworker and yeah, it's been a busy Christmas.

Have a happy new year everyone.


About the Creator

Typheus Wolf

Aspiring author.

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