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My First Love, I Do Not Regret Us.

by Katlyn Oliver 3 months ago in Teenage years

A distant memory.

My First Love, I Do Not Regret Us.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I think you know who you are, at least you should know who you are, but I know you never had the emotions for me that I had for you, so maybe I am just a distant memory. Where do I begin? The history we share(d) together, excuse me, the 5 years of history we made together was something I will never forget, even though some days life would be easier if I could forget it. Honestly, I wanted to spend my life with you, I would have given anything to spend life with you. In fact, I did everything I could do to make you the happiest person in the world because I was born to love and you know how much love I had for you. I found out that it was not possible to please you, not that you are or were ever a mean person, I know deep inside of you, you feel things and you have a heart. But some people just do not like to show that side of them, and you, I am not sure if you will ever show or tell what you really feel or say what you really think. That makes me sad for you, not being able to express your emotions in the world we live in must be awful, life was made for people to feel things, inside and outside of us. What kind of world would it be if we did not have the capability of feeling? To me, it would be a sad, lonely, unhealthy place. But, back to our story. I met you when I was in 9th grade and you were in 10th grade, crazy right? That we spent basically our whole high school careers together, facing every moment of teenage life together. When I first met you, you were a different person, or maybe I was just too blind to see who you truly were, I am still unsure of that. Again, I am not trying to say you were a bad person or are a bad person, but you were definitely not the person for me. It is just a shame that it took me 5 years to figure that out. You knew who I was inside and out, you knew everything about me, you were my best friend. I believe that is the reason it was always hard for me to let you go, you never judged me for who I was, or what all I have been through, you listened to me, never responded much but I could live with that. I had a best friend sitting in front of me and i mistook that for love, yes I did love you. I still do, and I probably will for the rest of my life. But, the love I have for you is different than it was when I first met you. Life with you was good, fun, happy, until you did not appreciate all the love I had given you. I did not give up on us, you and I both know I am not the type of person to give up on anything. I simply let you go, because I deserved better and you deserved time to think. The hardest thing I ever did in my life was let you go. I will never forget that day and all the pain I felt. I think you know, but you were the first boyfriend I ever broke up with. Clearly, I am not good at hurting people, and I do get attached to people, so usually they get rid of me first. I always wondered why you never got rid of me like everyone else, maybe that is another reason I stayed, even when we did argue or I over thought about something you never actually walked away from me, you may have said you would but you never did. I liked that. Even when things got hard or I got complicated you never actually left me, everyone else would have. I can not lie, I still think about you, I hear that one song, I drive by that one place, I have that one dream with you in it, sometimes you appear and I try to accept it. As I said, I do not regret us, I never will regret us, we will always be in my memory. And sometimes I wonder if you think about us too, I do not know how you could not think about us, 5 years is a dedication that we both somehow got through, together at such a young age. I hope you learned just as much as I did from the relationship we shared together. I know you enough to know that somewhere deep inside you are still hurting and thinking about what we were. Yes, I hope you miss me, I hope your family tells you that you should have tried harder because honestly you should have, I hope you see me in the future with someone that gives and shows me the love that you never could give or show me. And of course, I hope you find your happiness too. I do know that you are a good person, and there may have been things hurting you that maybe you just could not admit them, and that is okay, but I hope you are strong enough to tell someone one day. I hope you are strong enough to love someone the way I loved you, because I promise you it will bring you much happiness. Love is beautiful and I have always tried to help you realize that.

Thank you, for giving me 5 years of your life, and for allowing me to love you like I did.

Teenage years

Katlyn Oliver

Hello, I'm Katlyn!

You will find me here because I am super passionate about writing and I love to share my personal stories/experiences. I am currently in the process of earning my MSW at Pitt University, with hopes of being a counselor!

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Read next: Dating Sucks.

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