Music awakens memories

Have you ever experienced that a song is connected to a specific moment in your life and every time you listen to it later on, memories pop up in your head?

Sometimes the connection between the song and the memories are so strong, you can even feel exactly how you felt back then. Sometimes a song calls up a memory that makes us smile every time we think about it. Sometimes a song is connected with awful experiences and feelings which forces you to relive the sadness, anger or disappointment you experienced in those moments.

I have plenty of those moment-song-connections, as I love music and listen to it whenever I have the opportunity. However, now I want to tell you about the three songs that I connect to a person that became highly valuable in the year 2021.

1. Grenade - Bruno Mars
2. Shadow of the day - Linkin Park
3. Wrecked - Imagine Dragons

How it all started…

After the break up with my long term relationship (after 6 years as a couple), it took me a while to take a step into the whole dating world. Unfortunately, by the time I felt ready to meet someone new (April 2021), we just were in another Covid lockdown. Nowhere to go and to “accidentally” run into someone interesting. All bars, restaurants and indoor activities were closed. I also was not interested in all the different dating apps, as I knew that my ex is on all those platforms (yes, he told me about that shortly after our relationship was over) and I definitely did not want to meet him there.

So there was this one evening, where I was at my best friend’s apartment. We emptied a bottle of wine together and had some philosophical discussions about all the world and his wife. At some point, her boyfriend joined us while we were in the middle of the process of analysing my dating problem. During this discussion, I mentioned that I’ve recently heard in my favorite podcast (gusch baby), that it is more likely to find a potential partner if he/she is a friend of your friend. As you enjoy spending time with your friends and they enjoy spending time with their friends, the likelihood that you enjoy spending time with them as well is quite high. I was more joking when I told them that I should probably check out all my friend’s friends. But as my best friend always wants to help, she took out her phone right away, scrolled through all her contacts to see if she finds someone, who could arouse my interest. However, every man she knew that was single, she was sure that he would not be a good partner for me. A bit disappointed to not have found any potential candidate, she made her boyfriend have a look at his contacts. And lo and behold: they found one. Let’s name him here Martin. I am usually a quite shy person when it comes to talking to strangers, but the fact that I had some alcohol in my blood was rather helpful to not overthink everything. I sent Martin a text message.

Sometime between telling them about the podcast I’ve listened to and waiting for Martin to reply, the song from Bruno Mars played in the background. Why do I remember this, even though it was almost a year ago? Don’t ask me. I just remember every time I hear the song nowadays, how I felt while waiting for his answer. I was excited and nervous at the same time.

Everything a little unexpected…

Martin only answered after we went to bed. That’s why the next morning, when sobered out, I felt totally embarrassed about having texted him. Why? Because my message did not include any information why I texted, the only thing I wrote was that my best friend and her boyfriend gave me his number and that they told me I should text him. That was it. Obviously, he was totally confused. As my reserved self was back when I read his answer, I first considered not to answer anymore. Furthermore, I was also not sure if he would be okay that his friend just passed his number to a stranger (I am well aware of the fact that this might not have been the smartest move I have ever done, but today I don’t regret it at all). But first of all, this would be really immature and rude and secondly, my new year’s resolution for the last few years was (and still is) to overcome my shyness and this was a perfect occasion to get out of my comfort zone. That’s the reason why I explained the situation to him: no chance to get to know new people in the situation at that time and that his friend gave me his number. Luckily he was fine with me having his number and he also said it’s actually a great idea to meet new people that way. Since that day, there was barely a day we have not been communicating. At some point we started to meet each other and as we both enjoyed playing squash, we met on a weekly basis for a training session. We became friends. Really good friends.

You might wonder why friends and not ended up in a serious relationship? Long story short, our life had other plans as the circumstances and our future plans were not to merge (at least so far).

But coming back to the songs. During the summer 2021, we were both blessed with a lot of free time. Thus, we spend a lot of great quality time together, where the song Shadow of the day comes into play. It was a late evening after a warm and sunny day. I was at a friend's house for a BBQ, while he was at a house party. Because I got invited spontaneously to the meat grilling event, for once I took my parent’s car to get there. It was a cozy get-together with a very small group of my closest friends, which broke up quite early. On my way home, Martin called me from the shared-flat where the party took place and tried to ask if I wanted to come over as well. Yes, you read correctly. He tried. He has drunk such a massive amount of beer that he did not manage to formulate a proper sentence. Hence I ended up talking to his friend and confirmed that I will shortly show up and may pick him up as well. To my surprise, the party was already over when I finally arrived. I picked my friend up and drove him to my house as I did not exactly know where he lived.

As soon as we left the car, he asked me to dance. He did not wait for an answer, just turned the music on and forced me to dance on my parent’s carport. At the beginning I felt completely uncomfortable and I could barely move. I never had an issue to just be myself when I was spending time with him, until that moment. Fortunately, he made it quite easy for me with his relaxed manner. It took me two songs to put on my dancing feet, however, when I finally let myself go when the third song started to play, I was filled with pure happiness. The third song playing was ‘Shadow of the day’ from Linkin Park. It did not need more than a good, but drunk friend wishing to dance, a great song and a little bit of rain to make an unforgettable memory.

Was it like a scene described in a romance book? Of course it was! Did it end like every romantic movie does? Yes of course. I got a kiss. Yeah okay, it might have been more than one.

This absolut cheesy moment made my summer.

Saying goodbye is always hard…

If you would have seen us together after that particular evening, you would have assumed we were a couple. We were holding hands while walking along the streets, sitting close to each other on a lawn at a lake, laughing and kissing all the time and sleeping in the train, my head lying on his shoulder while he was caressing my thigh. Nevertheless, we never called each other boyfriend or girlfriend and we never considered being in a serious relationship.

Some friends told me that this is a toxic behavior and with a big likelihood we will regret it at some point. But the thing is, we knew I will leave the country after that summer for a while and we both agreed that a long distance relationship is not an option. We simply lived in the present and enjoyed the remaining time we had together. Isn’t that also a good way to be?

But everything has its end. As after every low comes a high, a high is followed by a low. That is just how life is going. By the end of August, my time had arrived and I left the country for an internship. Why did I not change my plan and stay? Because working abroad for a while has been a dream since I was in my teenage years. I don’t want to give up on that dream, just because of one person. I know myself and in a couple of years, I would hold him responsible for my decision not to go and gain my experience. This would end in a toxic relationship.

As soon as I arrived at the new place, I missed him a lot. However, my life was going on and I found a good friend. On one evening (about 3 weeks after I moved), we were sitting in the living room, chatting when I suddenly got a message from him which made me laugh. Unfortunately this laughter turned fast into a melancholic mood and I told her the whole story. After we discussed my feelings (I was no smarter than before, but talking about it helped) we started listening to music and gave each other the space to follow our own thoughts. That’s when I first heard the song ‘wrecked’. It just represented my depressed mood and the uncertainty if I made the right choice to leave him.

Now, several months later, do I regret anything? Not at all! I had an amazing summer with a person that is even more amazing and we are still in contact on a daily basis. I appreciate every single moment we had experienced together that strengthened our friendship (Yes, friendship.He now has a girlfriend and I am truly happy for him!) and take any meaningful life lesson I learned from it. I firmly believe that fate has sent me a loyal, reliable and lovable friend!