Mothers Day 2022

Are mothers perfect? Mine was not. I was not and my daughter is not. I knew my one grandmother for just a short time and I have heard stories and to some, she appeared perfect. I know that just wasn’t true as no one is perfect. Not mothers and not fathers.

It has been my experience that most people that do not have children have all of the answers to childrearing. Then they later find out if they have children that what they advised others wasn’t always the right answer. My daughter said her brother told her to tie her child to a tree.

That was the child that wished his uncle was his father. That uncle has a daughter now and he is a good parent. And thankfully, I will never see him tying her to a tree. His sister didn’t tie her son to a tree, but I’m sure she felt like it often as he was quite the handful at times.

That is the other thing I heard from my grandfather that lived with us. Grandpa would tell my mother in front of us, “My children were never as bad as yours.” He was referring to me and my siblings when he said that. Sometimes aging has us forgetting.

Then there is wondering how much he parented. It used to be different when my mother was growing up.

Her parents talked about them in Ojibwe, when they didn’t want them to know what they were talking about. Parenting was considered woman's work. In the culture, everyone was responsible for parenting and discipline. There were other differences as well.

I was the oldest sibling of six. As a teenager, I felt I had already had children. One brother is 10 years younger, one five years younger, a sister three years younger, and a brother 18 months younger. One brother was born just two years before I had my first child.

My father died when I was ten years old and my youngest brother, at the time was only five months. My mother was grieving. That makes a difference when parenting. Being a single parent is tough.

My mother and I did not get along when I was in my teens. I started using alcohol and drugs at a young age. I was not always helpful and may have led my siblings astray, so my mother agreed that I could live with a friend and her parents for a while, and while there I met my husband. We were married when I was 17.

When I was an adult, I believed my mom to be the very best. She would help me with my children, help me clean my house and she even came to my office and helped with that. She helped put new screens on my windows and helped me reupholster my kitchen chairs.

I believed between my mom and my sister they could do anything. That is why we celebrate mothers day. We learn as adults just how valuable they can be, despite what happened in childhood. My younger brother said he got hit with the glamour stretcher. I don’t remember being hit. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t.

I do remember when that brother was teasing my children. I got him down on the ground and was pounding on him and he was laughing as my pounding wasn’t hurting his growing into a man self. That was the last time I hit him. I must have been in my mid 20’s, so he was probably 15/16.

Even though I am a woman in long-term recovery, my children don’t remember my drinking or taking drugs. They do have memories of their father and drunk/using relatives. Most of it was not a pretty picture. They have not had that for their children thankfully.

So, after all of that, who has the perfect mother? Who is the perfect mother?

My mother, me, and my daughter are as close as anyone else. We made mistakes and we hurt our children. We were not perfect. The most important part for me was that I never felt unloved by my mother, and I have always loved my children.

I learned it was my job just to keep them alive sometimes. Then it was that they would do things to break away and that was expected as my job was to teach them to take care of themselves and to be ready to let them go.

That is what I did as they were all ready to leave home when they graduated from high school and I was ready for them to leave.

My daughter has yours, mine, and ours family and she loves every one of them and it shows! There are eight altogether. I know it wasn't always easy. I had it easy and so did my mother compared to my daughter.

Happy mothers day to my mother, who died in 2009 from diabetes complications.

Happy Mothers Day to my daughter, my stepdaughters, and my daughters-in-law. To all my relatives and friends that are mothers, Happy Mothers Day!