Life as an Empath: Finding the "Right Thing" to Say

Being at a loss for words is not something that happens often to me. I'm a writer, I think fast on my feet and quite frankly, I'm a chatterbox. But for some reason, when it comes to choosing words of comfort, I very often freeze, more so in person. For someone as empathetic as I am, it generally surprises people when it happens since I'm usually a walking, talking lump of caring things to say. But when things are really, really severe? Nope, I struggle...hard.

And then....

I beat myself up.

"How could I let my friends and family down by not knowing the right thing to say??"

I can see them standing there, waiting for me to say something profound, expecting the sentiments I've managed to phrase eloquently so many times before for lesser situations or with words on a page. But try as I might, I simply stand there gaping. (Or my hands feel paralyzed over the keys and the comment I so appreciated receiving goes unanswered.)

I'm frozen.

Lately, it's gotten so bad, I've started to keep phrases in my mental back pocket (no, I'm not going to confess which) for such occasions. But nothing I say or write ever feels like I've done enough to alleviate the suffering because when someone is in pain or struggling, I feel it, too. And I always have. I'm an empath.

Allow me a brief tangent.

Life as an Empath

"There are many benefits of being an empath. On the bright side, empaths tend to be excellent friends. They are superb listeners. They consistently show up for friends in times of need. They are big-hearted and generous. Empaths also tend to be highly intuitive and emotionally intelligent.

However, some of the very qualities that make empaths such fantastic friends can be hard on the empaths themselves. Because empaths quite literally feel what their friends are going through, they can become overwhelmed by painful emotions, such as anxiety or anger." -Lena Firestone

When I interact with someone experiencing profound pain, it's like being dunked in ice water. It often affects me in my own life for days on end. Although I've gotten better about managing it as I've aged, I still have to be careful to remind myself to focus only on my own pain sometimes. And well, as many of you know, I have had some pain recently and I have some painful things coming up.

Now, I would never change being an empath. EVER. My empathy is a gift and a blessing and I try and use it like a superpower for everyone who needs it. I got short changed on some cards in my life, but being an empath is my strong suit. I am so grateful I exist the way I do and even more so that so many friends—and strangers—trust me with their inner struggles or personal issues. I like to think of my talent as some kind of cosmic dishwasher, cleaning up the negative energy on others' dishes for the greater good of us all. I also think it's what sets me apart as an interviewer and a friend.

Ultimately, I fall back on the fact that interacting with and uplifting other people brings me a great deal of joy, but everything is a balance in the universe. Up and down. Good and bad. I tried putting this into poetry recently...the results are debatable.

So back to my problem: finding things to say...

I'm sure some of you struggle with the right things to say, too; and I would guess that many of you are fellow empaths. With the chaos we experienced recently, while words originally poured from us, I know for me, lately they've run a bit dry.

So...

I'm starting a thing. From now on, when I can't figure out what to say, I'm just going to hug you and if I can't do that, I'm going to send emojis or something similar. I may follow up with an offering: food, a song, a story, some flowers etc. or the sentiments of sending love and warm thoughts. Simple as that. And I'm done beating myself up over not having something more complex to say. If the words come to me, perfect and if not, that's OK, too.

It's like my Well-Wishing thread in VSS: sometimes it's enough just to know you aren't invisible.

To be seen.

Dare I say maybe we don't need to say words?!

Everyone is welcome to put their name in the Vocal Social Society and be seen. I invite you to put your name down—or someone who needs it— and leave some emojis for others; let's collectively take the pressure off ourselves of trying to figure out the right things to say.

With that in mind, I'm putting a sad song I've been listening to this week below. For those that read this and listen to it, no, you don't need to find something to say to me. Leave me a heart, do something kind while thinking of me...just exist in my circle.

It's enough.

Much love,

Les

For the fellow winter lover.