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Lessons Learned

Things I didn't know until now

By Susana ShadowsPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Lessons Learned
Photo by Jemma Pollari on Unsplash

I didn't get it then, but I do now. Growing up, I didn't pay attention to all the lessons my mom taught me. They did not really hit me until she was gone.

It has been 18 years since Mom passed. Thinking back now, I can admit what an awful child I really was. I was a snotty, know-it-all teenager. I was too selfish at the time to realize just how sick my mom really was.

She became very ill at a young age and passed away at age 57. Looking back now, I can see just what an incredible woman she really was. She spent every day in pain, yet she never complained.

No matter how bad she felt she never let us kids know. She ran a business, raised six kids, cooked, cleaned, and never uttered a word of distress.

It took me years to realize that mom taught me to stand firm, never to quit because something was hard. She taught me that mothers love their children unconditionally, even when they are bratty teenagers.

That when times are tough, to reach down deep inside of yourself and just keep going. She taught me that goals were important. That dreams don't work unless you do.

Mom taught me patience and kindness. What it is like to truly love. What sacrifices must be made for the greater purpose. She taught me to live with dignity, have pride and respect for myself.

The thing is, when I think about it now, I am just not sure if Mom really knows just how much of who I am today is because of her. I never really told my mom how much of the grown-up version of me I credit to her.

By the time I figured out how all of this adult stuff really worked, Mom was very sick. My time with her was limited. I am pissed at myself because I didn't get the opportunity of adult me and her having the deep mother-daughter conversations we needed, I needed to have with her.

She is gone now, but I hope that she can look down and see the woman I have become, the mother I am, and just how much of herself really lives on in me.

I have taken a big lesson from my mom when it comes to my children. I make sure I have the conversations that need to be had. I want them to know just how much they mean to me. How much I love them.

I hope that when my time here on earth ends, I can go knowing that everything that needed to be said between myself and my children has been said. I do not want them going through their lives holding in feelings that things were left incomplete.

So Mom, thank you for everything you taught me. Thank you for being the kind of woman and mother that I can pattern my life by. But most of all please know I am sorry that I did not let you know just how much you mean to me, how much I learned from you and how deeply you are loved before you were gone.

Please know the lessons you taught me sunk in. Maybe later in life than either of us liked, but still sunk in. Know that I use every day the lessons you taught me, the strength I inherited from you, and have proudly passed them on to my children, your grandchildren, to carry on your strong woman legacy through decades to come. Thank you for not giving up on me.

I love you, mom.

Family
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About the Creator

Susana Shadows

A woman of the world who feels like she has already lived many lifetimes and adventures in just a handful of decades.

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  • Test5 months ago

    This is a beautiful and deeply moving tribute to your mother. It is clear that she was an amazing woman who had a profound impact on your life.

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