KICKBOXING MY WAY THROUGH LIFE

Did I just invest in myself 680 dollars for 35 kickboxing classes? You bet your ass I did. I have been disgustingly sick of going to the gym - I seriously hate working out solo. Classes are just 10 times more fun and motivating for me. I have always been motivated by money, and classes are no different in my eyes.

This year I have invested trips, language classes, gym memebrships, fitness classes like pole dancing, dance classes, HIIT workouts, and now kickboxing. I love investing in myself and my happiness- I love trying new classes and ways to spice up life and to keep active!

I seem to be lacking in every department- but at least I can feel good at the gym.

Sometimes I hate being a recruiter. I constantly have so much work to do and have trouble balancing all of it. I feel like there is a lot of overtime that needs to be put in to get you where you want to be. I'm not getting many starts it feels like and there a slight fear that they will let me go. I am not very organized anymore and it seems to show to be honest.

If I didn't need sleep, I would be the most productive person. Nightimes and early mornings were my favorite- until I made it a job to watch those kids. I hate that job but appreciate the extra income. The only reason I hate it is because I could be having more personal me time or catching up on work I should have prioritized.

I also just spent money to hopefully *fingers crossed* be able to live in Miami for a month. I ordered an airbnb and am waiting for her to approve my stay. It's for 1 month for roughly 1300. I earn 3500 after taxes each month roughly and that is without any bonuses.

I do need to do well in my job so I can actually earn more income. I do believe this job can make me lucrative in the future- but will I be able to maintain it? I haven't been able to maintain having a job for 1 year since CVS- and that wasn't even a full-time role. I really don't know how long I will have this and if they will fire me sometime this year. I have some trust issues with jobs after being fired previously and feeling mistreated in a pyramid scheme.

If they somehow do decide to fire me- I hope I decide to start something I've been delaying. Like just booking a trip to Korea for a month and hopping around Asia for another one. I would want to refocus on what I love and make content that I never had the time to make. I would want to make a gameplan for jumpstarting my airbnb business.

I'm actually okay with not moving with Sandy if things fall apart somehow. I will literally find roomates via facebook and make a gameplan. I want to go and buy a house in Austin and either decide to rent it out or Airbnb it. And build on that and buy 2-3 properties and eventually hire a cleaning sttaff to help maintain it. That is my goal for the end of 23 or when I turn 24. I will be a homeowner by age 24 if not by the end of my 23rd. ''

Booking that trip to Miami is a reminder to me that I am not trapped in any circumstances I feel like I am. I constantly make the decisions that affect where I will be and where I am. If I wanted to right at this very moment, I could book a trip to Asia and be there in a day. Would that be the smartest considering I still have debt? No. But it is comforting to know that I could if I really wanted to.

Being fired previously has always been a blessing in one way or another. I found the most growth every time that I was fired. I met wonderful people and grew in ways that I never knew was possible.

I want to take the time to tell God, I am super thankful for you. Thank you for keeping my life amazing by gifting wonderful people like Sandeep and Hanelee in my life who are down for a great time anytime. I appreciate you bringing yes people, supportive people, and loving family/support system into it everyday. Thank you for gifting me my best Sarah because she helps me in so many ways by just being in her presence. It's comforting to have friends like Sandy whose support is always around if needed and friends like Dom who keep me feeling loved and appreciated.

Thank you for giving me the strength this week to finally let go of Missouri, at least via social media. I needed to do it. It hurts and I miss his cuddles and presence- but there was a part of me that when I laid with him, I was always sad and feeling as if my love couldn't be explored because it wasn't safe to love him- because we didn't and couldn't have a future together. We want different things and as much as I love him- I can't force him to want to be a father or to have the fatherly qualities I want my kids to have. I think he could make a great husband- but I would also grow so bored of him. I could be in the most beautiful spot in the world- and somehow his ability to not show emotion for it in the way I think it should have would've annoyed me. And I would never have been able to see his passion and comedy for certain things as well- we simply did not have a lot in common. What tied us together was simply history, loyalty, trust, and comfort.

I hoped to eventually quit all of nannying jobs and start a new role maybe as a party planner or as a bartender. Something to pass the time and earn good tips while doing it.

The life lesson from this today is that you always have control over what you decide to do with your life- and take that to your advantage. Don't make excuses where you are the only one responsible for getting you to where you want to be- I am sick of hearing people blame others, when it is their own damn responsibility. That is my ted talk. If you want something, go for it.