I was told there would be Cake
A crisis was averted, police were called and no cakes were harmed in the making of this story. #EmbarrassingMomentsVocalChallenge
I guess you come to expect certain things of yourself and are astounded when things don't go the way you had planned it in your head. My first embarrassing story coincides with the time I watched my first horror movie.
I won't speak aloud the name of the movie right now but there was some mention of a dark, narrow well, a girl with long hair and a very crusty, grey face staring at people from a Television through her aforementioned long, straggly hair. You might think, oh Anna, don't all our faces look like that when we wake up and haven't had a chance to guzzle up a few gallons of coffee and slathered on a jar of expensive moisturizer? You must believe me when I tell you hers was worse. The makeup artist did a phenomenal job for 'The ring' movies' ghost (Samara) and I blame it all on them for what happened next.
Whenever my 12 and a half year old self would close my eyes that night I'd see this image: the girl crawling from that well using all sorts of joints and twisting them in ways that I was quite sure, would give her arthritis when she's older. Something about her dragging her wet self through a Television made it harder for me to look at that old TV box in the corner of my room. In fact, I stared at it until I was sure something moved in it's dark depths.
To think I had asked my parents to place the TV box in my room or I will create havoc, more than what I cooked up on a daily basis, made me think my parents would be reluctant to take the Tv box back to the basement in the dead of the night. So, I laid on my bed looking up at the ceiling, watching the shadows move and trying very hard not to shiver.
I was not the trembling kind, you see. I made other people tremble- old or young. I was feared and had a reputation to maintain. So it was with quite a lot of denial that I realized I was afraid, and deathly so, of a character in a movie. Samara was giving me a run for my pennies.
Tired of being fearful, I finally did something that hurt my 12 year old inflated ego to the core. Unfortunately, there was no way around it. The smell and wetness bothered me too much. I told my parents I had peed my bed and hence was going to sleep in their bed. Like the good chap they were, they let me.
''I told you not to watch that horror movie, Ann.''
''I'm not scared!'' I yelled offended at the accusation. ''I don't know what happened.''
Thankfully, they dropped the subject, only for it to resurface on every Thanksgiving dinner and family gathering from there on. It's a wonder I didn't turn out worse considering, before I chocked on dry thanksgiving turkey, I had to hear the bed pee jokes. In my parents' weak defense, they had warned me not to watch the movie. But I wouldn't listen.
Then came the twilight phase where I pretended and not very successfully at that, that I had a vampire boyfriend. A boyfriend that was very reluctant to show himself.
''It's the sun.'' I remember telling my friend. ''He doesn't want to start glittering like a beam ya know. It's not his best look.''
Eventually, I started running out of time and excuses. Either the non-existent boyfriend had to make a surprise appearance or I would be called a liar, liar pants on fire.
There was nothing worse, for a 13 year older than to be called a liar in the school cafeteria. My social life was already struggling so I had to resort to some desperate measures to fish and (and hopefully catch) a vampire who will fall in love with me and think the moon revolved around me.
I smiled, braces gleaming in the dark as I got a great but risky idea. That day I gathered some essential tools borrowed from my dad's old garage and went on the hunt to grab myself a vampire boyfriend. I waited till it was sufficiently dark to sneak out of the bed and out into the night.
On the other hand, who didn't have a cringe My Digital Escape phase? Some people might have gotten lucky but it definitely got me. Mine was so bad, I thought I was gonna meet Johnny at a warped tour and we were going to fall in love. This was a little after my vampire Twilight phase and the only reason I dragged my 6 grade self to go to the tour. I acted all mysterious in the tour, looking cool, all to no avail. Johnny ignored me like a pair of old shoes.
THE PARTY OF THE DECADE...
Leaves rustled beneath my feet and an owl hooted somewhere far. I breathed loudly, my asthmatic self was already in distress. I tried being quite as I made my way to the party that was rendering half the neighborhood around me deaf. Teenagers lounged inside bickering, talking and drinking cool aid. They looked very cool and composed to my younger self. I recognized a few of my senior classmates and the boy I had a crush on.
Moreover, I was prepared to meet the vampire with a pepper spray, ginger and a cross while wearing my best red church dress. Yes, I was that girl. I went to church alright. I was unstoppable with my braces, 5'7 height and non-existent breasts.
I didn't want anything to go wrong. Everything had to be perfect. Things, however, did not turn out as I had imagined. Before I had a chance to put my plan into action, I was caught by a teenager who thought I was a demon of some kind with my black eye liner and cross hiding in the front yard bushes. I think my loud breathing gave me away or maybe it was what I was screaming to attract the vampire? Now that I'm older and wiser (but not by much), I realize it is the former.
''Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?'' a girl with chapped lips asked from the crowd while glaring at me, as I made myself comfortable with the chips bowl on the sofa. I needed some sustenance after all that hard work I had put into a task that, might I add, was hardly fruitful.
In more detail, when I felt the full uncomfortable force of their glare, I stuttered out the first thing that came into my panicked mind and it was this:
''I-I was told there would be c-cake. I'm here for the cake!''
Some really good last words, don't you think? They stared at me surrounding me in a circle of human beings all looking at me as if I'd grown another head. Thankfully, I didn't have to say more. A neighbor called the police citing a noise complaint, and some drunk teenagers singing 'I don't like Mondays!' on their driveway.
When my parents finally got a hold of me after finding me in the thick of the party drunk on cool-aid and making a fool of myself, they tried to give me a way out.
I told them what Damon Salvatore told Elena in season 2:
''What were you doing there? How did you sneak out? Were you invited?''
My dad sighed tiredly at the last question, looking uncomfortable.
''She doesn't have any friends, Claire. We talked about this.''
I didn't have the heart to tell my parents I was there to catch a vampire and the circumstances that lead to the failed plan. I got grounded for 2 whole months but that's okay because what happened next made the grounding absolutely worth it.
A Mostly Happy Ending...
Word spread like fire in our school and it was with dawning horror and not a little bit of excitement I realized that overnight I had become a celebrity.
Apparently, word had gotten around that I was caught partying with the cooler, older kids. That the party was so lit, police were called and I was found in thick of it, rambling about cakes, Johnny and vampire boyfriends.
I spent the whole week enjoying my celebrity status in school and recalling in vivid, lying details what went down in the party to my amazed class fellows. Later, when I'm older I would be very embarrassed about the incident but right then I believed I had won.