I was shocked when I realized what my wife was doing on Tinder

She was not even embarrassed to be discovered! buser Jan (58) ut.

The brown eyes behind the spectacle lenses have a contemptuous expression.

- For Easter, we could have celebrated a silver wedding, a full 25 years!

The tears are released.

- I had thought that we would go to the cabin, just the two of us without the three children. There we were to go skiing, enjoy good food and wine, and feel a common pride in having shared a long life.

I had bought her a silver bracelet and had "you and I forever" engraved on it. Now it just seems silly.

Am I really so on the "berry ride" that I did not know my own wife?

At least it came as a shock that she was active on a dating app. Maybe she checked up on other men while we sat in each of our easy chairs at home in the living room and watched TV. So little did I know about my Aina.

Such is frightening to discover.

Superficial

The revelation is fresh and Jan needs to talk non-stop for a while.

- What is a "good" marriage for you?

- Well, we rarely quarreled, he begins by mentioning.

- We were united that the kids should be well and were good at following them up. We had great fun with mutual friends and having a nice home and a nice cabin in the mountains.

- How was the closeness between you?

- I understand the point, he says a little curtly in his voice. As if it's an accusation.

- There was probably too little of "that kind". I got tired of being rejected. It seemed that Aina never wanted me. This also applies to a guy. Being unfaithful, on the other hand, was unthinkable to me.

- How long was there such a distance between you?

- I barely remember when it started. Even after we got a third man, Aina showed less interest in being intimate. "Three tough births probably take a woman," I said to myself.

- In other words, did you not talk about it?

He shakes his head.

- Why not?

- Aina is usually very shy about conflict. A page by her that also describes me. There will not be much quarrel between such a couple, he says self-ironically and laughs a little now.

- Two questions first: You mention that she became less willing to be intimate. What about other forms of closeness?

- I will entrust you with a case…

He almost bets before the revelation comes.

- I simply love to be tickled on the back, he says with passion.

Aina could neither bear to tickle nor be tickled.

- It's not my thing, she repeated every time I asked for it.

It seems to have disappointed him very much.

The answer to the next question comes without being asked.

- This conversation has made me realize that I did not know my wife at all. The communication between us rarely went in depth. Realizing that the marriage must have been pretty superficial is almost as shocking as Aina deceiving me.

No fault

As a businessman, Jan has had great success. The wife's job has been to have the main responsibility for the children and the home.

- It just happened that way. For many years it worked fine, he believes.

- My responsibility was to make sure that she and the children had everything they wanted and I was proud to give it to them. Aina went on friend trips, arranged parties, trained regularly, read weekly magazines and seemed happy.

He is still stunned that it was not satisfactory enough for his wife.

- Did you notice if she changed before you revealed her?

- It just struck me that she seemed younger. I saw more of the girl I remembered from my youth. It made me happy.

- Was there nothing that made you suspicious?

- Absolutely not! That she took the phone everywhere was something I registered without finding it suspicious. Nor that she sat grinning like a teenager and glared at the screen. "Girlfriends!" I thought and thought it was with her regular gang she wrote.

Jan emphasizes once again that infidelity has never been in his thoughts - neither when it comes to him or her.

- Without us talking about it, I thought we agreed that that kind of nonsense only brings pain, he says firmly.

- Now she does not even show remorse.

Seemed proud

Jan discovered by chance that she was on Tinder.

- One night I came home early, she was sitting with her back to me on the sofa. She was wearing earmuffs and did not hear me coming. Inspired by her good mood lately, I slipped forward to give her a hug. That's when I saw her sweep pictures of men on the phone screen. Although I have never been on a dating app, I understood what was going on.

It took a few seconds before she spotted him.

- Aina was furious!

- And you?

- My voice trembled when I asked for an explanation. She seemed almost proud to have made a profile under a different name and without a picture.

"It's exciting," she said provocatively.

- Had she met anyone?

- Sure enough, she has been to several "dates", but according to her it was with the chat. She said that "so far the sweeping has been the most tantalizing".

Zero respect

It surprised him how different boundaries they have about infidelity.

- Maybe swiping on Tinder and meeting others without having sex is a gray area, but since it is done with consideration, planning and awareness, I would call it infidelity.

- Do you want to repair the relationship?

- In recent weeks, I have experienced that she has zero respect for our almost 25 years. I will struggle to forgive that.

On the other hand, it is probably the case that we have both lived with a longing, one we do not get saturated with each other.

There is no "happy ending" for us. Fortunately, our children are old enough to cope with the news they will soon receive that we are going to divorce.