I've Realized That However Hard You try — You Can Never Fully Satisfy a Woman.

“You will never be satisfied, will you?”, my father used to ask my mum. Whatever he tried to do for her, she always wanted more. Before I was born, my mother was a lawyer and supposedly she didn’t want that career path anymore, instead, she wished to focus more time on her children — my older sisters.

So naturally, my father became the sole provider for the family. But soon after my mum was unsatisfied again: apparently she didn’t want to be a “stay at home wife” anymore.

She craved change — so my parents moved away.

Even that wasn’t enough to keep her satisfied — she became nostalgic and wished to move back to her homeland. My father was puzzled: he fulfilled her every wish, but somehow there was always something that was making her unhappy.

My mother was in search of happiness, perhaps hoping that by changing the external factors around her she would finally find inner peace. Unfortunately, my mother died before she ever managed to find her peace in this world.

Women, in Western countries, have achieved so much nowadays and have gained more freedom. There are still many things that should improve for women, and we are far from having the equal treatment that we deserve. But we will get there.

What puzzles me though is that even though women have gained so much in the past 40 years, it doesn’t seem that it has brought us happiness. There are numerous studies out there pointing out that women are more unhappy than men.

Also, women are those who initiate divorces more often than men. A 2015 study by the American Sociological Association shows that women initiate two-thirds of all divorces. Women that are college-educated women initiate divorce at an astonishing 90% rate!

Whenever you gain something in one aspect of your life — you lose something else.

I believe that many women who become miserable feel as they have been lied to and when they grow up the real world hits them. Some of us have been taught and encouraged to reach certain expectations which just put so much pressure on us. When we are unable to reach them we become very frustrated with ourselves.

I know I am. I was raised to be a high achiever, a “strong woman”, with “inat” attitude and when I am not good enough at something — I feel as if I have failed.

We are often told by society that we should strive to have it all: obedient children, a successful career, a strong marriage and a tidy home. On top of that, we should have a smile on our face, and god forbid if we have a mental breakdown somewhere in public.

“What’s the world going to think about us? ”

I believe that some of us have been fed poisonous apples that have infected our brains and the ability to comprehend what happiness is.

Women think of themselves as victims. Self-pitying is toxic. When we accept that we are victims and that we are unable to change the situation around ourselves we become frustrated. This leads to resentment, unhappiness, mental health issues and ultimately living a miserable life.

We all feel from time to time as victims because our boss, partner, child and society overwhelms us with tasks and requests.

But you can change it — you have the power to stop being the victim. You don’t have to take on every request, task or demand. It’s okay to say no. And quite often it’s needed.

Women are angry towards those who should be protecting them and have failed. I was angry that my mother fed me with lies about her marriage. Her marriage was far from being perfect.

My mother was never honest with me. There is no happily ever after, there is hard work, commitment and compromise. That’s what makes a marriage work.

I was angry with my father for not telling me that Santa Claus doesn’t bring me Christmas presents. I felt betrayed by my dad and that led me to question my parents' integrity. What else did my parents lie about?

And especially why?

I know their intentions were good. But 20 years later — I still remember the day I learnt my parents lied to me. It hurt way more than realizing that Santa was made up. Santa didn’t nurture me, care for me and provide for me — my parents did.

Women blame themselves for things that are out of their control. Blame like stress is a killer. It’s been 5 months now since my dog died, and I still blame myself.

It was not my fault that he died. But what if only I had taken him more often to the vets for checkups — perhaps he would not have died?

Women often think that they are the cause of a failure in their life when they are not. There are certain aspects in life that are never under your control and blaming yourself will only hurt you.

Women can’t get over broken promises. Too many women grow up thinking that one day they will find the perfect man that will make them happy. They are promised as teenagers that if they put more makeup on they will look attractive and therefore catch the eye of the “Prince Charming” or if they excel in college they will easily find their dream job.

But life doesn’t work like that. It’s all a fantasy world. There are no shortcuts in life and there is no one and nothing that will make you happy — other than yourself.

Yes — you can be happy.

Miserable women are those who believed the lies the world has told them and then when they grow up and realize that the world isn't a Disney movie are hurt. But can’t get over it or rather don’t want to get over it.

I understand, I’ve been there too.

But there is a solution — change your priorities.

Your priority must be you, above anything else. Then arrange everything else accordingly. Maybe put love and family, not work, at the centre — or put your career above your partner's wishes. Whatever works for you — what makes you happy.

But realizing what makes you happy is hard work in itself.

Remember it is impossible to be happy with your life if you believe that people are victimizing you if you believe that other people made you suffer, if you believe that you are a failure, and if u believe that the people you trusted have betrayed you. And because of them, you made bad decisions in your life and that’s why you are unhappy.

Happiness is within in you, and if you are willing to find it — look deep within yourself. Let go of others, only you can know what makes you happy.

And often it’s something that you least expect.

Do you agree?

Thank you for reading.

This article was originally published here.