I REACH MY HIGH WHEN I AM ALONE

I am a woman of many gifts and talents. I don’t mean to brag, but I write, draw, dance, cook, do hair nails and makeup, poetry, act, design clothes, facilitate programs, give inspirational speeches, counsel, de-esculate, teach, rap and sing. Lastly, I took piano lessons, but I “play by ear,” better than “by the book.” So, it’s safe to say I can play an instrument too.

The jack of all trades has a lot of weeding out to do when thinking of what brings them inner peace. There are two things that come to mind when cutting the masses.

The first one is when I’m doing all of these things it comes easily and effortlessly. I instinctively do these things with love. I am usually focused, there is no pressure, and it’s all for fun. In this space, my best comes across and I am victorious. When I’m sharing these gifts with others, the reaction I get from them is priceless. It affirms that what I am doing is bringing other’s happiness and joy.

The second thing is that I feel good. Who wants to do any of these things if the passion is not behind it? The drive and the want to do it, is what makes me feel special. It is confirmation I was created for a special purpose. I quote Beyonce’s speech in her song "Ego," “Some women were made. But me, myself….. I like to think I was created for a special purpose.”

Although all the movement, the song, and the expression brings pleasure, the best activity that brings me inner peace is when I’m alone and I’m creating. There is no nervousness, no loss of words, no judgement, no thoughts, but freedom and pure freelance. My mind is lost in time and space. It’s equivalent to magic combined with instincts and intuition taking over and creating those things deemed as a masterpiece. The best part is that my Goddess shows through, and I am rejoicing in my higher self. But even this can have a dual meaning. I can tap into this Goddess when I’m facilitating a room in front of a bunch of people. I must leave myself, to receive the blessing to bless others.

One of the many enlightenments I allowed in, is, that when you are living a purposeful life and blessing others with your life purpose, the work isn’t hard. The many accomplishments I have, and all that I’m doing at this very moment even as I sit here writing these words now, is coming easy. My words are free flowing onto this word document, without pause.

I’ll leave you with this. I worked for an organization called GLC House of Hope for Girls. The program I started underneath GLC was called “Unapologetically Me.” This program was facilitated by me in a placement for "at risk" youth.

In one of my favorite sessions with the group of young ladies, we talked about fear. (“False, Evidence, Appearing, Real”). I went around the room asking everyone, what was their fear? Surprisingly, the room answered. I wasn’t expecting the youth to answer this question around their peers, but they did.

Some said they were afraid of the dark. Other’s said interesting things like being afraid of breaking their bones, pain, and another mentioned being afraid of dying young after witnessing her cousin gunned down. I felt for these kids, but in that moment, my mouth moved with ethereal wisdom and guidance.

For the person afraid of broken bones I asked, “Have you ever had a broken bone before?” They responded, “No.” “Well then why are you afraid of getting a broken bone?” “I don’t know… I just am.” Then I asked the entire room, “How many people in here have ever had a broken bone?” In a room of about sixteen about four people raised their hands. I then asked those four people, “Did it hurt?” They all responded, “Yes.” I followed up with this question; “What was the worst part about the broken bone(s)?” Again, the same answers were given. They were all annoyed with having to wear the cask. For the last question I asked, “Did it heal?” There were a variety of answers about still having pain in the area, but for the most part everyone said it healed.

I then came back to the adolescent youth and said to her, “You see the people in this room that have actually had a broken bone? They are here. They are healed. They are fine. If you were to get a broken bone, unless you have some other kind of health circumstances, you would have to wear a cask for a little, but then you would heal and be fine. Unbeknownst to my wisdom, I was utilizing her peers in the room to bring things into a realistic sense for this person. It helped this person to feel at ease, and possibly the release of fearing the possibility of them receiving a broken bone.

For the youth who witnessed the murder of her cousin. I said, “Wow! That’s tough. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. “What are some of your fondest memories of your cousin?” This immediately brightened her spirits, and the young lady talked about spending time with her cousin, doing fun things with him, and them attending family gatherings. I then asked, “Do you think your cousin would rather you remember his death, or the good memories the both of you shared.” She hesitated. Her eyes were watching the floor, for I had taken her mind back to the place of her missing him. Thoughtfully, but in a sad voice she answered, “The good memories.” I lastly stated, “What happened to your cousin is not your life story. If it were, you wouldn’t be here. Every day that you’re here, keep his memory alive by living without fear. You are still here for a reason. You are still here for a purpose.”

I’ll always remember those two as the most challenging but inspiring and fierce personifications of my career. Although both are very distinct from one another, they both stunned me with unexpectedness. I wasn’t prepared for these kinds of answers received but was still able to give positive life changing responses. All their vulnerable secrets were right in the palms of my hands, and in all their peer’s minds. Because I had opened that can of worms, it was my responsibility to protect, nurture and guide it. And that’s what I did. Nobody was made fun of. Nobody showed disrespect to one another while speaking. This was one of the best days of my life in my career. I felt capable, skilled, knowledgeable, honest, humble and most of all fulfilled in purpose. Everyone, that day, was healed.