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"I like you", for 400, please

the universe is like, "famz, you have someone who is good for you, why are you trying to sabotage it?

By Priya GPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 4 min read
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"I like you", for 400, please
Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash

Here are my thoughts on a girl I ‘barely’ know.

Am I maybe jealous that she has the freedom to see whoever and do whatever? I turn 25 in the next couple of months, I don’t want to wake up in 20 years and wonder what if?

But that doesn’t mean I want to hurt people I love. I'm not trying to. It’s never my intention. My intention is to be happy. I am happy… right?

I am, and I feel like the universe gave me a good partner - some who is kind, good-hearted, funny..…the list is not long enough for this story, but you get the point. There are maybe one or two things that I would change, but no one should be with someone if all you wanna do is change them, and again I’m not trying to. I'm just figuring out my thoughts.

This other person, let's name her “N”, I have something for. I'm not going to lie. She is attractive, I don’t know her personally, but on the outside, damn. I don’t get to see her that often, I guess our work schedules mismatch for a reason. Sometimes I feel like the universe is like, ‘Famz…you have someone who is good for you, why are you trying to sabotage it?”.

Sooo, I don’t get to see her for that reason. I try though…oh man, do I ever try to leave early to catch a glimpse of her before she heads into her work, but it has never worked. I get there too early, or she gets in an hour later…the universe is definitely sending me signs (again).

The mystery around her is what I’m attracted to. Who is she? She’s active on social media quite frequently, but she never messages me, usually always sees my stories though. Isn’t that typical? Isn’t that how it always goes these days?

I sent her a new years message, and I wanted to extend our conversation a few more lines, but to no avail did I know what to say or maybe how to say it.

But I’m just questioning it. I’m questioning my attraction for her and why her. It probably has nothing to do with my romantic relationship. I really hope not. Perhaps it's just making me reflect on my romantic relationship and others too.

I think about her from time to time, and wonder when she’ll want to come over. We’ve mentioned it before in odd conversation whenever I’d be heading into my work. But that was 2 months ago. I should probably take it as a hint. But I don’t.

We like this same author though. Damn, every time this author releases a new book, I’m tempted to want to share it with her and imagine we’d have a conversation, that would be funny and enjoyable and maybe mind shifting too, as she might have different perspectives on it.

But I never do. I hold myself back. I worry that it might affect my romantic relationship.

The weird thing is, is when I was creeping her insta, I crept her followers and saw that she was following this other girl - who seems pretty and ‘attractive’. I felt jealous, which is so ridiculous because I’m in a relationship.

it’s ridiculous, right? Please reassure my thoughts and tell me I’m not tripping.

Why would you have feelings of ‘jealously’, toward someone you barely see, barely talk to, and barely know?

Can I blame it on my attachment and need for ‘possession?’. That's a stretch. I don’t have attachment issues, even though I moved a lot during my life, didn’t have a lot of friends, got comfortable with being by myself, even in a relationship, like right now.

So why do I feel jealous over someone like that?

I’ll take, “I like you”, for 400 please.

Something that reassures me though is that she likes me and I know I’m her type, I know it. Perhaps she’s afraid too of interfering with what I have, so she keeps her contact on the down-low.

Another way I know she likes me, is that she just stares, observes, with patience, and invites me in, whenever I’m speaking to her. Mysterious is what she is too. Ready to pounce, but not to harm. Her expressions are like a barn owl.

For now, I'm going to let it go. I’m wasting my energy. I need to put my energy toward something else - my goals, my passions, and my young life.

I have a choice to make and I already made it. I just need to own it.

Humanity
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About the Creator

Priya G

I really enjoy writing, it has helped me process and document my life, my journies, the good, bad & everything in between. My hope, is that you as the reader and fellow writers, take what speaks to you! Happy reading! :)

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