I Had to Learn Who I Was Before Subjecting Anyone Else to Me!

How many times had I heard the question, "Why haven't you settled down yet?" Don't you want to have kids? We were programmed at very young ages to believe in marriage, yearn for a lovely house, have a few kids. All the more, I could hear my Dad saying, "Don't ever get married." You see, my model for marriage consisted of my Mother and Father and their tumultuous marriage. They hit all of the lows and missed all of the highs. This dynamic pair should have divorced many years ago.

My parents weren't always unhappy, but somewhere along the way, life happened. It beat the love right out of them. It is fair to say I do not remember ever seeing a tender moment between the two of them. It almost seemed like a business partnership but on an out-of-control roller-coaster ride.

Indeed, I did not want to take part in the same type of marriage. I came out of my shell in my late teens and twenties. I had two steady relationships in my twenties, but only one I could have considered marrying. I could always find some flaw in whomever I dated, and I dated frequently. The drawback would be magnified when the going became challenging, and I decided to move on.

I have had a lot of time to reflect on this. I think about myself and who I was in my twenties. The fact is, I had no idea who I was and what I wanted. I knew I did not yearn for what my parents had. I always remember the quote, " Life is short, but if you marry badly, life is long." This quote always seemed to resonate with me. Who, other than my parents, wants to be miserable their entire life? When I made it to my thirties, I started to hear the questions ever louder. Why isn't Jeff married? I was taken aback when this same question came out of my Father's mouth. He was my significant proponent for not being married.

I feel a certain amount of pity for the women I dated throughout my twenties. Looking back, they never had a chance. I would find the negative in all of my relationships. Now don't get me wrong, this was not a spectacular line-up of women. I believed I had great taste in women, but some people have disagreed. Thinking back, I can only say there was one person who I would have considered marrying. Considering I dated quite a few women, only one stood a chance! That says something!

I look at my twenties as being very valuable in shaping me as a person. I needed to grow up and realize I was not my "parents." It was a tough concept, but I could find happiness, and not everything would result in misery. I have to emphasize "grow up" , because I was incredibly self-centered and immature. These two traits were not a winning combination when dating. It can't and never should always be about "you." It took every bit of my twenties and into my thirties before I could get out of my head and see others for who they truly were.

I eventually met someone I could see for who she was. She was already in my orbit, and we had developed a friendship in our later twenties. I believe it was our long friendship that led to our eventual dating. She cut through all of my "BS," and we saw each other for who we were. Flaws be damned, we were pretty good for one another. If there is one lesson I could impart on anyone in their twenties, don't rush to get married. Try to assess who you are and live your best life alone before bringing someone else into your life.