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I Gave My Ex-Boyfriend Lice

He stayed with me anyway.

By Susie PinonPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
Top Story - November 2021
20

For a few years, I worked in catering and was often lucky enough to be assigned coat-check by the maître’d. It was always a relief and made me feel appreciated in the workplace. I made amazing tips, got to wear clothes that didn’t make me look like a penguin (because my uniform sure did), and I didn’t have to work very hard at all.

I’ve always been very smiley, and that helped boost my tips even more. Lots of people feel social pressures to tip the coat check girl a few bucks, and I graciously accepted, elated to find the occasional twenty in my bucket. When I became swarmed by groups of men, my tip jar filled up even faster.

I enjoyed the holidays for this reason. Everyone wore coats, and I made lots of green. Until one day I started scratching like crazy, basically making my scalp bleed. This wasn’t a dandruff-type of itch. I had fucking lice at twenty years old and got it from working coat check at a pristine banquet hall.

I happened to share it with my boyfriend at the time. We didn’t know it yet, though. I went to the doctor, and with a quick head check she prescribed me over-the-counter lice shampoo, so toxic it felt like my head was actually melting off.

Post shampoo, I was inspecting my head in my magnifying mirror only to see a tiny bug run across my scalp. I still get chills thinking about it. I started to scream, stripped naked, and bolted downstairs to drown my head in olive oil. I read somewhere online this trapped them from moving and I hoped it would put a halt to their rapid mating.

The itching was so intense that relieving it was the only thing I could think about at every second of the day. I started to make myself bleed as I became a slave to my bug-ridden scalp. I maneuvered to the shower and felt the gush of anxious blood ooze from my nostril.

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$300 Christmas Eve Surprise

A few days later, I ended up getting professionally treated on Christmas Eve morning, and they found not only hundreds of bugs on me but thousands of eggs.

The shampoo did shit. My mom got a head-check too, and luckily, she had none, likely because she wears hairspray or mousse every single day, and that’s a big deterrent. The treatment cost over 300 USD. Merry Christmas to us.

I convinced my boyfriend to get a head check, and I wasn’t surprised that he had it, too. I paid for the special shampoo and comb and spent literally four hours removing the lice and nits from his head in my bathroom that night. I didn’t know what I was doing obviously, and accidentally pulled a lot of hair out along the way. It was painful for him. When he got home he told me his mom and brother got lice too because they shared the same hairbrush. At that moment, I thought I would die. Then he told me he was kidding but I didn’t think it was funny.

The next day he shaved his head. I was shocked. I was also annoyed because I spent four hours picking his hair like a monkey which included a thorough inspection of my comb between gnat removals. He was one of those guys that had that long, flowy, “Justin-Bieber” hair, if you will- his favorite asset.

He wore tight hats and walked about with eyes of grief. He did not look good with a shaved head. I don’t know how he didn’t dump me, so I waited for him to break up with me. This was only two months into our relationship so honestly, I wouldn’t have blamed him if he cut it off.

I wasn’t allowed in his house for a while after that because I was seen as contaminated. But a part of me was glad he shaved his head because he likely would have given it right back to me. I don’t think I would have sported a shaved head well. And I sure as hell wasn’t planning on getting another professional treatment done.

Eventually, his hair grew back, and as time passed his anger faded and things went back to normal. It was odd telling people why he shaved his head, and I was thoroughly embarrassed each time he said, “My girlfriend gave me lice.” People thought I was dirty since they had a poor understanding of how people truly get lice.

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With that, I told my boss I wasn’t doing coat-check anymore and explained to her what happened. I even had a doctor’s note like a schoolgirl from my Christmas Eve appointment. She looked at me in sheer panic as if I was still contaminated and gave me a mandatory week off. This was a common reaction.

I felt isolated, ostracized, and dirty, unwelcome into other homes, and untouchable. My best friend wouldn’t hug me for months. It was sad. It was also a lot of work because I had to sanitize if not replace everything. My flat iron, hairbrush, sheets, shower cap, pillowcases, clothes…it was a lot. And looking back, the biggest lesson I learned was to never check my coat.

That wasn’t the only thing I shared with him though. A few months after that, we kissed when I had a cold sore, and I gave him Herpes simplex virus type-1. But that’s a story for another day.

I learned to stop giving my boyfriend(s) things they would much rather live without.

Embarrassment
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About the Creator

Susie Pinon

Italian chick with a New Yorker attitude. Free-spirited, eclectic by nature, vegan. I'm fueled by my passion for the art of words. I'm addicted to chocolate + love to heal through the sun's rays. Let's talk words

https://linktr.ee/xosusiep

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