I Didn't Have Sex with My Husband for 10 Years

Sex is something that most people take for granted — especially when they are in a relationship. They assume that their partner will have sex with them on at least a semi-regular basis. They believe that sex will be something they have access to for the duration of their relationship.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

I was married for 13 years. I knew when I married him that he had mental health issues. Anxiety and depression and eventually agoraphobia became part of it. But I didn’t really understand to what extent that could affect our lives.

Medications affect people in different ways. Sometimes it makes them angry. Sometimes they get dry mouth and their teeth break and fall out (yes, that happened). And sometimes…well, it affects sexuality. It can decrease desire and…things just don’t work they way they are supposed to.

We tried a few things to keep the excitement alive. But ultimately, it was a lot of work and I felt bad for putting him through it. Because it wasn’t for him. It was for me.

Or so I thought. Sex might have been good for him. I know it would have. Even it it wasn’t exactly sex. Even if it was just more about the intimacy. Even if it was just about the hugging and holding and kissing and touching.

I honestly regret that I didn’t try harder.

Anyway, ya, things got hard and we both stopped trying. And we didn’t have sex for the last 10 years of our marriage.

Then he died.

I thought we had more time. I thought we would get back to sex. I was waiting for him to say he was ready. I told him I was ready when he was. He wasn’t there yet though. So, I waited patiently.

Things got a lot worse though. Besides the anxiety and depression he also got a disease called polymyositis. It’s an autoimmune disease. Poly means many. Myo refers to the muscles. Polomyositis is a disease where the immune system attacks the muscles in the shoulders and hips and sometimes the neck. The result — he was pretty much immobilized for about a week. And in the hospital for two months learning how to walk again. 8 months later he was just getting to the point that he could walk with a walker more than a few feet.

But that’s not the worst of it. Liver cirrhosis. Fatty liver. But with diet, it was getting better. So we thought. He got an infection and within a week he was being air flighted to the city. By the time I got there he was on a kidney dialysis machine, had a machine to breathe for him, and about 15 medications being forced into him. And within 24 hours after I got there…he was gone.

It happened that fast.

One day he was there and he was just going to the city to get better. Then he was gone.

This Isn’t Just A Sob Story

There’s a point to all this — I swear.

Life is short. It is way too short not to have sex, make love, get down and dirty, give blow jobs, eat ass, have anal sex, have a threesome, go to an orgy — do whatever the hell it is that makes you and your partner happy. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone or each other, do what you like.

Because you aren’t going to be around forever. Next month you could be in the hospital and saying goodbye to your partner. Or your partner could be.

And this applies to other stuff, too.

Take the trip. Start the business. Make up with that friend.

Find what makes you happy and do the hell out of it.

Don’t be like me and waste 10 years on no sex, no intimacy, no touching or holding the one you love. It doesn’t matter how much sex I have now. I lost out on 10 years of loving the most important man in my life

Don’t do that.

I write about sex, sexuality, and writing. I also write erotica. If that's you're thing you'll love my stories.

I write for a living so the income I earn on sites like these are partially because I enjoy them and partially to make money and to show potential clients what I can do. If you're interested in hiring me, please visit my website, Inky Blue Allusions.