I am not dirty, I'm Ojibwe...

I experienced racism at 5 years old but I didn't know what it meant back then. Looking back now, it was ignorance and I forgave them, but that still doesn't make it okay.

I've lived on a reservation my entire life. When I was in kindergarten, I would take a 45-minute bus ride to the nearest town. There weren't that many Native Americans who attended and we all knew each other, but like many children, we wanted to play with everyone. Everyone had the potential to become a new friend. I remember one time I wanted to play princesses with some girls at recess and one of them turned around and said, "No, you're a dirty Indian." They all giggled and ran off. I was so upset that they wouldn't let me play with them that I went to tell an adult. When I told that lady what they called me, she smirked but then laughed at me. I was so confused. Was it a funny joke that I didn't get? Was I supposed to know what they meant? What did this adult know that I didn't and why wouldn't she tell me? I figured out that they were trying to be mean to me but I didn't really understand how it was mean.

It wasn't until 5 years later that I understood what those girls meant, and why it was so wrong that the adult I told laughed in my face. Don't get me wrong, I knew what racism was and I knew it was wrong, but I never thought it would be something I would experience first hand. When I moved to another reservation in a different state, I learned what racism against Native Americans was.

I still think about that day when I bead. By bead, I mean creating beautiful Native American regalia and accessories such as earrings or necklaces that you may see today. I learned how to bead when I was 8 years old. I was taught so many life lessons through this process but didn't know it at the time. Patience, respect, imperfection, and the Creator. ("The Creator" is our version of God.) The designs that we make are not our own. They are given to us by the Creator. They are meant for the world to see. They have meaning. For example, I was born with fire red hair, even though I have dark raven hair now, so my grandmother gave me the Ojibwe name of "Ode'min Kwe," which means "Strawberry Woman." Strawberries in Ojibwe are what we call the "Heart Berry." I try to bead strawberries in almost all of my designs because to me, I'm beading my heart into showing the world what Native American is. Essentially, I'm representing myself and my people in this beautiful artwork.

What I also learned about beadwork is that there needs to be a mistake. You see, the Creator flows through everything. If the beadwork is perfect, the Creator is trapped. I take that lesson with me when I think about those little girls who were most likely parroting what their parents were saying or that woman who laughed in my face. No one is perfect. I believe that the Creator flowed through them and one day they would realize what they did was wrong.

When I wear my regalia at Pow Wows or wear my strawberry earrings at work, I feel a sense of pride. I'm proud that I am Native American. I'm proud to be Ojibwe. I'm proud to be Bear Clan. I'm proud that I have the patience to explain to those who are curious or ignorant. I am proud that I can forgive. I am proud that I can recognize that no one is perfect. When I thread my needle. When I put multiple colors of beads on that thread. When I create Ojibwe woodland floral beadwork for my regalia or someone else's. When I cut out the patterns. When I post a picture on social media. I know I'm making a difference in educating the world that I'm not a "dirty Indian." That we are not "dirty Indians." I'm showing the world that we are still here...thriving.