I am done adulting! Check Please!

My office is a mess. Coffee cups, empty Pop Tart bags, sticky notes in various colors spewed around with essential tidbits of information. There are seven cheat sheets from work on reconsolidating my work credit card, posting social media, engaging donors, engaging volunteers, and upcoming programming that I still need to make flyers for.

My calendar looks like I am a high-level government official, but it is all random work chores. Go to Costco for drinks, go to Fred Meyers for bags of candy (because it is 'buy one-get one' free), go to Papa Murphy's to order 35 pizza's, go to Starbucks to return coffee heater, go to Wal-Mart because they are having a sale of paper plates and I am out. Check-in meetings, regional meetings, return phone calls, return emails, follow up on previous emails, circle back on previous phone calls.

It is the first of the month - payday. I need to pay bills, check my credit report. Did that loan actually get paid off? I have a stack of mail that needs my attention- reconsolidation notices, new mortgage rates, garbage bill, water bill, electricity bill. Do I want to lower my car interest? I have been approved for a Wal-Mart credit card. When did Wal-Mart get a credit card?

The dentist says that I owe them $325.00 for a cleaning; I should call the insurance company and find out why they didn't cover it. Unfortunately, the insurance company is on east coast time- I will wake up at 4 a.m. tomorrow and call them; I might get through.

The Doctors office called again yesterday- I didn't pick up my new feet things, I need to get more blood drawn, they are transferring me to another specialist. Do I want a Flu shot?

The school emailed us last night. Great news! They have more trained school bus drivers- the end is in sight. Unfortunately, it was only three routes that were blessed with weekly pick-up and drop-offs. I am still tasked with taking my youngest to school and back every other week until at least February 2022. School starts at 7:30 a.m.; he wants to be there at 7:12 a.m. to get settled, pick up is at 2:00 p.m. 2:00 p.m., the exact time that my job is usually full force in some programming or meetings. This should be interesting.

I work from home. This should all be manageable. I should not have a pile of laundry, unswept floors, unmade beds, carpet that hasn't seen a vacuum in over two weeks, and four empty toilet paper rolls lining my bathtub.

I used to have a system! Get up at 4 a.m. (because I want to), do dishes, drink coffee, have a smoke, throw a load of laundry in, write until 5:45 a.m, workout until 7:15 a.m., get ready for the day, and by 8:30 a.m., I was settled and prepared to tackle the day. I had prepared the list the night before, fully detailing what I needed to accomplish. I knew what meetings were scheduled, what emails I needed to compose, what phone calls I should return, and which ones I was ignoring. I had time slotted to plan events for next month- that is how organized I was six months ago.

Someone asked me why I haven't written any historical blogs lately. I just don't have the time to do the research anymore. Eight to ten hours of research for a 15-minute blog read- and I never really got any feedback. So my heart is just not in it right now.

A friend told me, very nicely, that I am a beautiful writer- but my spelling and punctuation left something to be desired. I don't know why that hurt; I know this about myself. It is why I have Grammarly.com- but it seems that the program created for artistic people like me is unable to keep up with my broken English.

Does anyone else feel this overwhelmed? Is it just me? I know that the people in my immediate household would tell me I am overreacting, get my shit together, fix it.

I can hear their voices:

'I don't understand; you work from home.'

'What do you mean you can't get your work done and all the cooking, cleaning, babysitting three days a week, laundry, and engaging conversations that we want to have during your 'work hours.'

'What do you mean that your sole focus is not on us and our immediate wants?'

'What do you mean that I can't plan something for my own life, and you readjust yours, even though I didn't ask what you have going on.'

Does the youngest have school today? Shit- I forgot to schedule my parent-teacher conferences! I think he is getting good grades- I haven't checked in a while. No calls from school teachers mean good news, right?

What am I going to do about it? I can't come to the table with a list of complaints and not one solution!

I am moving to Wales! I don't know why that country- it just seems peaceful. I hear that they have decent weather and good coffee. That is about all I really need in my life right now. Yes! Let me get on Google.com and see if there are any job openings for wanna-be writers with a strong addiction to coffee.

It is 5:34 a.m. I need to get ready to go work out. But, I only had one cup of coffee. Did I feed the dogs yet? Where the hell are my running shoes? I should stop by the laundry room and throw a load in!

Does anyone want to meet for coffee? I don't think this is going to be a productive day.

P.S. I finally got my Jeep back 2 days ago! I haven't driven it just in case they forgot to fix something else.