How to Date A German Man

Germans are uptight! There are rules and protocols for every occasion, and if there is not a rule, they will make one up.

Thinking outside the box is not a concept easily grasped by a German man. One thing you will hear repeatedly is "that is just not possible." You cannot change plans once they are made. That is just "not possible." They are very rigid in their thinking. Whining and learning to be pessimistic are skills they learn from birth on.

German men do not smile at strangers in fact, smiling is not something they do readily at all (except in the beer hall). But they do like to stare at women.

Sometimes Germans make up "rules" on the spur of the moment just to argue with you. German men think arguing is fun and sexy. Just argue back for a while and before you know it you might have him laughing, smiling, and buying you a beer for being such a good sport, but probably not.

How to Meet Him

If you are fortunate enough to find a good-looking guy in Germany (and some of them are very very good-looking), approach him first and be direct. German men can be clueless and dense when it comes to romance.

If you are shy and not comfortable making the first move, you can easily find a way to get him to approach you. For example, cross the street without the correct pedestrian green light, and I guarantee you will make him yell! And in the German way of thinking, yelling, like arguing, can be very sexy.

Walk on the grass when the sign says not too! Whoops! You have got a German yelling at you.

Put your feet on the seat of the train. Again, another German yelling out you. The list goes on and on. Just keep in mind, yelling and arguing are foreplay to a German man. Just keep smiling, be cool, and before long you will have a date.

Tips for the Date

Punctuality is vital. They do not understand the concept of a ten-minute grace period. You must be on time. Fashionably late is just late to them and not excusable. Being late is just not a possible alternative to a German man.

Also, do not ask them how you look if you do not want an honest, direct, and at worse, harsh, answer. In fact, you may not even have to ask to get an "honest" appraisal. If he does not like what you are wearing, he will tell you. If he thinks you look fat, he will tell you.

And the same goes for questions you ask him. "How are you?" is not a polite greeting to a German. It is an opening to tell you exactly how he is doing! And do not be shocked if you get a blow-by-blow discussion about his most personal and intimate issues.

Expect to pay your own way, so bring money. Most likely you will be splitting the bill. I dated a German man once who thought he was being gallant when he bought my donut at a donut shop. I paid for my own coffee, but he bought me a donut. They really do not see this as being cheap.

Do not expect romance. You will open your own doors, pull your own chair out. He will order first. If you drive, you will pump and pay for the gas. Despite their love of the automobile, most German men have no problem with the woman driving, pumping, and paying for the gas.

Impressing His Mother

You do not have to impress his mother. Most likely you will never meet her. And if you do, he will not care what she thinks anyway. German men do not tend to be mama's boys. In fact, you may be shocked for the disregard with which he treats his mother.

How to Get Rid of a German Man

German men are not good at reading people. He is used to dealing with the practical and straight forward. He does not pick up on subtlety. If you are out at a bar and try to break away with the old faithful, "I've got to go to the bathroom," you might find him standing there waiting four hours later. You have got to be direct.

Being direct is extremely hard for American girls who are afraid of being mean or hurting someone's feelings. Just tell him you are not interested. You may have to tell him again and again and again. Do not tell him you are not good at long distance relationships and that you do not think they are possible because he will then try to convince you that it is the only thing in Germany that is possible.

- Julie O'Hara 2023

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