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"Hey Mom. I Never Told You This Before, But...”

Just the little things that I didn't have time to say, as I thought you would live forever!

By Denise E LindquistPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
5
"Hey Mom. I Never Told You This Before, But...”
Photo by Sandra Seitamaa on Unsplash

Dear Mom,

When I was a little girl I lived in fear. I didn't feel safe unless you were there. Later, As a teen, I didn't want to spend time with you as I was too busy drinking and using drugs and spending time with friends. I regretted that time spent away from you when I had children of my own.

I felt bad when you were grieving my dad, your husband after he died. I understood why my birthday has been so difficult for so many years as he died on my birthday. Not a good reminder for you either. It continued to be difficult for me and that is why I celebrate all month long to this day.

I thank you for loving my children. I thank you for being in their life when I wasn't the mother I should have been. I thank you for teaching them to work hard and play hard. I got the work hard part down. Maybe I am making up for the playing hard I did in the drinking and drugging days.

I thank you for being there for my grandchildren too. I remember thinking you had so much patience to be able to throw the ball for so long with Brandon. It was only years later that Brandon told me that you would hit him with the ball when you got tired.

I don't know if it was funny at the time but it is now. He survived that time but he hasn't played much ball. Wrestling became his sport. So, okay, you weren't perfect! I saw that imperfection over and over again. It was okay. Who is perfect.

I remember you telling the kids when they were little that the meter maid was a witch and they would point at her and say, "Look at that witch!" The funny part is that the witch was their cousin on their dad's side.

I am sorry for thinking you would be around forever and that we would always have time to take time! I loved our time together. I loved that you would help me clean and I loved your cooking and your baking, just like everyone did.

I loved that you were always so concerned about my husband. "Doug washes the laundry? He washes your underwear? Oh, ick!" "What is John having for supper? Cereal? We are having steak and shrimp and he is having cereal? Shame on you!"

Thank you for helping me to understand how important our world is. The environment we live in. The water is medicine, the animals. The importance of our culture. I loved the stories you told. I remember many of them. I have shared them with others.

I loved the relationship you shared with your oldest sister. Nabasa polyester, and you would laugh! I loved your inside jokes. The humor was fun. The gossip. My auntie was the family historian and I always wished someone would tape her and all that she knew about the family.

I came to realize that I got much of the teachings as I was the oldest. And female. And my sister was in another place much of her growing up and into her adulthood. She picked up so much though and thank you for my siblings.

I am sorry Carrie and Tim have died already. I never thought that would happen. I know you warned me about Carrie. I don't know how you knew, but I think that helped me to get through that time, as you had told me a few times.

You said how you wanted to go before your kids, a number of times too. I just never thought I would have to deal with that situation with just barely one year in between. You are with them now. Thankfully.

And finally, Miigwech for giving me life!

Love you always,

Denise Claire Estey, your oldest daughter

Childhood
5

About the Creator

Denise E Lindquist

I am married with 7 children, 27 grands, and 12 great-grandchildren. I am a culture consultant part-time. I write A Poem a Day in February for 8 years now. I wrote 4 - 50,000 word stories in NaNoWriMo. I write on Vocal/Medium weekly.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  2. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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  • Babs Iverson2 years ago

    Fantastic story!!!💕

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