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Having Lunch with my Ex Boyfriend taught me more than our whole relationship

How one afternoon changed my mindset

By Nat Published about a year ago 3 min read
Having Lunch with my Ex Boyfriend taught me more than our whole relationship
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

We broke up years ago, it was really for the best. At the end of our relationship, we were spending the majority of our time-fighting. We always had problems. He cheated on me with an 18-year-old when he was 27 didn't help. I was angry for a long time. So when he asked me to lunch I was hesitant at first. My best friends were telling me that it was an awful idea. I decided that it would be a good idea to hear him out. He surprisingly let me pick the time and place. While getting ready I kept thinking if this was a good idea or not.

I got to the diner five minutes early and he was already there. That was a first. He was usually late by at least 3o minutes. I was keeping an open mind. He stood up when he saw me and hugged me. That also felt strange, why was he being caring all of a sudden. So we sat and talked and drank crappy diner coffee like we used to and it felt normal, almost too normal. We talked about life, theater, and what makes us happy and sad. For a second I thought that he changed but he didn't.

He wanted to meet because it hurt him when he saw that I was hurting. He couldn't understand how someone so strong was so miserable being alone. After everything, I went through I was still terrified of being alone. For someone who witnessed so much pain and death, I didn't shut down. I could have easily shut down years ago but I didn't. At the end of the day, I had two choices numbing myself or keep going. Numbing myself did not seem to be an option at the time. So I kept going. Like sucks and sometimes you keep living. Opening up to him taught me that I wasn't truly alone through all of this.

It's hard to be the one who stays. life changes in an instant. You sit down in a diner to listen to your ex-boyfriend and then your life changes. Listening to him speak about me about our relationship. My anger towards him and his situation completely changed. He explained to me why he did the things he did and it made sense. I was not the only one hurting. I didn't see that through my pain that someone I loved very much was also in a lot of pain. After we ate, we both decided that we wanted to continue talking. So we started walking the streets of Brooklyn. When we said our goodbyes we hugged and moved on. I came with less hope than I thought. My friends were wrong when they thought that me meeting him was a bad idea. It was not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all.

Both of us learned a lot during our afternoon. I learned more during that afternoon than I did in our whole two-and-a-half-year relationship. I learned more about me and him together. We were never good for each other but we had a lot of love for each other. We still care for each other but we are not compatible but we both learned a lot from each other. During our relationship I don't think that we were the right people for each other and now we are pretty good friends who stay in contact almost daily while seeing other people. I do think that I learned more from that one afternoon than during our whole two-and-a-half-year relationship and I do not think that I would change it in anyway.


About the Creator



writing about adoption, mental health, and chronic Illness.

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