Harsh Reality

I didn’t wake up one day and tell myself…hey Brittany,let’s get some Heroin and a needle so you can inject yourself only to lose your self, self-esteem, morals, your precious children and everything you own. (Material) It took years of pain medication to turn into years of Heroin use. The dark road not only consumed me but also my husband. He died of an overdose in 2015 while I was serving my first prison sentence. You would think that losing my children and husband would have been enough for me to stop using. Nope, I spiraled down even more. I became homeless, living on the streets and in abandoned houses. Prostituting myself. Looking back at that makes my skin crawl. To think that I was walking the streets and down allies at 3am getting in strange men’s cars. Being raped at gun point. Still none of that mattered. I still chose to get high. The end of summer 2017 my mom let me come back home. I turned myself into the Miami county jail January 2018. I did a two week sanction and the day I was released I went strait to Crisis care, where I got on the vivitrol shot. Things were great at first, but I got bored. I went on a crack/Xanax binge. My mom calls them my retard pills. I have absolutely no filter when I’m under the influence of Xanax. Well while binging I didn’t check in with my P.O. (probation officer) needless to say I got arrested for the warrant they put out for absconding my probation. I did six months in Miami County jail then went to the Nova house (inpatient treatment) I did great! First time I ever completed any rehab. When I got home things were great but that was short lived. Started using again and said fuck probation catch me when you can. That attitude ended up with me getting my second prison number. My second prison sentence was different than the first. I wasn’t all up in the mix. I stayed to myself, listened to my music and read. I can’t really explain what happened but I had a spiritual awakening. I found myself and that’s when it started. I set three small realistic goals for when I got out. 1.Get my mind right 2. Get my License 3.Get back in school…. Fast forward to now…. I accomplished all three of my goals and then some. I work on my mental everyday! I have my license and a car of my own. (No car note) I’m currently going to a local community college. The only down fall is no one wants to hire a felon. It’s so frustrating when you work on self and you’re getting your shit back together that you can’t find a good job. I have paid my debt to society and it’s the breaks when No one wants to give you a chance. That’s the Harsh Reality of being an X-con with substance abuse issues.