Getting Back In The Game

Things have certainly been shaping up in some ways.

As I walk around now, I feel much more relaxed internally, almost like there is a blissful, hollow buffer between my face and my...face.

In a manner of speaking, of course.

I walk by shops and look in, and people zero in on me, even at times when they are looking in the complete opposite direction. I would be sure to tell you, of course, that I had my doubts about this phenomenon, hearing it second hand. But I am here to tell you this with utter confidence (heck, confidence is really not even necessary here) that it can be yours to experience.

Now, I'm not of a mind to know exactly what has brought me to this point now. Still, I feel it is the result of several factors, including some of my close family giving me shelter for several months with little on my end (aside from minding some things for them), the Pump Club app (though I honestly have not been to the gym in two weeks for numerous reasons *cough* excuses...) crushing my worries about what is the right way to approach exercise and building muscle...

Well: at least two factors!!

At this point, it is really only money and a place of my own that are my Achilles' heels'. I mean, I do have a shyness and hesitation to socialize like a dead weight upon me (then again, was the way I used to be not unburdened as evidenced by my experiencing such bliss feeling, as mentioned above?), but my skills and magnetism have certainly become more...acceptable, perhaps? I feel the way is being paved even more noticeably now, as if the plans are laid and now the aesthetic must be addressed.

Some notions and ideas, is all.

So I have an interview set for tomorrow, for a bussing position. I also applied to a breakfast restaurant for serving, which I hope I get. There really is no enjoyment for me in the work--mainly just a way to be around cute girls and socialize with people in a more amicable environment than a bar, say.

Anyway, I don't drink anymore. But choice. I thank my parkour incident for that, lol.

I would have little misgivings, did I pick up drinking again. It would mainly be breaking my year-and-a-half-long streak that would get me down. But, again, it is so limiting to have potential resources in meeting women at bars where you have to deal with loud music, or bros (for lack of a more refined term...no, I really just wanted to make it short and sweet and say that), or goddamned suffocating SPORTS on the television (like being in an alternate reality where the greatest minds in show business could find nothing better to swamp the airwaves with), et al. I guess I could say I have always been a fish out of water, so the whole situation has been troubling for me from the start. All the polite people I met in my travels in those days--with some exceptions--ultimately really gave no shits about me, so what do I have to relish from those days, honestly?

Not a whole helluva lot.

I simply feel I should be honest with you. Maybe there is a time and a place for such things, in reality, but why should I care? Lol. I mean really? For those who truly care about me, sure. For you strangers who support my endeavors on here through complimenting my works, sure.

I mean, I still care about people. I still care about those genuine people out there. Of course I do.

Nevertheless, those people may as well not exist any more. Those days are over. Hell, today is already over. And those who appreciate me are still here. If only for the first and only time.

Anyhow, I'll write you again in the future. I don't have too much to say on this medium. There is no incentive to, money-wise. But I say this to you all; all those who support me and are moved by my work here:

Thank you so much.

I hope this helps you in some way.

\m/, < 3 B']