Funny Sexy Times

He was hilarious. Just a natural-born comedian, he consistently made my cheeks ache from laughter. I had my funny moments too. Because of that, we connected immediately. I looked forward to seeing him when I arrived at my internship and eagerly anticipated our entertaining lunches together. His humor made me feel good, and who doesn’t want to feel good?

The more he amused me, the more I was drawn to him. His witty conversations weren’t planned material but could have contended with some of the best stand-up comedians of the time. Being a bit of a sapiosexual, the combination of his high intellect and advanced humor turned me on and tickled my funny-bone. What else could my 19-year-old self do but fall for him?

He was in his mid 20’s and knew his way around the bedroom more than I did. I was comfortable with him and was willing to learn whatever he wanted to teach me. We had crazy chemistry and it began deep in the mind before it made its way to the surface of our skin. For most of our encounters, I was pretty impressive. I may not have known all there was to know about pleasing a man in bed, but I had a few skills.

Unfortunately, there was a time or two when my inexperience was undeniable. We went on a weekend getaway. It was my first time away with a man and I was filled with nervous excitement. I packed a few pastel-colored nighties and some uncomfortable butt floss, better known as thongs. If we were going to have some meaningful passionate moments, I wanted to dress the part.

Our room was a junior suite with a sofa in a small area as you entered. We hung out there during the beginning of our stay. He didn’t know what I had in store, but I was ready to show him a different side of me. One I had been practicing for his entertainment for days before our trip.

I loaded my CD into the player provided by the hotel on the desk in the little cove we were in. He was seated on the couch grinning at me in my short, yellow nightgown as the beat dropped. “Special girl, real good girl/Biggest thing in my itty bitty world/Called her up and she made me feel right/Wish bliss could never take flight...” Q-Tip rapped Vivrant Thing in the background.

I began gyrating and twerking to the rhythm of this sexy hip-hop song. I was officially giving my first lap dance. A little overly enthusiastic, I backed that thing up into his chest and proceeded to elbow my lover in his eye as I flailed my wild arms around. Luckily, he didn’t end up with a black eye. I was mortified. He was mildly injured. I was not sexy. He was laughing hysterically.

That was the first incident.

Once we made it back to the city and resumed life as it was, things improved in the bedroom. Or rather, I improved. Well, at least I thought. He was already a beast in the sheets. I was the one with something to prove to this glorious man. Confident that I had enhanced my sexual abilities, I decided to introduce something new into the mix. Another experience I had not encountered was about to go down. This would truly be memorable and most importantly, hot!

He was turned on by the visual, so complete darkness wasn’t preferred. With the lights down low, I decided to enhance the setting with ambient lighting. Candles provided the ultimate vibe I was seeking. Taking one of the many burning candles I had displayed around my apartment bedroom, I experienced hot wax for the first time by dripping the candle onto my chest. Prior to pouring, I did not wait a few seconds for the wax to cool a bit. Instead, I immediately poured it on my bare chest and jumped out of bed screaming and clawing at my bright red, searing skin.

Again, I was mortified. This time, I was mildly hurt. I was not sexy and he was laughing hysterically. Our relationship was always filled with funny moments and now you know about a couple of them. That's all I can bear to share.

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