Frog With Glasses

On one particular evening, I saw a sweatshirt that popped up on my Instagram feed. This shirt came in several different colors, but the print on it is what captured me. I was instantly possessed by an unexplainable force and before I knew it, I clicked, paid and waited. Somehow all rationale thought was not available at the time of purchase. On the front of the shirt was a print of a frog wearing oversized glasses. Picture a green head, the size of a bowling ball, coming out of my ribs wearing huge costume glasses. I’m sure it had a body too, but it was much smaller. The depiction was caricature like. When I looked into the creature’s eyes I was under control that was not my own. This green toad with glasses was most definitely incongruent with my normal fashion sense as my closet is flooded with solid black and various shades of gray. This piece of clothing was a fashion abomination that I quickly had to make part of my wardrobe.

To describe what was going on in my brain is still hard during our time together, but I was compelled to put this shirt on every time I made eye contact the bespectacled creature. Each time I put the shirt on I would think about the ramifications, but didn’t have the willpower to take it off. My mind was worried and my thoughts became flooded with anxiety of how this disease would progress. I wondered this was my gateway shirt, and if I would eventually become that person who proudly wears over the top Christmas sweaters to normal every day, non-holiday functions believing that is it not ugly, but trendy in some sick way. I shudder at the thought.

For a good part of four months, it seemed the frog and I were best friends. We went everywhere together and if I wore the shirt for consecutive days it didn’t seem to matter. However, every time I would take the shirt off, pulling it back over my shoulders, not meeting its glassy gaze, it seemed I could resist it at times. These episodes of wearing this shirt were not unlike how I feel after polishing off an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting. My brain is skilled at treading the cold waters of self-loathing. Nevertheless, it might have been easier for me to resist the ice cream during my time living with this amphibian. The cursed croaker had some unexplained mind control and its eyes willed me to put him on and wear him like a badge.

Before Christmas I was packing for a trip and I opened my dresser drawer to find the sweatshirt. Unfortunately, it was folded and on top of all the other potential clothing choices, and our eyes met once again. My brain without question made me choose those pleading eyes. I quickly grabbed it and shoved it in my bag, thinking that maybe this was going to be the last trip we were going to take together.

On New Year’s Day, my friends and I were enjoying a nice fire outside. In this moment, I realized I had somehow resisted to urge to wear this atrocity for several days. With this realization, I seized the opportunity to abruptly put an end to the unexplainable relationship and I went inside and collected the stupidest impulsive internet purchase ever made. Before those eyes could talk me out of it, I tossing it into the fire. In an instance the spell was broken and I swear the frog winked at me before disappearing into the flames.