Far From Home

When we are just children, we all have the big dream of growing up and having fun, because that is all we know. It's all about having fun and never sleeping. Get into trouble maybe, get grounded, get told you can't go out with your friends, you have chores to do, you have family events to attend, you are told what to do by your parents and by your older siblings until that magical age you get to move out on your own, be your own person. That's exciting, isn't it? It's a huge deal when you finally leave the nest and you are responsible for only you now. What a huge step in life that we all have had to take. Find our way, find our meaning, find our purpose for living. And don't forget, not having to go to bed when you're told, you get to stay up, you get to make a mess and leave it till the next day. You get to toss your laundry over any chair in your home and leave it without someone screaming at you to clean up your mess.

For me, it was terrible and I wish I could take back that time and do it over again. How I would change things and not have done some things, with knowing all that I do now, it would have been so different for me back then. I chose a life that was dangerous, scary, I was homeless a few times, I was hungry a lot, and I would have loved to be sleeping in a bed and not on some dirty stairs in a parkade or in a park under a tree. I went down a path for the thrills and the adrenaline rush. I was always getting screamed at when I was home, I was always in trouble, I was always getting a beating and mistreated, so I wanted to get away as far as possible and I started my journey at such a young age too; I was only 17 at the time. I knew everything, I was in charge. I was the boss, and I was broke.

I left home and went on my own to find the life that I wanted, I didn't know that I was going to be without things, I just wanted to go, to get out and explore the world. I worked along the way and made some cash. I didn't like what I had to do, but having a warm bed once in a while during the winter season was best. I did not like sleeping outside in the winter. That was a completely terrible and bad choice on my part. I wanted to go, so, I had to deal with the seasons too, and I didn't think about that at the time I was planning the "Great Escape From Home." Nope, I forgot all about that and of course, I should have listened to my grandparents, but they were so old by then, I knew better I thought.

What the heck did I really know? Nothing, but I wasn't going to call home and ask for help and tell the grandparents that I was wrong and I couldn't do it on my own. I would never call them to help me after how things were left when I left. It was not a good day. I was so mad and hurt and everyone screaming at me, that I am just a stupid kid. Well, this stupid kid, didn't need to heat that crap. I needed support, I had to learn I thought. And what better way than to tell yourself, " you've got this and you don't need anyone to help you." Nobody could ever understand, what the heck did the grandparents know? They were too old and old-fashioned to know what it was like being a kid in this day and age. They knew the 30s and that was a completely different life experience on its own.

I didn't want to have rules and curfews and chores, I wanted to be in charge. With that came a lot of responsibilities for myself, that I was not expecting. From eating, sleeping, washing, having clean clothes, not being cold or wet. I had more responsibilities than I had at home. I had things pretty good at home, I just didn't see it because I was spoiled rotten. I was the last kid to leave that house. There were five others that left way before me. I was the baby, and that was only my grandparents. My folks were not around after I was born. That's where my grandparents stepped in and took me in.

But I was the baby of the house, I got my way all the time. I knew how to play the game and would get my way all the time. I did get caught a couple of times, but I would just put on the tears, and then things were always fixed. It was just to shut me up that I always got what I wanted. I wouldn't stop until I did. I look back and I would kick myself in the butt for doing that stuff now. I would never let my kids get away with doing that and then give them what they were fussing over. Not me, not my kids. I was wrong about that too. But that's a different kind of story.

Being on your own at first was really exciting, and only because it was new and because it was out of spite for my family and always saying that I will never grow up and act like a child. I wanted to prov that I wasn't a child and I could manage my own life without them. I had to learn the hard way and I sure did. Every day that I suffered from the cold or I was hungry or tired. I grew up real quick knowing that I was the only one there for me and I didn't have the time anymore to be a child. It was my own doing that I left and I had to fight my way out. I couldn't ask them to help me; then all it would say to my family was that I was weak and a stupid kid.

I was on top of the world for a while, I was alone all the time, and I wasn't too sure who to trust out in the free world. I would meet a lot of people while on this journey too. I was even afraid to make friends, I didn't know if it was a good idea or if they would do something to me; rob me, or even rape me. I was alone, and when I did meet people on the street, I never gave my real name or tell anyone where I was staying or anything that they could use to hurt me down the road. These people came and left a lot, and I was so used to having people around for a bit then they were gone just as fast as they came into my life. No big deal, I was not going to shed a tear or lose a night's sleep when these people came and left. I knew that I would meet more again soon.

I didn't like the nights though, I tried to sleep where there were a lot of lights or where nobody could get to me. I had to sneak into stairways a lot and stay quiet and sleep on my things so that my belongings couldn't get taken when I fell asleep. When your living that life, you have to protect all that you have, because someone will come along and take it from you if you were not careful. Street people would do anything to survive and sometimes they had to do things that were not so good. I couldn't lose anything I had, I wouldn't be able to live. I had two duffle bags that I had to carry around with me at all times, I did manage to get a locker at the bus terminal a few times when I did have money. Money was far and in between for me then, but after a while, I learned to adapt to my new world.