Expect the Unexpected

When you’re in a committed, intimate relationship with someone who is a decade and a half older than you, you run into a few embarrassing moments –and usually, its other people embarrassing themselves.

My husband is 15 years older than me, and throughout our time together, we have found ourselves in a few cringe-worthy situations. There’re small ones that happen daily, like when he makes a reference to an 80’s movie that I’ve never heard of; or when we realized that I’m closer to the age of his dog than I am to him. What makes this all-the-more fun though, is that he has two children, who are 15 years younger than me.

I suppose the first regrettable moment in relation to our age was on our first date. I was 21 when we first met, and although I knew he was older than me, I didn’t know his exact age yet. We were sitting in his truck watching the sunset when he asked me how old I thought he was. I guessed 29, since he was definitely more of a man than the boys my age, and his oldest son was already 7. An 8-year difference didn’t seem so daunting to me, so when he told me he was actually 36, I must have looked like a deer caught in headlights.

And when I first met his children, they made a similar mistake. They were only 5 and 7 at the time, and very excited to meet daddy’s new girlfriend. As little boys who were proud of their age, naturally, they asked how old I was. We told them to guess, and one of them said, “Is she 16?” to which their father responded, “Dear God, I hope not!”

A few months later, while grocery shopping with him and his boys, we ran into another cringe-worthy situation –or, someone cringe-worthy, I should say. It was someone I had recently dated, which doesn’t seem so bad, right? My now-husband had already met one of my exes, and of course I had met his. This ex, however, was a different story, and our chance encounter was more embarrassing for him than anyone.

I had only gone on a few dates with him, a few months before I met my husband. We slept together once, and then I realized that I wasn’t going to work out. I just wasn’t feeling a strong connection with him, but instead of being honest, I came up with another reason. Since he was quite a bit older than me, I told him our age difference was too weird, and he understood. However, when we stood face-to-face in the grocery store, and I introduced him to my partner and his children, he was a little less understanding –for he was the exact same age as my husband. And what makes this even better? He is now married to my husband’s best friend’s sister –small world, I know.

During our first summer together, we spent quite a lot of time at his family’s cottage. There were plenty of other kids for the boys to play with, and I found myself hanging with the moms while the kids played. It was the first time I got to experience what it was like to talk with other parents while we watched our children play together, and I was finally feeling more mature that my 22 years usually allowed.

My husband had gone back to the cottage to nap with his youngest, so I stayed to keep an eye on the oldest. I was really feeling like one of the moms, when one of the other little boys pointed at me and asked my step-son, “Is that your sister?” The other parents didn’t know what to say, and I even noticed a dad awaiting my response, worried that he had been checking out a teenager. I was at a loss for words, and embarrassed to say the least. Luckily, I heard a familiar little voice say, “EW NO, that’s my step-mom!”

And finally, the most regrettable moment of them all, happened in our second year together, while we were living on his jobsite. He is an amazing carpenter that specializes in building off-grid homes, and sometimes, we live onsite. During our second summer, we were living in an area with a lot of people coming and going –like a small community. We were the only ones living there full-time, but there were visitors and crewmembers everyday.

On one particular evening, I got home from work and went straight to the community garden. An old work-friend of my husband’s was visiting, and he ventured over to say hi. We chatted for a few minutes, and then he asked, “So, where are you visiting from?”

“Oh, I live here,” I replied. “I’m just getting home from work.”

One of the boys ran into the garden and hugged my legs as he passed by. The man was a little confused, as he looked around and only saw one trailer for housing. “Oh, you live here? With him?” He asked, motioning to my husband and our home.

“Yeah, we’ve been together for about 2 years now!” I explained.

Just as his response drifted from his lips, I could see the pure panic and regret on his face. He hadn’t meant to say what he said, and he didn’t mean to let his eyes wonder so obviously. “Wow, good for him!” is what he said. He truly looked like a deer caught in headlights as he fumbled to recover, “I mean… good for both of you. Good for you!” He had very clearly, yet accidentally, congratulated his almost-40-year-old friend for marrying a 22-year-old.

Now, if I am going to reflect on one of my most embarrassing moments, we need to rewind to that first weekend with his kids.

I had only known my husband for less than a month, and we decided to spend New Year’s week at his cottage with his sons. The first few days were amazing, once we made it clear to the kids that I was not a teenager. However, by the fourth day, I got really sick. My period had come early –and with deep aggression– I threw up in the night, and in all honesty, there was some explosive diarrhea happening. As a father who has had all of the bodily fluids thrown at him over the years, he wasn’t afraid to take care of me while I was sick, but I was obviously horrified that I was exploding out all ends. What’s worse? –the toilet had to be flushed manually, with a bucket of water in the back tank. I didn’t have the energy to fill the bucket, let alone lift it up, so I left the toilet full in the middle of the night –planning to deal with it in the morning. I had fallen asleep on the floor with the dog, and woke up hours after everybody else. When I ventured into the bathroom to deal with my nightly disaster, it was gone. He had filled the bucket and flushed my disgusting sickness away, as I slept on the floor with his dog.

In the moment, I was horrified. But looking back years later, it was a testament of what to expect in my relationship with this man –a man who is not afraid of human nature, and will care for me when I am at my lowest.

I don't regret a single moment of our time together –even those cringe-worthy moments. Although I might be seen as his teenage daughter, or the babysitter, I am proud to call him my husband, and to show others to Expect the Unexpected.