Excitedly, Anxiously Uncomfortable

My face turned every shade of red on the spectrum before my body broke out in a cold sweat. Everything spiraled around me as my mind tried to ignore the anxiety overcoming my entire body. It was the most uncomfortable and panicked experience of my life.

When the CEO publicly recognized me in front of nearly 100 employees for a blog I wrote, this is how I—how my body—reacted. I can only wonder what would have happened if he called me out for a mistake or failure.

I'd imagine people who suffer from this level of anxiety would try desperately to avoid getting themselves into these kinds of situations. But I'm not most people.

If there's one thing more powerful than my anxiety, it's my ambition. There's no way I'd let my anxiousness hold me back from what I wanted to achieve. I'm not a fan of that all-encompassing feeling of dread that comes with discomfort. But after that experience, I purposely put myself in uncomfortable social and professional situations to help me cope with my anxiety and grow into the woman I want to be.

Making myself uncomfortable... on purpose

Three years later and I have finally (mostly) mastered the art of being uncomfortable. My face blushes only slightly, and my heartbeat remains steady. I can handle my nervousness. It has been unexpectedly rewarding.

But I noticed something interesting. When I insert myself into uncomfortable conversations or work on projects outside my comfort zone, I get rewarded. Now, I put myself in as many awkward or uneasy situations as I can—I get to work on my growth and get rewarded for it. It's a win-win!

Personal discomfort, professional growth?

As a woman, I have to fight for pay equal to the salary of my male counterparts and for colleagues and leadership to hear my voice. But as a woman with anxiety, I have to deal with wanting to ask for promotions and pay raises and working on projects that will challenge me, but being petrified to ask. I do it anyway.

I asked my boss three times to promote me. Every conversation was awkward, and I got flustered and wanted to hide. But after dozens of conversations, lots of discomfort, and days of mild anxiety, I got the promotion. And the pay raise. All that anxiety suddenly melted away as I replaced it with joy and pride.

My boss expects me to ask to work on projects that aren't quite in my wheelhouse because I have made it known that I want a challenge. I know full well I may fall flat on my face. But the chance to grow my skills, get exposure to more people, and learn is well worth it. And you know what? Not once have I fallen on my face.

I excelled. As a result, I work more and more on projects that allow me to grow professionally. I couldn't be happier.

Balancing ambition and anxiety

Mini anxiety attacks are commonplace for me. Part of that is because I push myself to be uncomfortable, but I also have an anxiety disorder that makes overwhelming anxiety part of my every day. Despite that, it's all worth it.

I balance my ambition and anxiety by taking baby steps. If I were to go to a concert tomorrow, my heart might explode from the stress I experience in group social situations. But if I push myself just a little to go to a small private event, I progress towards being able to present a project in front of a dozen people.

Or maybe I want to teach people to write, but I am terrified of doing so. Instead of diving in headfirst, I ask a few friends to take my course and give feedback so I can build my confidence. It's still uncomfortable, but it's manageable. And it all leads to growth.

Give it a try

Trust me—I'm the first to admit that doing things that make me uncomfortable is tough. It's not fun. But if you can shift your focus from how awkward you feel to, "This will be over soon, and I'll be one step closer to my goal," you'll go far. Think about it as personal or professional growth, not undesirable situations. You can do it!