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Doo-Doo Pants

The Time I Shitted Myself

By Yakubu IsahPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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I shitted Myself

No regrets are said more often than any two words combined that I know off. That expression of “No Regrets” simplicity acts as a lighthouse for when seas are both stormy and calm. It’s a simple, but also complicated message that in an eerie way gives us some sort of courage to push through.

In my mind when that mortifying moment took place, I was in my own fantasy world sipping on apple juice. I was out of touch with reality in a beautiful, suited realm where school isn’t of any existence . Men was I wrong, but even though I was embarrassed, when I look back, I can honestly say I have No Regrets about that day.

The atmosphere was moist, I was big and chubby for a kid my age then. That morning started like every other day, go to school, learn something and come straight back home. This time around was different, this time around nature played a cruel trick on me. It helped me destroy my pants by shitting on myself, yes you heard me right, I shitted myself. This wasn’t me taking a dump in the bathroom, this was me shitting myself while in class. The memory of it all, till this date is stuck in my head as if it was my footprint being imprinted on the moon.

No warning it just came right out, it took place after recess. Out of know where I became feverish. My body started vibrating like a boom base speaker connected to a phone, via Bluetooth playing a song with enough base that felt like a wrecking ball demolishing a building. The whole environment to me as at that time in reality was stuffy and uncomfortable, felt hot even while feverish. Kept on sweating. My insides felt like a lot of things were taking place all at once. My stomach grumbling, sounding like a reckoning, making all sorts of noises, screaming at me, blaming me for what I ate which it wasn’t a case of food poisoning. Rather it was a case of me becoming sick, me starting to become under the weather. My intestines going at each other as if it was a brawl, everyone going toe to toe testing out their strengths.

Oh my, it was a day I couldn’t forget. The minute it was about to slide out, I tried holding it in, squeezed my butt cheeks as tight as I could but that wasn’t enough. As strong as I was, I was no match for it in terms of holding it back in. little farts coming out, like a drone being sent to survey an area before launching a full-on attack. The farts disrupting the aura, making it comfortable for when the big poppa comes out to play. As I was going through such battle with myself, while my head was placed down on my desk seeing as I was in the 3rd grade then, the whole class was wondering “what on Gods name is that awful smell”? at that moment I wasn’t thinking of how horrifying that situation was, at that moment in my head where I was in my own little fantasy world enjoying myself, the rest of the class room in reality were busy calling me doo-doo pants, because the whole class was smelling of my shit, literally my shit. The whole class was excused because of my unfortunate incident. I was sent to the school clinic to get cleaned up and well rested until my parents could come get me from school and take me back home. Wasn’t in school for almost 2 weeks because I was to humiliated to show myself again. It was a horrific incident for me at that time but looking back at it as I grew up, I did nothing but laugh at myself and with others when I narrate it. Embarrassing moments do take place in our lives, just depends on how we decide to move ahead with it or let it keep us down as we dwell in the past. It’s a day I’d never forget. The day I shat my pants, which as stated earlier I honestly don’t feel any regrets.

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