Don't Listen to Inde

Dear Fems,

I gotta a little poem and it goes like this…

“Inde , Inde, Inde can't you see?

Sometimes your vibes just hypnotize me...

...and I just love your fancy ways but sometimes you get in the way.”

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I bet you all know about a girl like Inde. She is fly, gorgeous, intelligent, confident and let's not forget a boss. Inde was raised in a strong and loving household with a God fearing, hardworking Mama who taught her everything she knows.

Towards the beginning of the millennial period, she made a name for herself and became a superstar. Almost every movie, television show and song were repping Inde. Girls all over the world joined together to make sure that she got the recognition she deserved.

Down the line, her brand spread and girls all over the world embodied her spirit and lifestyle. All praise was given to Inde.

She was the IT Girl, she was that "bishh"

Of course, with the fame comes those folks drinking that "haterade". All those men who were totally not here for Inde. They couldn't stand the women that vouched for her, or the anthems made in her honor. Completely resented the message that Inde was sending to the youth and everybody in the western region of the Earth. It got so exhausting to the male population that they just gave up on trying to shed light on her reign.

But how could they hate someone as great as "Inde"? She made women feel fly, gorgeous, intelligent, confident and let's not forget like a boss. Her influence can't be that bad, right?

Well, here is the DOWNSIDE about Inde: she wears her pride like a medal of honor. Inde is also very stubborn, things have to be her way or the highway.

We touched briefly on her background in the beginning of the story, she was raised by her mother who taught her "EVERYTHING" she knows. However, she lacked the ability to reciprocate or accept love from others because she could do for herself. Let her tell it she didn't need any help or handouts. Her mama went on and on about how she raised Inde all by herself because she didn't need a man.

To add on, Inde's dominant nature was very unbearable. Of course, her life looked glamorous to her female fan base -but on the inside the idea of not having control of EVERY situation drove her crazy. She figured she could handle everything by herself. Asking for help was the last thing on her mind. Her personality got in the way of a lot of potentially good connections, especially those love connections.

Speaking of love connections, Inde couldn't keep a man around for very long. Relationships never lasted more than two months. It was like clockwork: she'd show interest and the physical intimacy was always a given, BUT her pride always got in the way. Her favorite sentence was, "If I needed a man's help, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IT."

Unfortunately, her fan base also co-signed her way of thinking and damn near all women didn't want or need nobody. Y'all know about her, the whole word knows about Miss. Inde aka Miss Independent.

Now don't get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent when you are young and learning how to navigate life. Being self-sufficient is something that we should have mastered in our 20's. I mean how can we expect to take care of someone else if we can't do the same for ourselves?

However, just likes there are PROS there also CONS to this way of thinking. Recently, the complaints of MANY frustrated men have been rising in the last couple of years. All of the emerging new artist spreading the propaganda the being a "Boss" and having a "traditional man" aka a provider is all you need to be happy. If he ain't for your boss mentality, then he probably can't "handle you".

Inde and others like her had a tendency to burn bridges with people unintentionally. Whether at the workplace or personal endeavors, Inde just didn't know how to flip the switch when necessary.

Eventually, Inde started paying attention to that damn biological clock that seems to tick forever.

"Oh Snap, I am closing in on my 30's. But where are all the good men at? I can never seem to find one that's on my level."

Inde looked around and started realizing that she was the only one out of her friend group that had everything but no one to share it with. Every time she was with her friends, they always asked her... " Girl, when are you going to get a man? Her answer was always, "When the time is right."

So, I pose the question to all the Inde's of many names: Are you getting in your own way?

Do you know when to tell "Inde" to mind her damn business?

Are you willing to accept help when it's offer?

Are YOU to independent for your own good?

Remember that time you listened to Inde and got an attitude with that guy who offered hold the door open for you? Inde told you that you can open the door yourself. It snowed like crazy last week and your tire went flat, phone died, and you had absolutely NO ONE to help you. You thought your life was over, but then saw someone in a car that stopped to see if you needed help, but then proceeded to drive off because he remembered you were Miss Independent?

Again, don't get me wrong Inde is not always a nuisance, she comes in handy when you have to remind your parents that you are "GROWN". Also, most career paths want to know you can handle your own if necessary. Another PRO is that no one likes a bug-a-boo bachelorette.

However, once you get in a relationship the independence portion should morph into co-existence with your future soulmate. Team efforts involve each individual to give up control in order to work together.

In closing, let me just say that I am not hating on Inde but to all my ladies, learn when to set boundaries with her when it comes to your relationships.

-Sincerely yours,

-Cee