Do You Know?

I just stand there, staring at the employee, who is staring back at me, undoubtedly wondering why my body has frozen in one place, and my mouth is unflatteringly gaping open in shock.

Dear You,

Do you know my life is better because of you?

You are my village, some who walk by my side even when I try to push you away, some who smile and invite me in even when I try to turn away, some who care for me from a distance when I stay gone, some who give to me without even knowing who I am.

It’s you. You are my heroes.

That day in the comptroller’s office, you see, I walked in, not knowing how I was going to be able to give up all I had worked for. I had one semester left, my scholarship had run out, I was a single mom in government paid for apartments, a minimum wage job, and no money to pay for that last semester. I don’t even know why I went to the office, but I did.

And, you, my hero, had anonymously paid for my last semester. Truly a life-changing, lifetime giving gift.

You have not been the only one to show me that not all people are bad though.

Dear You,

Do you know my life is better because of you?

I remember three elderly women who took compassion on this little girl from a low income family. I smile about it now, but I didn’t know the difference then. They were my friends. Now, I know that they probably benefited as much or more from my frequent visits and neediness, but if they only knew how much they saved me.

From one regularly cooking me egg and cheese sandwiches and just giving me a quiet place to relax every now and then to another who gave me her hand-me-down clothes (can you picture a 10 year old wearing old lady polyester and 30 year old shoes and loving it) and to the one who let me read every book, magazine, newspaper, and journal I could find at her house. They were my safe havens. No longer here in body, but very much alive in my heart.

Dear You,

Do you know my life is better because of you?

You know those people who just make you feel safe when you are with them? I have not often felt safe in my life, so each and every one is remembered and cherished.

The psychologist who diagnosed me with PTSD and Battered Woman Syndrome who told me he and his wife have a spare room. The casual acquaintance who ended up being my lifeline, pulling me from the depths of despair, encouraging me to stand up and be strong. The few friends who have risked being ostracized or penalized professionally by standing up for me. The one who slipped some money in my van when I didn’t have enough food to cook one more meal for my children. The one who loved me when I was unlovable. The one who helped me see that I am worth it. The one who made me feel beautiful. The one who showed me I can be wanted for more than beauty.

The few who said, I believe you.

Soul saving. Life changing.

But also day making.

Dear You,

Do you know my life is better because of you?

To the UPS guy (who happened to be delivering a package at the same time I got home from a stay in the hospital) who carried my bag inside for me. You filled the hole of neglect, taking care of a small chore.

To the one from years ago who spotted me in a restaurant and paid for my meal. You filled the hole of unimportance, remembering the unmemorable.

To the one who sent me a thank you note for making a difference. You filled the hole of uselessness, reminding me I can make a difference.

To the one who noticed the box was too heavy for me to lift into my vehicle. You filled the hole of hopelessness, proving to me people care.

I am so thankful to you, the ones who brightened my days, the ones who gave me hope, the ones who helped me live.

But, I thrive on those who hold my hand in unity, who step out of their heels, risk their acceptance, or are willing to admit ignorance or wrong.

Dear You,

Do you know how you made my life better?

When you noticed the city did not keep up the low income side of the town as well as the upper economic side, and you put on your little used work clothes and took off your ties early on a Saturday morning to clean out the rubbish and make repairs?

When you filled half the room at the city hall meeting and spoke with passion, pleading with the council members to remove the statue that represented bondage and slavery to many?

When you met with us around the table that evening to have an open discussion about what we can do to remove our blinded eyes and give them no more excuses?

When you stood together at the rally and walked side by side as the little children all played together in random spots around the adults?

When you cooked a couple hundred meals with me and delivered them to those staying in condemned housing when almost everyone else we knew was too afraid to go?

When you listened and did not judge, when you admitted rather than denying, when you showed instead of just talking big?

Dear You,

Do you know how you made my life better?

You were just being you. I was the benefactor, or I was the observer, or I was the partner. But I was always watching, listening, learning.

You were mostly unaware of how you affected me, affected others.

You might have thought you were doing good.

But did you ever know that you truly made my life better? Not just in that moment, but a lifetime.

Did you ever know that you truly molded and, many times, changed my whole perspective on life and people?

Did you ever know that you truly gave me hope, made me believe, and provided healing for a many times broken spirit?

To You.

My neighbors, my friends, my loved ones. Those who were never properly thanked. Those who many times thought they were not doing anything special.

You.

Am I that person to others? Are you that person to others?

The saying goes, Pass It Forward.

Let’s continue to do so.

Thank you, You are my heroes.