Dear self, you are resilient

Dear self,

At just twenty two years of living I deemed you the toughest woman I have ever come across not only for your ability to forgive but your will to choose life. You have been through so much from class bullies to not loving that beautiful smile of yours. From mental & physical abuse to sexual abuse at the hands of a step parent. From those horrible suicidal thoughts to the attempts all the way to experiencing miscarriage at only sixteen years of age and the list could go on. You have been through enough trauma to last one a lifetime but you never let your bright light dim & I commend you for that. It amazes me to watch you walk into each day with your head held the highest while hearing all the negative thoughts going through your head and seeing the realest fake smile on your face. You're resilient and the true queen of overcoming any obstacle in your way. Tayla, other than being tougher than a bull with sharp horns I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you could overlook your ptsd, your constant anxiety, depression and your “F the world“ attitude and still manage

to put your best foot forward everyday to ensure your future self the best version of you that you could possibly reach. You found time to help your single mother raise not one but two of your abusers children all while drowning in your feelings because you realized them children needing you was greater than your own pain. I don’t know where but you still find the time to listen and heal all those around you when most days you don’t even know how to help yourself.

Tayla do you remember when you were four years old being physically abused by your brother who is ten years older than you ? Begging for nana to come get you because you were scared of being home alone with him. You had no father and was scared of the only male figure in your life. Scared of the male you wish loved you as much as you loved him. The male that was supposed to protect you from the sexual abuse going on in your home but he didn’t care enough. How did you forgive him? Overlooking all the pain he added to your life , growing older and treating his five children as if you birthed them yourself, giving them the love you looked for in big bro all these years.

Do you remember when you were five years old and your dad got out of prison for the first time since your birth and he threw away your glasses cause he hated them? Do you remember that? It was right after being diagnosed legally blind and your dad told you , “you aren’t pretty enough with those bifocals on”. Do you remember how you felt when he went to jail three months later ? Do you remember what you did? You broke your glasses in half and refused to go to school because you thought you were too ugly. Never have I met a kindergarten so depressed in my life. I still wonder everyday how you forgave him

Tayla I know you remember the time where your own mother married your abuser and didn’t believe you when you told her that he hurt you. Yet again you forgave , you forgave at times you shouldn’t have. You knew the only way to be right within is to forgive and for that you are the toughest woman I know. You have the ability to own what life has given to you and forgive all of the hardships that were thrown your way.

I wrote this letter to let you know I see you, I’m proud of you for overcoming all that you endured and still till this day patching up your own wounds. Forgiveness is the hardest pill to swallow yet you have it down to a science. You are the toughest woman, the most fearless and fiercest woman that many can only aspire to be like. You are going to be all that you set out to be because you can. You proved to yourself that you're the toughest soldier on the battlefield. I’m forever so grateful to be able to watch you learn , grow overcome and conquer. Stay true to yourself and remember “ damaged not broken”.

Love self with much love, gratitude and respect