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Dear Mama

by Amaryllis Blake about a month ago in Family
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a confession

Dear Mama
Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Mom, I never told you this because at first, I was ashamed and was not even really sure why I was. And then it was because I blocked it out for so long. It took me a very long time to realized what had happened and even longer to understand. I was taken advantage of... Mom I was sexually manipulated and assaulted. When I finally understood that I was again scared and ashamed to admit it. I have not told anyone else except for Chris. I know you would be upset and maybe even heartbroken if I ever worked up the courage to tell you. It was that first job I had; do you remember? The one at the Halloween and costume shop. I would go after my college classes and work until close. They ended up firing me because they said I was unprofessional, and I always said it was not true. Well, that was because the one manager that they fired before me had taken a liking to me. He was one of the 3 managers; he would talk to me and a few of the other girls and was very friendly. He would offer to massage my neck and shoulders when I had those tension migraine headaches, I got a lot back then... the ones that made me hold my neck at weird angles and cause me so much pain. Well, he eventually found me in the back room because it was quiet and dark and offered to rub my neck and then he was so close, and he turned me around and kissed me. I of course being the sheltered person I was, got confused and did not know how to react. When another coworker came back, I left and tried to avoid him, but he tried convincing me he liked me and me being the stupidly naive and innocent girl I was kind of fell for it. He tried instant messaging me, and I eventually learned he was married and got freaked out and then I got fired because of him and I just kind of blocked it all out. I am sorry I never told you I did not know how to since it has been so long since it happened and by time, I had fully come to understand what had happened.... I know some will say what happened is not a big deal and I myself sometimes feel like I am blowing something minor out of proportion but another part of me knows that what happened was wrong and was a manipulation of power and was sexual assault. I have struggled with whether I should tell you and when I saw the contest that said to confess a secret, I have to you this was my first thought. To tell you I was taken advantage of. And I do not know if that makes me messed up or if I am being ridiculous to try telling you through a contest prompt but here, I am typing this out for a contest I probably will not be able to enter because I do not know if I can. I mean I cannot even tell you how am I going to submit this for hundred maybe thousands to read? I guess I am ridiculous but here my secret. Mama I was sexually assaulted when I got my first job by my manager. I am sorry you would find out this way, but I hope you can understand why I have never told you. I am still not sure this will ever find its way to you but hopefully one day I can find the courage to tell you.

Signed your not so little girl

Family

About the author

Amaryllis Blake

I am mother, wife, and domestic goddess with a bit of hippy gypsy flavor. I write, dance, create and/or manage chaos daily. A lover of fantasy, romance and strong female leads. New to sharing my work hope to gain experience an confidence

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Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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Comments (1)

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  • Buddicaabout a month ago

    I’m sorry you had to experience an event like this, it can be one of the hardest things to talk about and maybe you aren’t ready to share it with your mom, but if she knew I’m sure she’d hug you and tell you it’s all ok. Thank you for sharing this and bringing more light to sexual assault.

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