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Dear Diary

by Latoya Giles 4 months ago in Humanity
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A letter to Mom...

Dear Mama,

You know that you are one of my favorite girls in the world. I have something to tell you. Please don't be hurt. Read the whole letter before you respond, ok? So, here goes...as a child, I resented you and dad. I was always held to a different and seemingly higher standard than my younger brother. I wondered why. I thought that maybe it was because you guys loved him more. I felt like we were being raised by two different sets of parents. Like one example: my grades in school mattered a lot. It was unacceptable for me to bring home anything less than an A. Well, I was able to get away with the occasional B+. My brother got $20 for every A or B he earned. Daddy said it was to motivate him to do well in school and to start taking school more seriously. I accepted that justification. I accepted it as in I didn't ask about it anymore. I went on to graduate at the top of my class. My brother ended up dropping out. I wanted to go to college but no one wanted to co-sign for any loans for me. I somehow ended up finding out that daddy could borrow money from his retirement to use for a child's college tuition. When I asked for it, he said he was saving that option for my brother. Saving it for my brother?!? SERIOUSLY?? My brother couldn't even be bothered to finish school and graduate so WHY ON EARTH would he be going to college? Mommy, I was so hurt. I felt so confused, like I was on a different bizzaro planet. I was the one that had to get up every day at 5 am to catch the public bus across town to high school. My brother was driven to and from school. I had to wash, dry and iron my own clothes. Daddy washed, dried, ironed AND laid out my brothers clothes for school daily. He was in high school. The justification for all that was similar to the justification for paying him for good grades. You guys did those things to make sure he actually made it to school. When it came out that my brother would sleep in the ally by our house instead of going to school, I accepted the justification. I still did not understand it though. Then I grew up. As an adult, I went first from resentment to gratitude. I am grateful I am independent. Doing things on my own as a teen equipped me with the skills to take care of myself as an adult. Unfortunately though, the things being done on my brothers behalf to keep him in school actually ended up making him completely dependent. He will live with you and daddy until you both pass away, then he will become my responsibility. I sometimes freak out thinking about it to be honest. Anyway,after I grew up, I had children of my own. After having children of my own, gratitude gave way to understanding. I am still grateful, but I understand now. There is no manual for parenting. You just try the best that you can with what you have. You do whatever you can to help your children succeed. You make sacrifices for your children. Thank you mommy. Thank you for pushing me forward. I am absolutely the woman I am today because of you. I mean, daddy helped out too lol. I appreciate you mom. I thank you mom. Most of all, I love you mom. You are one of a kind and super awesome!

Love Always,

You only daughter

Humanity

About the author

Latoya Giles

I'm just a single mom tryna make it. Come with me on my journey through life in writing... "A dream deferred is not a dream denied"

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