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Confessions of the Mad - Installment Five

Reality Article

By DMTakeshiPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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Photo by Tyram on Shutterstock

20 September 2021

Today my mom called me to tell me I should be careful of what I put on the internet. I told her the whole point was, to be honest, that’s a big part of the reason people like me. She said, “Yeah, but still.” I think she was more concerned about her family finding out. Once I told her that I write under a pseudonym she calmed down and said, “Yes, that’s true.” Not sure what she is worried about here.

I had an allergy appointment with the doctor today. Everything is going as planned. I have plenty more shots to go, but we are off to a good start.

I received a text today from child protective services that she had already spoken to my son and his birth father, and she wanted to speak to me. It scared me because my son hasn’t been home for over four months, and I didn’t know if she was going to tell me some awful news about my son.

Turns out they were closing out the case that I reported a few months ago that my son’s birth father was getting him high off of marijuana. I found on Snapchat that my son had posted a picture of himself with the caption, “When your dad and his best friend get you high.”

My son was thirteen at the time and I didn’t feel that it was appropriate. I called CPS a few months ago and here we are today with them closing out the case. I should’ve left it alone. After they met with CPS for the first time a few months ago, my son and his birth father were pissed at me. I just want what’s best for my son, but I’ve learned to keep my nose out of things.

Tomorrow my sister will train to clean for us. It’s just some extra money she can earn on the side for now, but I hope to get her away from managing the Burger King she has been working for.

Until tomorrow my friends.

21 September 2021

Tonight, my sister will start training to clean a couple of places for us. Eventually, we will get a night off here soon. We are beyond excited. Burger King doesn’t pay her enough for the crap she has to put up with. Maybe she will want to stay in Colorado too, but probably not.

My sister’s daughter is with her birth father in Kansas, and she so badly wants to be around her daughter. She shares custody with him, and they are still together (for some crazy reason). But she was a major alcoholic until a year and a half ago, so he is the custodial parent.

He controls her with her daughter. It used to be through drinking, but she thankfully got out of that. He met her while she was blackout drunk and impregnated her. He was sober. Sounds like a sick being to me. Obviously, I hate the guy.

Just a couple of months ago they were all living out here in Colorado. Then, one day, while my sister was at work, he decided to pack up all five of his children and leave back to Kansas without so much as a phone call. Except one of those kids wasn’t his biological son, he is my sister’s but with another man.

He dropped my nephew off at my mom’s house and bitched out back to Kansas. My nephew said, “Why did my daddy take all of my brothers and sisters and not me?” The saddest thing you’ve ever heard, right? He’s only seven. My mom couldn’t hold it in any longer. She said, “That’s not your daddy, daddies don’t leave. Do you know who will never leave you? It’s your mom, your grandma, and your grandpa.” He screamed with excitement, “Yay!”

She was right though, daddies don’t leave. That’s why I have a hard time with my son’s birth father because he never even wanted to be a part of my son’s life at all until he was lonely in prison. I hate deadbeat dads, they’re the worst. I know from plenty of experience from my own two deadbeat fathers.

22 September 2021

My sister cannot work weekends for us; therefore, we won’t get any days off. She can still help one day during the week to lighten our load. She also told me that she’s definitely moving back to Kansas in December. I am sad, but she needs to try these things for herself.

I spoke with my therapist today and learned some very cool DBT skills. I don’t want to regret my actions, so she and I practice communication skills using the acronyms THINK, FAST, and GIVE. If you want to know more about this you will have to research it yourself as I am no expert, but I do recommend it.

23 September 2021

I hung out with my best friend today. We just chit-chatted and did some light dancing. She is a little broke like me at the moment, but we are both working hard to get paid soon.

I had my allergy shots again today. I try to go twice a week so I can progress faster. The sooner I get this done, then I will only have maintenance shots and I will not have to come in nearly as often.

My dog got out today and luckily the neighbor coaxed him onto her porch. I woke up to my neighbor saying my husband’s name and telling us our dog got out. I immediately jumped up ready to chase after him, but the neighbor informed me that she had him. She can be sweet, to us anyway.

Sometimes I hear her pissed at the HOA, the neighbors, and people trying to stick their trash in our dumpster that doesn’t belong there. Some might say she is a nosy neighbor and should mind her own business, but I am actually jealous of her tenacity and courage. I rarely stand up for myself.

Talk soon, friends.

24 September 2021

We are quitting smoking tomorrow. I secretly hope my husband doesn’t smoke this time. It was really messed up of me to think it last time. That was really my mind tricking myself into smoking. I am hurting when I smoke, and I know he does too. We both want this so badly. I will be letting you know how that goes.

My daughter went to her grandma’s house for the weekend, so we can get all of our cleaning done in a couple of days hopefully.

My son’s birth father owes $43,000 in back child support. He just settled on his case of when he got into a pretty bad car accident and the other driver was at fault. He said I should be getting a check of $32,000 in two to three weeks.

I don’t know if that is correct because he’s been talking about this money for over a year now. We will see. This will be a game-changer for us if it does actually happen.

Until tomorrow friends!

25 September 2021

We quit smoking today. It is going pretty well. I’m so proud of my husband, I think he’s doing better mentally than I am.

We are both taking better care of ourselves too. I brushed my teeth four times today. I limited my time so much online; I think I was on for about an hour. I’m just proud of myself too.

Thanks for reading friends!

26 September 2021

Had a great day, saw my friend. Day two of not smoking is going really well. I think of it often, but I never want to act on it. My husband seemed quiet all day. He said he was good.

He kind of snapped at me when I asked when he wanted to leave for work. He called me indecisive and hurt my feelings. I cried a little. I think I annoy everyone with my questions. I’m very emotional today.

I ended the day going to buy a pack of cigarettes because I was fighting more suicidal thoughts and depression. I don’t want to smoke, but I also don’t want to end up dead because I couldn’t have a cigarette. That’s silly.

Tomorrow starts Installment Six. Until then my friends.

If you would like to catch up with the previous installments, you can do so below.

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About the Creator

DMTakeshi

DMTakeshi has zero credentials and these poems have a high probability that they are the ramblings of a person with a serious mental illness. Enjoy!

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